Clementine
Platinum
Reged: 10/07/07
Posts: 526
Loc: East Coast USA
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Why would an EOW/ NCP take their child on a date with them? Please explain this to me.
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The way I see it..If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain... d.parton
Love, Clem
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 2069
Loc: a better place :)
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you're kidding, right?
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5138
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There needs to be a lot more information here. How long have you been divorced and waht kind of date? I met my husband's kids at a restaurant once after we'd been dating about 6 months, and then again several months later he re-introduced us and we spent more time with together when he was thinking of asking me to marry him. At that point we went to movies with them, horseback riding, boating. Not the stuff we'd ordinarily do on our dates, but stuff he'd want to do with them, and I came along so they could get to know me.
His ex felt it was all wrong and might have asked the same question you just did, but the kids' therapist at the time saw the progress of things and told my husband that he felt we handled everything just right... about a month after our wedding (planned and executed quickly so the kids would not be put through a long, drawn out process on top of my own parents having health issues that would prevent them from participating in anything that took any longer to put together)... he asked for permission to use some of the situations we'd been through in seminars he did on the subject (including the ex threatening to call police and show up in the middle of the wedding because she thought she'd found a loophole to prevent him from having visitation that weekend, and including a few other nasty little things she did)...
Every situation is different, but remember if the kids are simply coming home and saying, "daddy took me on a date", it may be nothing inappropriate at all... (unless you think it's inappropriate for them to meet his friends and have fun with other adults when they're with him, which might be worth discussing what the limits are on you being able to feel good about him having a new life and them being involved in it).
On the other hand, if you were at the movies when you had your weekend alone, and saw him taking the toddlers into an R-rated movie to sit in the chair beside him and nap while he fondled his girlfriend & necked with her during the flick... well, that's very different and you have every right to be angry and the motivation for taking the kid in that circumstance is simply to avoid having to hire a sitter (or admit to you that he wanted a sitter).
Give us the circumstances and we may be able to actually answer your qeustions more reasonably about what his motives might be.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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yeah, when you get an answer tell me why my ex wife would have her new boyfriend sleep over while my daughter is there after I had only been out of the house less than a month (this isn't a one time thing either)?
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5138
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She's a selfish sleaze? How old is your daughter and how much does this affect her personally? Is she old enough to have a clue what a sleepover really means? If so, then why did the judge allow this to happen in the temporary orders?
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5138
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By the way, it's a HUGE leap from simply going on a date... to dinner or coffee or an amusement park... to a sleepover. And that's what I'm getting at. It's not enough to get all angry over a DATE that your stbx or ex has. Certainly not getting angry just because teh date meets the kid. I mean, exactly when is the new step=parent supposed to meet the kid? 10 years after the wedding, when the kid is an adult? I know there are some people who would prefer the ex NEVER be allowed to introduce new people to the kid, NEVER be allowed to continue with their own life... but that's simply not goign to happen. I know everyone thinks thier OWN way of choosing WHEN and HOW to introduce new people to the kids is the RIGHT way, and teh EX's way will ALWAYS be wrong. It's kind of a natural way to feel.
BUT... think it through. is this your anger or is it a real danger of your kid being exposed to something inappropriate? (and not simply disapproving of your ex's choices of who to date... but rather that your ex is actually exposing the kids to inappropriate STUFF, like open sexuality, like a pedophile, like drunken brawls... all of which can happen even if your ex is NOT dating, but has chosen an inappropriate living situation of ANY sort).
There is no prohibition on dating. Separated people date. Simple as that. It happens and the courts will almost never say that it's wrong. Not JUST "dating".
"dating", which includes a sleepover is something they'll raise thier eyebrows over. "Dating" which includes taking the kid to a nightclub and sitting them in a corner (or maybe having them wait in teh car) while the ex has fun... that'll be something they're offended at. But "dating", plain & simple... like meeting someone you want to flirt with for coffee and allowing them to buy you coffee and the kid gets a frappe? Well, the judges will probably see that as calm, not nasty, almost charming in comparison to what they're used to seeing.
So when you complain, be specific... say, "my 15 year old daughter is being exposed to my stbx wife's boyfriend coming over for sleepovers at her mother's house just a few weeks after I walked out!" To which I'd say, "EEEEEK! Hang that stbx!"
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
Why would an EOW/ NCP take their child on a date with them? Please explain this to me.
1. people want to 'show off' and kids are a good way to show 'how great i am'.
2. not being able to go ONE Second apart from the S.O.
3. not really being able to care for the kids alone so this is a good solution.
4. mfergel....cuz your child's mother is an idiot...what SHE'S doing is not dating! she's seriously a piece of work.
good thing your little girl is little.
im sorry youre dealing with this.
i really wish people would wait a couple of 'serious' months before going 'out' with the kids. but that's because im normal and not everyone is.
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taryn.
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 906
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Who knows....my ex does it all the time. Has our daughter sleep over too! He did it from day 1 even before we were divorced.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
Who knows....my ex does it all the time. Has our daughter sleep over too! He did it from day 1 even before we were divorced.
people sure make different (odd...) choices!
honestly sometimes im baffled!
ick, Jule!
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taryn.
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 2069
Loc: a better place :)
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so, taryn, are you saying that 2 1/2 months post-separation, when my stbx introduced my kids to gf AND 2 weeks later moved said gf and her 3 kids into the house is probably a no-no? oh, and knocking her up while he is still married to me and she is still married to her husband is probably a no-no, also? i just want to be clear on right and wrong. 
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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