Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2209
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Studies have shown your list to be equally accurate with spousal abuse from either party.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2456
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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anytime Kids (or anyone)
has to witness abuse it it
just horrible and sad.
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taryn.
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OutOfControl
New
Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 8
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My husband has choked me in front of my friends, mother, and son. He has smacked me in the face while driving with my son in the back of the car. He has been violent for some time now. I have in the past gotten a RO but the police did nothing the three times he dropped by the house. They are useless....he came over and called me whenever he felt like it. He has a serious drug problem and is the worst person I have ever met. I know I need to eave and go somewhere else but where I live I could not afford an aprtment or anything by myslef. Shelters around here are out of the question. I just keep letting him shit on me every day.
I really feel bad for my son. I am not the mother I want to be because of my husbands behavior and he is not a father at all unless he is high and feels good at the moment. He is either High and nice or comming down and everyone better walk on eggshells or all hell will be released. Keep in mind he is 6'8" tall and about 290 lbs. The cops know who he is and when ever we call they always send the biggest cops to our home.
I hate my life and I hate not being able to get rid of him.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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OutOfControl
New
Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 8
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[quote] Know who went to jail that nite? ME. T [/quote]
Been there...cops could give a shit and judges don't care either. My husband beat the bathroom door down to choke my in the shower, I punched him so hard in the nose it burst into a bloody mess, one of our neighbors called the cops and because he was all bloody and I was hysterical they took me. They did not press charges, one officer stayed behind and looked at the house. He must have figured out what happend looking at the bathroom door. I think we replaced that door four times. Each time he comes down off of his Meth someone in our house pays for it with emotional and physical abuse. I HATE HIM. I always pray the plane he is on crashes, and I wish the affair he had for six months didn't pan out. I wish he would have runa away with her. They were perfect for each other. Both White trash losers. The courts in CA don't care either. It is a NO FAULT STATE...he gets half of my life when all he putinto it was fear, pain and distress.
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heartbrokenguy
Bronze
Reged: 05/01/08
Posts: 42
Loc: Ohio
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[quote]
I wonder if kids get better over time once
the situation is gone.
[/quote]
Bringing back this older thread because I think I may be able to give some insight into this question (as the adult son of an abused mother).
I cannot speak for everyone in this situation, but I can say that, although not perfectly "adjusted," my siblings and I did recover for the most part. Of the four of us, all three graduated from college. Two of us have masters degrees, and my older brother is currently doing doctoral studies. We lived, and we thrived, thanks to the support of a wonderful mother. She is the strongest person I know.
None of us are settled or happy, we all carry scars to a greater or lesser degree. But, I do not think we are any worse off than others in our age group (20's and 30's) who did not live through that situation. My brother has some anger issues, but has come a long way. I am on my way to divorce, but aside from her shoving me once while intoxicated, thankfully there was no physical abuse on either side.
I can also offer insights on growing up with a deadbeat dad if anyone is interested. Last I checked, my father was top 10 in the state of Ohio.
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She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2026
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[quote]SEPERATED NOW, BABY DUE IN JUNE, HAVE 1 YR OLD AT HOME ALSO HIS, CURRENT P.O. IS NO CONTACT EXCEPT REASONABLE VISITATION, WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE ALL VISITATION TO SUPERVISED, DIVORCE PROBABLY WON'T BE FINAL TIL OCT. , MOVING, DO NOT WANT HIM TO KNOW LOCATION, HE HAS ABOUT 4/5 ABUSE CONVICTIONS (3 ON ME) WHAT DO I DO [/quote]
Wifey, I remember your first post here on the forum. Repost your comment as a new thread. You will get helpful advice.
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saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2901
Loc: here
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[quote]*Sleeplessness, fears of going to sleep, nightmares, dreams of danger
*Headaches, stomachaches
*Anxiety about being hurt or killed
*Withdrawal from other people and activities
*Listlessness, depression, little energy for life
*Feelings of loneliness and isolation
*Talk of suicide or suicide attempts
*Frozen watchfulness or excessive fear around the abusive person.
*Acting perfect, overachieving, acting like perfect adults (!!!!)
*Worrying, difficulties in concentrating & paying attention
*Eating problems
*ulcers
*Posttaumatic stress Disorder [/quote]
A few extra:
* becoming the caretaker
*buffer between parent and other siblings, "taking one for the team"
*distrust/having no clue about relationships
I agree with the above about children that witness abuse of parents. Fathers and mothers towards each other, towards the kids.
In my instance the father was the abused.
Ah...and then comes in the preceding years the absence of one parent. I read something years ago in school that really hit a nerve with me about not just what a child experiences with an abusive parent, father OR mother, but also what kind of influences a parent makes. One of the things mentioned was something as simple as a father wrestling with their daughters. To, not be afraid to allow that kind of playing. It actually helps the daughters build self-confidence, independence, trust in males.
Anyways, off topic kind of, but thats how my brain works at times.
Good post
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1302
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These are all stress indicators for any type of cause. Kids under 5 have different indicators then this with the exception of the bed wetting.
One question that I'm just not sure of. Aren't kids in abusive families abused physically also?
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3255
Loc: Florida
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[quote]One question that I'm just not sure of. Aren't kids in abusive families abused physically also? [/quote]
Not always. Sometimes it's a father/female thing...where the husband feels he should have complete control over the female or wife in the family so if there is a son in the family then he does not necessarily get abused but instead is shown how to control the woman.
I also thought for a long time that the abuse in my family wasn't done to the kids...I found out later that it was hidden from me by both my ex and by the kids who would face further repercussions from their father if they told me. I don't know why I was able to put up with the abuse my ex dolled out to me, but I knew that I was biding my time until I could get out...however never would I have put up with him doing the stuff to my kids that was later disclosed.
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