doc101
New
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 3
Loc: south carolina
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been married for 9yrs and finally just couldn't take it anymore. We werent getting along and havent spoken in 3wks. I moved out on May 28 and moved into an apt on May 29 and have had no contact with her. Since then, she will not let me talk to my daughters, even though I mail her money for the 2 of them. She has hacked my checking account and set up auto bill pay with my authorization. She has sent numerous emails to friends and family stating that I am gay and HIV positive, which is not true. What can I do without resorting to beating the sh*** out of her and going to jail
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Andre Cohen
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3458
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Here is what you need to do:
Get temporary orders set-up that states clearly the days you are supposed to see your children, the police won't enforce a vague order. Can you get a hold of those slanderous e-mails?
If she is not an authorized user on the checking account, what she did is illegal. And you need to let your bank know what she did and get everything changed so that it won't happen again. If it is a joint account, she doesn't need your permission to access it or set up automatic billpay.
Get yourself a lawyer and whatever you do, don't hit her or threaten her at all.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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IMHO You need an attorney right away!!!, not on retainer until you have time to check one out, but you cannot waste another day or you could lose custody of your kids while she sets the scene up. Get one to file opening papers immediately! or you will be too busy spending on defense to get the kids later. File for dissolution, you can amend it later but get the basic filing in ASAP. At the same time emergency motion for custody, support of the kids, an injunction against her dissapating assets, and most imporantly a visitation schedule for her. Specifically mention prevention of contact and alienation. You need to file first because you will only get fifteen minutes before the judge and your attorney needs to take most of that up. You can expect false allegations coming at you next, so it's important the judge gets an idea what they are dealing with or you'll be behind the 8 ball forever. And I do mean forever.
Stop sending money, stop talking, start preparing for being a father in family court, not good. Above all do not do ANYTHING wrong. I'd love to have a clause in my final decree to allow beating the sh*** out of her monthly too, but don't appear angry at all, just concerned. Good luck. www.martindale.com
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1063
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If the local rules permit it, you could sue her for that libel, as a seperate issue from any divorce. If she can't prove it, you could get a judgement from her on it but, depending on your state, you may first have to prove financial damage as a result.
Edited by jbar (06/20/08 03:58 AM)
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1493
Loc: Texas
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First mistake was moving out. Second mistake was getting an apartment. Regardless of why you did it (short of your life was in danger), the courts could see this as abandonment. If at all possible, try to move back (kind of hard if you already signed a lease, tho, but you can still move back physically).
As others have said, you need to find an attorney YESTERDAY. Women have the upper hand in divorces from the start, and a vindictive woman can absolutely ruin your life forever (e.g., falsely claim sexual molestation of the children). And document EVERYTHING ... conversations with your wife, bank (other financial) statements, phone records, etc. Have a witness/friend go with you to the house, if need be. And so on. Whatever you do, DON'T (1) engage in abusive language with your wife or (2) physically strike your wife. Realize that this is now a war and she has already fired the first few shots.
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doc101
New
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 3
Loc: south carolina
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I live in South Carolina and already kept in touch with my attorney. The day after I moved out, I went to him and told him everything. He told me that it would be hard to prove abandonment, since the state doesn't recognize that anymore. I have bank records where she has accessed my accounts without permission. I also have an email where she pretends to be me and she telling this person that I am HIV positive and also emails that she has sent my mother harassing her with [censored] material and stating thats its from me. Could I use this info in court.
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Andre Cohen
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cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 557
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Get a lawyer NOW,document all you can and keep your mouth shut. You will never see those kids again and your life will be a living hell for years if you beat her up.
A real man would never hit a woman for any reason,period. Get a lawyer and take those fists to the gym and take it out on a speed bag. It takes balls of steel to sit back and gather info during this, but ya gotta do it.
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My X makes Peg Bundy look good.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1493
Loc: Texas
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>>>>> "A real man would never hit a woman for any reason,period."
Not even self-defense?
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1063
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You made a big mistake setting up that auto-bill pay. In any coming divorce you will get no credit or consideration from a court for anything you may have done without being ordered to do so by a judge. Instead of sending her money for the kids (again--doesn't make any difference in a divorce unless ordered) I would ask her what the kids need and bring the groceries, etc., to her physically. I would wear a portable tape recorder and deliberately engage her in conversation about the food, how the kids are, etc. She will get the idea, which is that if she causes you any trouble the groceries may stop until you are ordered to pay her CS, and for all she knows this could be an extended time (not that you would actually stop delivering them, but why tell HER that?)
Check any "Standing Orders" for divorce cases in your local courthouse. See if there may be any way that you can position yourself to any advantage if these orders are applied. For example, if the orders require that all payments for utilities, etc., are to continue to be paid by the party who has been paying them, you might consider depositing cash into her seperate checking account, instead of having them automatically taken out of yours, explaining that "automatic debits are dangerous, and if they take too much or give it to the wrong person, it can be almost impossible to get the bank to accept liability" (true). This will get her paying the bills with, what at least on the surface, appears to be her own money. You will have receipts that you deposited the cash, if you ever need them, but no one else will know where the money came from. Always deposit some odd-ball amount, such as $615.34. Since activities at teller windows are taped, and traffic around the bank is as well, I would wear a different disguise evry time, and park away from the bank.
Following these instructions, she will face an uphill battle to prove that anyone but herself has been taking care of the utilities and the kids, and should be more amenable to fair negotiations.
Disclaimer: Not legal advice
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