desperate mommy
Bronze
Reged: 04/08/08
Posts: 25
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My stbx and I are going to go through a brief custody assessment evaluation. Has anyone had to go through this before? What should I expect?
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eiram
Gold
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 102
Loc: Indiana
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i haven't heard that term before. before i moved out of state, my X tried to fight for custody. we had to go thru a domestic counseling. we both had to write auto-bios of ourselves, the counselor spoke to both of us, our fiances, and the children. ultimately it was up to the counselor to decide who the children could live with. needless to say my children and i moved to florida 3 weeks later.
that's the only thing i can think of. i hope this helps and good luck!
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to my ex - what goes around, comes around. you'll get yours...
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Determined_Dad
Silver
Reged: 02/02/07
Posts: 92
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Eiram - so basically you took the kids as far away from the father as possible? Did you put their pets to sleep and burn their stuffed toys too?
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eiram
Gold
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 102
Loc: Indiana
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[quote]Eiram - so basically you took the kids as far away from the father as possible? Did you put their pets to sleep and burn their stuffed toys too? [/quote]
let's just say, me moving the children away from him was the best thing possible. he was an abuser not only to me but to my oldest also. is it ok for a grown man to beat his 3 year old child's butt because some milk spilled out of his cup? is it ok that i had to get my arm x-rayed because i couldn't move it after he hit me? so YES, me moving the children as far away as i could was in the best interest of the children and myself. he has threaten to kill me and "bury me where no one will ever find me".
don't jump on someone unless you know the whole story.
BTW - i couldn't burn their toys cause their father destroyed them in a fit of rage.
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to my ex - what goes around, comes around. you'll get yours...
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2248
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What state do you live in ?
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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desperate mommy
Bronze
Reged: 04/08/08
Posts: 25
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pennsylvania...
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hiddentreasure
Bronze
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 29
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Eiram - Im sorry you went through so much. I know it sounds funny considering your situation, but you are very lucky. Alot of times no matter how detrimental a parent is, the courts still enforce that parent seeing the child because they want to keep families "together". Yes there are people that do change but I think they should have to change before any contact is allowed. If they dont make the effort then their relationship with the child is not really that important to them. Alot of times these abusers dont really want to see the kids but get off on the fact that they have that power to instill fear.
Edited by hiddentreasure (06/26/08 02:03 PM)
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3255
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Eiram - Im sorry you went through so much. I know it sounds funny considering your situation, but you are very lucky. Alot of times no matter how detrimental a parent is, the courts still enforce that parent seeing the child because they want to keep families "together". Yes there are people that do change but I think they should have to change before any contact is allowed. If they dont make the effort then their relationship with the child is not really that important to them. Alot of times these abusers dont really want to see the kids but get off on the fact that they have that power to instill fear. [/quote]
What people forget in all of this is that the abuser still gets to have visitation with the kids...often unmonitored and for longer lengths of time in one period. But here's a question...which is better? Getting abused every other weekend and one day a week or getting abused for a few weeks one time per year? I can't say I'd choose either, but that's my dilemma...and I'm happy that I was able to stay moved away from an abusive ex. Now my goal is to minimize the abuse (if not diminish it all together) during the times he does have them.
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