numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Its ok Norcal, even when we disagree you know I still luvs ya girl.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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Reasonable behavior on the part of the guy that is in the book club with your GF, NO.
However, you should never resort to the level you are talking about to deal with the situation. It is dangerous and dumb and sets a bad example for your kids. (I seem to recall that you have kids.)
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saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2911
Loc: here
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I only read the original post and my opinion is this:
As "admirable" as it may be to kick his butt, my first thought is did your gf tell him to stop.
If I were in her shoes, I would have told him that comment was innapropriate and I didnt appreciate it and walk off. If it continued I would simply leave while telling the "bookstores" front desk about the man's behavior.
Why......she was still around for him to "slap" her I dont know unless she worked there is beyond me. First contact he made on me like that and I would have had the cops on him after verbally warning him.
Valiant you may be, but she is an adult and should take up for herself instead of allowing you to get in the middle and possibly wind up in jail.
Sorry, I have a PPA about those that "like" to be saved and allowing the SO to look foolish or getting in trouble.
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"...And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses..."
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 999
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Yay! I knew there had to be at least one of you out there!!!
You win for best answer! 
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3268
Loc: Florida
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Quote:
I wonder if it just isn't a basic human sexual dimorphism that males display a greater propensity toward violence than females (don't we?).
Well I can tell you what responses I've seen from past relationships in situations that mirror this one:
1st ex - He's a wimp and simply would let it happen and not ever ever comment on it.
2nd ex - Although he's muscled up, he exerts violence only towards children and women...so his response is to ignore the guy and then yell at me later after kicking in the door or punching a wall in the house.
My hubby now - he would probably shove the guy up against the wall (actually did do this in a bar not too long ago to protect another woman in our group of friends out) and tell him what an a$$hole he is and hold him there 'til security escorted the male offender out.
My own response - more on my hubby's end...yet if this is someone that I had to constantly deal with (relative or co-worker or the such), I would be calling said police to file charges. No outright punch 'til further warranted by further physical pursuit, but I ain't ignoring it.
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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It has been a very long time since I was in a physical altercation. I'm not afraid of it, but I know it is what people that can't think of anything better resort to. To quote from an Isaac Asimov character: Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
At my side gig there is a guy that I don't get along with who has repeatedly offered to step outside so we can fight. I always respond that he may be able to kick my a$$ but in the end I will still be smarter and have a better life. Other guys that I have had issues with I have almost come to blows with but in the end became friendly.
I don't think violence is ever the answer, but in the heat of the moment sometimes our lesser nature surfaces.
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is it over
Platinum
Reged: 11/19/06
Posts: 331
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Maybe I missed it.. in the 15 pages of comments.. but where do you live that some guy would grab a girls a** repeatedly.. in a bookstore???? (or was bookstore code for club at 1 am)?
I just somehow wonder if you have seen all sides.. maybe she hasnt just told him to leave her the hell alone. This sounds like something outta deliverance.. but if the story goes as you tell it.. then I would say yeah.. he needs his a** kicked.
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Ryno77
Platinum
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 642
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I respect your opinion, Lair. I do have two kids. While I agree that it's not the smart thing to do, and it's not the civilized thing to do, I'm convinced the behavior is appropriate.
With a certain level of intelligence you can talk up any side of an argument and make it sound like it's the right one. If I wanted to, I could do a 180 and present several strong reasons why you should NEVER consider responding with force. Sometimes you have to just go with what feels right, though.
Some abstract things can't be explained away. Attraction, for instance. That's not about logic and it's not an exercise in theory. It's biological. It's something where people let their base human nature tell them what they want. I don't see this situation as being any different. Sometimes you just need to let go of the logic and simply embrace what it is to be alive...to be human. In this case, to be a man that's been challenged by the behavior of another man. Once verbal warnings have failed, it's obvious that many woman (not all) consider the behavior appropriate, even if on paper it's not a great idea. It appeals on some basic level to them as well.
In my opinion, Isaac Asimov is overthinkin' it . To each his own I suppose.
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2763
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At least he quoted from fiction.................. That was just a joke put that keyboard down.
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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My kids figure into almost everything I do almost ever since I had them. I wouldn't want them to have to hear about dad getting bailed out of jail for a rash action.
I don't buy the idea that it is human to just strike out at someone, it is the ability to reason that separates us from the chimpanzees. There are indeed certain times that the only way that an issue will be settled is with violence, but those are rare and even then it should be the absolute last resort. I think it makes you more of a man to walk away especially when you know you can enforce your will by force yet choose not to. I know that the women I have found myself with would be far more impressed to see me verbally destroy someone than get into a physical altercation.
Hey now, don't dis my boy Isaac. You wanna step outside?
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