jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1491
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So, 123 - I am betting you are very sorry you ever posted here. And that would be sad, because we are usually pretty helpful.
Here are some additional observations:
- If you tell a judge that he has never used Christmas visition, his lawyer is going to talk about your controlling the situation to the point that the father could not build a relationship at all.
- If you talk about not wanting him to have vacations - the other lawyer is going to talk about how many nights he has missed with his children.
If he hires a good lawyer, and you do anything even close to the above in writing - you will lose a lot. What most CP have been accused of is being controlling and judges get very crazy on that issue.
Do not answer his request directly. Go through a lawyer. And listen to that person. They are going to give you perspective.
I know this is scary. You are going from 100% to less than and your kids will have an adjustment period. But he is their dad and you have to let him be the dad - on his own turf. You can't control it.
Things you can control:
- Forfeited time is not made up. Write that in the agreement.
- Father has to have a bedroom for the girls.
- Father has to have car seats.
Controlling the environment for them from a safety stand point is something people will support. Putting in reasonable time frames for notice, etc. is something that is supported.
Think about joint custody. It sounds like a huge battle to lose= but it isn't. It means major decisions only like private vs public school. Changing religion.
If he steps up, your daughters win. If he doesn't, it doesn't hurt you and your daughters are young enough to not really get as impacted.
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msty
Platinum
Reged: 11/16/07
Posts: 221
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My two cents, for what it is worth...
I think it is sad he readily gave up his parental rights at a time he should have ensured his role in his children's lives.
I know divorce sucks and it sounds like he was kind of a selfish dick in the first place, but he is their dad.
Your husband is their stepdad.
As their biological father, who wants to take his rightful place in their lives, he should.
You are their mother, but you are not their only parent. And if he wants to spend more time with them, just let him.
The ten minutes thing is a little hardcore.
In order to get what is best for the girls, go to a mediator and try to compromise on parenting time. I think alternating holidays (major holidays like Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving) is what is right. It may not be in YOUR best interest, but it is in the children's.
Claiming you only had a third child because he would have other siblings to spend holidays with is lame. You have more kids not because you plan how all your holidays will be, but because you want more kids.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, but the girls should have their dad in their lives. You can be the bigger person and help nurture that relationship because it will be better for them in the long run to have a father who takes an active role in their lives. Your new husband cannot replace their father no matter how much you want him to.
Seriously, I know it sucks. But just like you said, they should know their grandparents, and what about his family?
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Everything now is as it should be.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3066
Loc: Florida
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I wonder if this wasn't a test?
The poster hasn't been back to defend their position...or to make any further comments or clarification.
Interesting also how the posters that replied are CP's and some that have abusive ex's or at least major problem ex's yet aren't jaded to the right that both parents should have in their childrens lives.
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**5 weeks to go**
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]I wonder if this wasn't a test?
The poster hasn't been back to defend their position...or to make any further comments or clarification.
Interesting also how the posters that replied are CP's and some that have abusive ex's or at least major problem ex's yet aren't jaded to the right that both parents should have in their childrens lives. [/quote]
Interesting, isn't it?
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: bottom of a pit
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i know my reply was a bit sarcastic, but even i have almost 50/50 custody with a man who participated in about 5% (that is no exaggeration) of the girls' lives when we are married. even now, it is his gf who does the majority of the interaction, not him. i still can't deny him his right to be a father.
interesting is right.
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Live well. It is the greatest revenge.
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Determined_Dad
Silver
Reged: 02/02/07
Posts: 92
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I can understand where 123 would be coming from. I mean, she's basically raised 2 kids for the past 10 years w/out the help of the father. I can see how she would be defensive and even scared that he's making these demands. Unfortunally for her, she's given a response without taking a look at the complete picture. Having the father make these "demands" could be a wonderful thing. That means he wants to take part in his children's lives. That's great for them! I hope it all works out.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]Unfortunally for her, she's given a response without taking a look at the complete picture. [/quote]
You may want to go and re-read her posts. Her kids aren't even 10 years old and she said nothing about the father not exercising the parenting time that he does have.
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