nascarmom
New
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 2
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Will make this as short as possible...
2 sd's. 9 n 15. Mom made 9yr old bath 2yr old 1/2 bro. He slipped, fell, broke leg so bad in body cast for 8 wks. Hosp. called cps. Mom told us nothing about this. Found out throu friend of family. She did tell us, after hubby asking, that the child got hurt but never mentioned it was at the hands of THIER child B/C of mom's laziness. We did not think it was right in the very beginning for the 9yr old GIRL to be taking the 2yr old 1/2 bro to bathroom. She really doesnt need to be helping him hang is thang over commode. She was so worried about us finding out about cps that she threatened the 9yr old with a spanking if she told her daddy that she had to talk to anyone about what happened. Don't you think she should have told hubby that his child had to have a face to face with a cps worker. The interview was done at mom's sisters house b/c mom was still at hosp with 1/2 bro and cps wanted to talk to sd that day (on a saturday).
Anyway, before all of this happened, my hubby sent her a certified letter to request a more 50/50 split. We already do this in he summer. Wk here then Wk there. Us and mom live 10mins from each other. We agreed to do all taking and picking up from school etc. Since the girls (sd's) will be continuing to go to school were mom is zoned. And still pay her only 150.00 less in child support per month. Thought this would help her cuz she just had another child. Since then, this cps thing has occurred.
We called and asked her if she had thought about our request yet and she said NO. She didn't want to do it b/c girls (sd's) will loose time with the 1/2 sibs. I understand 1/2 sibs are important, but she claims they won't have a relationship with them. We are talking about a 2yr old and a 7wk old. By the time my 15yr old sd is in college the 7wk old will only be 3 or 4. How much of a relationship can they have with this kind of age difference?
So I guess we are going to have to ask for a custody modification hearing. What chances do we have of being granted a more 50/50 split. Currently hubby has Thur - Sun every other weekend, then just Wed night the opposite week.
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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First of all, I have a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. When they are in the bath, they are rowdy and love to play. We try our hardest to make sure they stay seated, but they love to jump around in there - we have to remind them and/or discipline them several times a week for wild behavior in the bath. My point is that I have had to coem to terms with the idea that even under my very watchful eye, one of my rowdy toddlers could have an ACCIDENT and fall and break his/her leg. It can happen to anyone. You CANNOT make this poor 9 yr old child feel as if it was her fault that her bro hurt himself. And by extension, it's not bio mom's fault either. Could have happened just as easily if she was watching.
I actually think it's pretty awesome that this other woman has her older children involved with the yunguns in this way. It will build character, responsibility, not to mention the family bond. Also, anyone who comes from a happy blended family will tell you no distinction is made between "full" and "half" siblings. And you can't dismiss family bonds over a large age difference. When the 15 yr old is having children of her own, her younger sibs will maybe be old enough to watch and/or play with them. One of our nearest and dearest relatives is my husband's aunt who helped raise him. She is 12 yrs younger than his mom, but 10 years older than he is.
But, back to your case. I sense that given the girls' school district, a judge might want to leave well enough alone. He may give some weight to the 15 yr old's preference in terms of visitation, so be careful about opening a can of worms there.
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nascarmom
New
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 2
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Thank you for your input. I do understand the importance of sibs learning how to care for one another. But I do not agree with the 9y/o bathing him with NO ADULT SUPERVISION. Even CPS told her this was wrong. When CPS made the follow up at her house and took pics of where the bathroom was and where mom was sitting, she said "under no circumstances should one CHILD be bathing another". So I guess even they feel something was not right about that situation.
My point is.... Why would she tell sd to LIE to her dad? Why did she not think it was important that THEIR daughter had to have a face/face with a cps worker? I thought judges frowned on folks that do not communicate well. This was a very traumatic event in sd's life, her dad should have been notified. Since this incident has occured, sd has become easily irriated and cries for no reason. She is a very immature 9y/o (just turned) last month. From what the family friend told us, (that was at hosp after the accident happened), sd showed NO emotion, not a tear, not a "I'm Sorry", not anything. It was like she didn't even grasp the idea that he was hurt pretty bad. Hubby thinks sd needs counseling. Mom said "if my kids need to talk to anyone, it will be me". So don't even know if he should even try to push that one.
I would never ever try to take the bound away from her and her sibs. I agree with you on that. Either 1/2, step, real or whatever, they are all just kids. My kids and sd's have been a part of each other's lives for like 6-7 yrs now. So yeah, they do fight like real sibs sometimes.
As far as the school district. We only live 10mins from mom. Since we currently have Thurs night on his weekend and Wed night the other week, we bring them to school already on those next mornings. We would continue to do this if she extended visitation. I told my hubby that maybe she would be more inclinded to think about it if we could divide it up where they weren't gone a whole week. Like do alternating days. But we already to whole week / whole week during summer and I am afraid that would confuse things with the kids.
Any advice is welcomed and again, Thanks.
Forgot to add....15y/o has asked mom before (back in Dec) if we could do wk/wk all year like in summer. Mom got MAD. Said "Hell NO, and don't you go asking your daddy either". So we know the girls want to spend more time with dad just as much as he wants to see them more. Why is it so bad that Dad's want to spend more time with thier children? I would think this would be a GOOD thing?
Edited by nascarmom (06/25/08 04:41 AM)
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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More time with Dad is definitely a good thing...unfortunately, more conflict between bio mom & dad is a very BAD thing. Been there, done that. It is really terrible for the kids. An offhand comment made to mom like "My room is cold at night" gets blown up into "he said he doesn't want to stay at your house because you don't care enough about him to turn the heat up." - When we didn't even know of the issue to begin with.
Anyhoo, when my (now 17) SS was little, he and his older bro (now 22) went back and forth between mom & dad's pretty much as he pleased. This was NOT the best, because it turned into them always choosing separate houses. Also, whenever discipline or chores was introduced at one home, they would hightail it to the other. When the younger one was about 11, the plan changed, and we got him for the first 10 days of each month, and then 1 evening thereafter. We left summers flexible. (Ex-wife had always insisted my husband have them the whole summer, b/c she didn't want to deal with child care issue. Anyway, this worked really well. Granted, there was a quick trip every other day to Mom's house to pick up forgotten stuff, but as long as you can be flexible about that kind of thing, it was fine. We also got him a cell phone, so that his friends didn't have trouble tracking him down - he was a very social and popular kid. It worked a lot better having him on a schedule.
The schedule broke down half way through his freshman year of high school. Our 2nd child was born, and our house was not much fun to be around for a teenager - there was little attention to be recieved, and lots more rules. If we had it to do over again, we would have enforced the revised custody schedule, as the kid's grades really slipped.
In any case, middle school was the "golden time" for this kid: He had a lot of involvement and time with BOTH parents, and got straight A's and was capt. of various sports teams etc - it really helped him shine.
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