Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Boy it sure is different. Kind of sucks.
Not sure what to think about it other then most relationships start with sex before love.
Guess I am not alone. LOL
At this point I am still trying define what love really is
At least I know what sex is. I like it but boy it sure is different.
So who else felt this way after being married for years and in love at one time ??
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1259
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At this stage in my life, I couldn't do sex without love. When I was younger, what the heck. Anything went. But now, if I don't feel connected to a man, I would never consider sex. For me right now, sex without love would be a dirty deed. I need my sex to be making love, not just having sex. I think I would feel very empty afterwards if I didn't love the guy.
When I was younger, sex without love was just that, empty sex. All the unknowns of will he call me? I wonder if it was good for him. It was more of a conquest rather than true sexual fulfillment. These days, I'm holding out for the sexual fulfillment. To me, that's priceless.
As I think about it, the last 2 years of my marriage were basically sex without love. We really weren't in love any more, and I felt it more my duty than a desire for sex with my stbx. It was empty then, too. Yuk.
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2760
Loc: Wisconsin
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A rather odd post from The Motor-Head, methinks.
Bad sexual encounter last night?
I already know what sex without love is like. I'm really not INTERESTED in sex without love at this point in my life (not specifically with YOU, Motor-Head, but with ANYBODY, so don't take it personally).
Unlike what some others have posted here, I really DID love my wife. Hopelessly. Totally. Unconditionally. And until such time as I can experience that again, I guess I'll just go fishing alot.
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Perhaps I should have given a little more background info as I did not just go out and get laid last night and think boy this is different.
I found out a ladie that works at the same company was divorced. I had know her for the last 8 yeas as a married person and so was I. We wear both on the Christmas committee and we had a budget to spend so we had a fun time coming up with ways to spend it. Etc etc etc . Basically always new she was fun person and liked her personality but never thought anything of it as we were both married. Then I found out she was D So we started talking and such for about the last month. Went out etc etc . Then it happened. So I do have feelings for her and like her a lot but to say I love her . Well I can’t say that because I can’t even define what love is at this point.
We do have a connection/ I think about her all the time and she does about me as well. She treats me with respect etc etc I guess at one time I would have defined this as love but after getting what I considered burned in my marriage I just don’t know.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2348
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Well, love grows. If the feeling of love isn't there yet, that's ok. She sounds pretty nice and in time, you'll be in love with her....AND you'll say it. You're just not ready/feeling it yet.
Has she said "I love you?"
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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I have to let you know motor...that is of course assuming I ever have sex again. :-(
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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justmejulia
Gold
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 186
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Well I totally get that the sex with love is better. But I am a firm believer in that old song. If you can't be with the one you love....love the one you are with. I really do not love with the depth I did before divorce. I cannot let anyone get that close. After my most recent heartbreak, I may just consider that sex without love is at least better than no sex at all!
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Quote:
Well, love grows. If the feeling of love isn't there yet, that's ok. She sounds pretty nice and in time, you'll be in love with her....AND you'll say it. You're just not ready/feeling it yet.
Has she said "I love you?"
No she has not said it out right but makes comments about how I have consumed her life and how good she feels since we started talking etc. I think part of the problem is both our x spouses cheated and we both wanted to try and save them relationship but failed. I think we are both afraid at this point LOL
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Julia, call me
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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justmejulia
Gold
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 186
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Quote:
Julia, call me
PM me your number!
Trust me this attitude has made me quite popular. I am not sure how I feel about the men I am attracting though!
I have been on POF and I have about 8 men chasing me presently. Two are just shameless! I am having fun with it though and at least I am not crying in my beer over the ex!
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2760
Loc: Wisconsin
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Quote:
No she has not said it out right but makes comments about how I have consumed her life and how good she feels since we started talking etc.
Sounds like "all is well" at this point.
Like Sarah says, love takes time to grow. I piled into a sexual relationship with MY X on the second date and we ended up spending 15 years together, most of which were pretty good. Just because you didn't fall in love with each other FIRST and THEN begin a sexual relationship doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.
Who wouldn't be afraid post-D?
I'm scared shitless my damn SELF.
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Quote:
Julia, call me
LOL
Ya she kind of let the cat of the bag with that responsive.
But I know exactly what Julia is saying
.I mean if you’re going to wait for love first I think some will never have sex again .
Your choice I guess LOL
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2348
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I agree, all is well. Take things as they come.
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1593
Loc: Western New York
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Was dating a guy from Plenty of Fish for a while & had no connection - other than the physical. We had only kissed, but boy was it hot.
One night, over dinner, I just realized I could never love him. He's not smart/curious enough for me. I knew I'd lose interest.
Upon breaking up, I mentioned that I thought he was hot and we'd prob. be great sex partners (let him know what he does right), but aside from working out, we have nothing in common.
He jumped right on that and offered to be my FWB. Said he'd be discreet and that he's "clean." Well, I must say, I was tempted. FB - whenever I needed him, no strings, could continue my search for Mr. Right, while getting laid by hot athletic guy. Hmmmmm ...
Naaaaah.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 556
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Feels good to me! I too loved my wife,very deeply. But you know what? I didn't love her when we started having sex, that love grew.
I say go for it. It happens,great! It doesn't, that's great too. It will find you eventually.
When all else fails there is always p0rn. Surfs Up!
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My X makes Peg Bundy look good.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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while im NOT saying everyone should start whoring around.
and that i think it's best to be in a committed relationship.
(okay, really my BELIEFS are you should save it for marriage...but...well, you know...sigh...)
i would be WAY to scared to start having some intense feelings for some,
then sleeping with someone who you love or are starting to love
is just WAY to scary.
it probably would be unbelievably intense,
but then i would proably hit the door running.
im too vulnerable to 'feel' right now,
and
too stupid to choose guys worthy of those feelings.
so NOW, im (well, not really dating) going to do a dating with 'no sex' thing. im curious how it will play out!
will i cave in? how long till im dumped?
if i wait, THEN cave in...is it because ive developed feelings?
goodness.
i am SERIOUSLY not ready to re-date!
sigh.
good thing for friends or id be lonely as hell.
therapy, therapy, therapy...
ps. cedc....stay away from that p0rn...no good will come of that for your future relationships! youve been through too much and i want your next real relationship to be awesome! 
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (06/26/08 02:12 PM)
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Solorider
Platinum
Reged: 02/23/07
Posts: 707
Loc: At the bottom of the bucket.
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I'm having a ton of absolutely fantastic sex with one woman. I like her a lot...do I love her? I dunno...We are seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We talk, we laugh, we have sex, we talk, we have sex....life is something else. A couple weeks ago I was so down in the dumps but everytime I see her I come out of it. We talk about our relationship and are just going to let things go as they go. No pressure...just lots of sex! I never thought I'd feel this way again.
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2760
Loc: Wisconsin
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"I think this woman I slept with might have given me herpes."
Is THIS the woman you're having all kinds of fantastic sex with?
We've all been waiting for an answer.
*foot tapping*
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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OMG that would put a stop to it all 4 me
Might even put the thing in a vise and sqeeeezzzz the shit out of so it wont work LOL
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cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 556
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Yeah,I want my next relationship to be awesome too. But have you ever seen it on a big flat screen TV?? Jebus H! Talk about reach out and touch someone!
The woman with the slobbery dog wasn't home and my kids were at the X's. Your never alone when ya gots the p0rn.
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My X makes Peg Bundy look good.
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Solorider
Platinum
Reged: 02/23/07
Posts: 707
Loc: At the bottom of the bucket.
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Quote:
"I think this woman I slept with might have given me herpes."
Is THIS the woman you're having all kinds of fantastic sex with?
We've all been waiting for an answer.
*foot tapping*
Nope. And we are using protection. I saw the doc a second time and all he could say is I "could" be a carrier just like anyone could and unless I have an outbreak he couldn't say I do or I don't. 1 in 3 people are at least a carrier and in another 10 years it'll be 1 in 2.
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cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 556
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zziiiip....*scritchscratch* What....the...f WARTS!!!!!!
Gaaaaaaa!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Happened to a Buddy of mine not to long ago. Getting rid of them was a real slice of Heaven too. STD's scare the crap out of me.
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My X makes Peg Bundy look good.
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 687
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Hay if that P shit works for U have at it.
Go beat your meat LOL
Me no thanks I want the real stuff or nothing at all.
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2760
Loc: Wisconsin
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Quote:
1 in 3 people are at least a carrier and in another 10 years it'll be 1 in 2.
Whooooaaaaa mama......
Whoooooooooooooooooaaaaaa mama.......
Whooooaaaaa mama......
Hey, turn the page for me, will ya Solorider?
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1593
Loc: Western New York
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MH - how very romantic and olde-fashioney of you. I'm liking you better all the time.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 556
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The real stuff I was with was bangin at least two dudes besides me. Needless to say I have backed away from the dating and regrouped. Re evaluating this whole dating thingy.
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My X makes Peg Bundy look good.
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Beat-Down
Platinum
Reged: 08/20/07
Posts: 223
Loc: Texas
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After my divorce I wasn't sure what I wanted. I didn't even think about sex. Welp after that WEEK I had changed my mind. OK heck I was getting frisky. So I went clubbing and picked someone up. You are right sex without love is different. It was different the first time, the second time not so awkward, the third time it was better, and the fourth time was really great. I asked her if I could see her again some time. (HE HEE)
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Don't stop until it sounds expensive!
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 716
Loc: LA, CA
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I know I'm not ready to fall in love but I would love a good roll in the hay. I have gone years without it now and I'm getting pretty fed up. I know a lot of people say they wait until their divorces are final well you people are stronger than me. Would really like the FWB thing right about now. I know being in love would make it better but geez I don't think I can wait another year or so.
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My subconscious is smarter.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Kat and I may NEVER get divorced.
where will that leave US?
although, kat may be getting closer....
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taryn.
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 716
Loc: LA, CA
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T it always falls apart before something can happen it's driving me nuts!!!! I never thought getting laid would be so difficult! Darn those morals, standards and circumstances!!!
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My subconscious is smarter.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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I can't remember the difference. The past twelve years was anything but love making.
I use to laugh my fat butt off when he would say things "I'll make it up to you later tonight." I use to think he was bringing a friend over. he! he! he! Because I knew darn well he wasn't doing nothing but causing me to take two showers in one night. LOL
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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Heidi
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 1722
Loc: Not where I want to be.
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Personally, I prefer NSA sex. Though, I cannot have sex with somebody that I don't have chemistry with. Since my Seperation, I've had sex with 4 guys, one I met off Craigslist, another is an FWB I met 4 years ago, another is a friend from another site and the 4th is my neighbour. I prefer no strings, no emotions. At this point, I simply do not trusts myself. I do not want my heart broken so I am having fun.
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Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
James Dean
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3457
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I think sex is highly over-rated. But then, my ex is the only man I have had sex with to date and, well, it really wasn't all that good. It was somewhat better in the beginning. Towards the end, though, I avoided it. Got tired of telling him what I liked and him not hearing me.
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lairdude
Platinum
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