I've been married for 11 years. My husband is a Gulf War Vet and he's recently - after a long time - been diagnosed with suffering from PTSD.
Anyway...the marriage has been strained to say the least. I don't consider myself a victim of extreme domestic abuse - I know there are many more people out there suffering from far more than I...but he has been physically abusive in the past and more so emotionally and verbally abusive quite often.
The part I don't understand is - he's like a drug - I for whatever reason don't seem to have enough courage to leave him.
Is there somewhere this courage comes from? I've left him before - but caved within two weeks and we were back together.
I feel like such a failure in life...I've married a child...and in some ways it's like I have to keep looking out for him because I feel compelled - as if I took the responsibility so keep going.
I'm just looking, at this point, for some type of emotional support.
If anyone is out there - who can help I would greatly appreciate hearing from you.
What you are feeling is normal. The average times an abuse victim leaves the offender is 11 times, before actually making the break for good. It is very confusing, one momemt they are loving you, saying your the best thing since slice cheese and the next they are saying that the bug under the rock is better than you. You are not sure what you feel, what to think and sometimes what is happening.
A friend suggested to me the book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. Also look into counseling-calling the domestic abuse center should be able to help with this.
What you are feeling is normal. You are a beautiful, smart and intelligent woman. You are strong and can make it on your own. You are special and was not created to live this way. There is happiness out there for you. Just a little pep talk. Good Luck.
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