hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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Hi,
Me and my ex have joint legal custody with me having physical custody. He requested in the divorce agreement that our son be placed in a free summer camp. Otherwise he would have to pay 40% and I 60%. He refuses to pay for camp. Now I found a free camp which i had to wait in line for 10 hours to secure a spot. people were lined up for two days to get there kids in this camp.
Being that the camp is free there is a waiting list for kids to get in therefore the campers that are enrolled can only miss two days and need a medical note. Now my ex sent me a certified letter in which i recieved today stating that he is going on vacation to georgia from 6/30 and returning 7/7 which jeopardizes my sons enrollment in camp. He also stated that if he doesnt hear from me by 6/26 he will pick up my son on 6/30. Now that gives me a three day response time and a 7 day notification of him planning to leave the state. I work full time therefore he needs to be in camp. He has money to go on vacation but claims he cant pay for camp. he went to florida last summer and this year he has already been to georgia and is going back. I know he has the money. does anyone have advice on what i can do? i live in ny.
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eiram
Gold
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 102
Loc: Indiana
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you might be screwed on this. try taking the court order to the camp and show them it is a court order for visitation. this might help be your documentation. sorry and good luck.
--------------------
to my ex - what goes around, comes around. you'll get yours...
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1309
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Am I right in thinking his requested time from 6/30 to 7/7 is a last minute thing? Why can't he take the vacation without your son?
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1332
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I agree with the last minute thing. He got his wish for the free camp. He needs to forget about taking his son on vacation. I can't imagine the decree is written such that he's allowed to give short notice for a week's vacation, plus expect you to put him in free camp and handle it all. That's not reasonable.
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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Thanks for your replies. Yes his request was last minute. Im just afraid if i dont hand my son over can i get in trouble? My ex is entitled to 4 wks vacation but he's the one who wanted a free camp. If he wouldve paid his share and enrolled in a regular camp then there would be more flexibilty. I myself cant go anywhere because of the camp rules.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1332
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If it's written in the agreement that camp has to be free, AND that he gets 4 weeks visitation, then you probably got screwed. That's an unreasonable request when combined together. You signed this and agreed to this?
If he needs a free camp that bad, he can find one next year that will allow vacations during the summer. It's just an unreasonable combination of requests in my opinion. Plus, if the camp says your son can't return after his vacation, even if it is a court ordered vacation, then your x should have to fork over money to pay for a regular camp (which might be hard to find one with space at this time of year). I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know what it's like to feel like your back is up against a wall. I hope it works out for you.
Maybe they'll allow the week-long break if you show them your court order. Either way, I would make your ex find the camp next year. This isn't fair to you. It's his request. You don't need to do his bidding!
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1332
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also, are there rules for giving notice before summer visitation? Like, you need to know by April 15th what his vacation plans are for the summer so you can plan accordingly? These parents that think they can show up a week before a long vacation drive me nuts. Like the rest of the world sits around waiting for them to make up their mind what they're going to do, and then we all need to run around and make it happen for them?? WTF?
Check your decree to see if there's wording on visitation notice. Maybe you can get off the hook there.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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[quote]Thanks for your replies. Yes his request was last minute. Im just afraid if i dont hand my son over can i get in trouble? My ex is entitled to 4 wks vacation but he's the one who wanted a free camp. If he wouldve paid his share and enrolled in a regular camp then there would be more flexibilty. I myself cant go anywhere because of the camp rules. [/quote]
Here is what you tell your ex:
I enrolled son in a free camp per your request. He can only miss 2 days at the most. You want to take him on a vacation that is going to get him kicked out of the free camp.
I will need you to write me a check for $$$(his portion per the court order) so that he can go to this other camp that doesn't have a limit on missed days.
If you don't want to pay for the camp, I suggest that you change your plans.
It is entirely up to you.
BTW, is it too late to enroll him in a regular camp?
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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The divorce agreement entitles him to 4 wks to spend with our son. He requested that I find a free camp first but its doesnt have to be. If I couldnt find a free camp then he's required to pay 40% and I would pay 60%. There is no stipulation about how far in advance he needs to let me know but common sense would tell you that is way too short of a notice. He sprung this vacation thing on me at last minute. He refuses to pay for it. I think Im going to end up back in court. I just dont want to end up with no camp at all.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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[quote]The divorce agreement entitles him to 4 wks to spend with our son. He requested that I find a free camp first but its doesnt have to be. If I couldnt find a free camp then he's required to pay 40% and I would pay 60%. There is no stipulation about how far in advance he needs to let me know but common sense would tell you that is way too short of a notice. He sprung this vacation thing on me at last minute. He refuses to pay for it. I think Im going to end up back in court. I just dont want to end up with no camp at all. [/quote]
It does sound like you are going to have to go to court if it isn't specifically spelled out that he pays for camp if his actions lead to child being kicked out of the free camp. And to get it to where he has to give you a reasonable amount of notice for the weeks he plans on taking.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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The court order sounds clear to me - if camp is not free, he pays 40%. Take eiram’s suggestion and see if unexpected visitation requirement will wash with the camp. If not, find another camp for your son to go to once he returns and request 40% reimbursement from your ex for that.
If there’s nothing in the parenting plan requiring a specific amount of notice for his summer parenting time, you’ll just have to roll with it.
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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Thanks guys for all your advice. So far I overnighted a letter basically telling him why my son couldnt go. I emphasized the fact that he wanted the free camp and either way it wasnt a sufficient amount time that he gave me notification. I gave him the camp info and told him he can call them if he had any questions. I will keep you updated.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1332
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Good for you HT! Put the "monkey" on his back. Let him deal with the responsibility of his requests and actions. I hope it all works out for you.
Thanks for keeping us updated.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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I know he's sent mixed messages. Withholding visitation is not the right string for you to be pulling on. The other end of that string is attached to your son.
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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[quote]I know he's sent mixed messages. Withholding visitation is not the right string for you to be pulling on. The other end of that string is attached to your son. [/quote]
I am not witholding visitation. My son sees his father every other weekend as stated in the divorce decree. He is also entitled to one day in middle of the week which he chooses not to use. As far as summer HE doesnt want to pay for camp. He has not paid for afterschool or bus transportation as he is supposed to. I wanted to put my son in the ymca by my job so in case of emergency i am near him and for the flexibility. Again my ex husband does not want to pay so therefore he has to abide by the rules of the camp.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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[quote]I am not witholding visitation. My son sees his father every other weekend as stated in the divorce decree. He is also entitled to one day in middle of the week which he chooses not to use.[/quote]
Above I believe you said he was also entitled to 4 weeks during the summer. That time is no less sacred than the time every other weekend.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1309
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[quote][quote]he was also entitled to 4 weeks during the summer. That time is no less sacred than the time every other weekend. [/quote]
He is entitled to 4 weeks but not by giving two days notice of when he wants it. He has to be reasonable with his request. Thought we already covered this.
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1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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Is he flying or driving? Ask him when the reservations were made try to get proof so you can take it to court that he is playing stupid games and trying to stick it to you.
I doubt with as cheap as he sounds and the way airline tickets going up in price he just booked this. Most jobs also require notice for vacation and it is more than a week.
Try to get roof of this for court, bc I am sure he will try the rule to show cause that you violated his vacation.
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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kgrow - He's the one who wants a free camp as i already stated. The camps regulations are that he cannot miss more than 2 days. If my ex is to cheap to pay for a regular camp then it's not my fault his 4 weeks get screwed up. He also works from 4 to midnight and doesnt get home until about 1 sometimes 2. He leaves for work at 2:30 in the afternoon. He has no family here. So for four weeks who is my son going to be with? My ex only has 2 maybe 3 wks vacation and he alread used 2.
1227- He intends to drive there which I am also worried about because he drives with road rage. Speeds on the highway and has gotten many tickets and violations for running stop signs and exceeding speed limit. He just got into a car accident with the kids, he ran into the person in front of him. He refused medical treatment. So guess who picked them up and went to the hospital? Me.
Now for my update:
I got another certified letter which didnt address any of the issues. He rambled on about nonsense that didnt pertain to camp, vacation or anything else that he was supposed to. I also received a notice to appear in court next week. He claims that i am witholding our son from him, not allowing him to contact him and for child support. Now the moron is supposed to pay me for child support. I drop my son off every other weekend as I am supposed to. He fails to exercise his right to take him one day during the week. He never calls my phone so i will print phone records to show that he never calls. He called yesterday and said he is going to call our son every night. What a coincidence that he will start calling the day he filed the petition. We are going to see the same judge who granted the divorce. He is a no nonsense judge who probably going to take one look and throw us out the court room. Me ex is digging himself in a hole. will update you guys again.
Thanks again for your advice
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