emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 263
Loc: Illinois
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Okay a little refresher for the oldies here and to let the newbies know some of what has happened to get me here.
My ex and I got married in 2000. He cheated on me once and I forgave him. He cheated again and I couldn't forgive him a second time. We seperated in November 2007 and our divorce was final on June 3rd.
Okay... so now he isn't with anyone and neither am I. He says he knows he f'd up and has been wanting me back since the end of January.
Well we have remained friends and get along fine. This past Tuesday I went to his apt to pick up our son. My ex had his other son from his other ex wife there so I decided to make him his favorite meal (tator tot casserole) before my son and I left. My son fell asleep on the floor, my ex-stepson fell asleep on the love seat and my ex fell asleep in the chair. I got done fixing the dinner and put it in the oven. There was no where to sit so I went to my ex's bedroom and layed on his bed. He woke up and came in there and started rubbing my back. It felt so good to have the gentle touch of a man again... well one thing led to another and well I guess you can figure out what happened next.
I feel so ashamed, I feel so bad that I let this happen. I just keep thinking how and why did I let that happen. It just makes me so upset with myself.
Okay... thanks for listening, I had to get that off my chest.
Am I a horrible person though??
Michelle
Edited by emsgirl (06/26/08 10:10 PM)
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 732
Loc: LA, CA
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I think it was just a moment of weakness, but try not to let it happen again.
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My subconscious is smarter.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Yup your a horrible person, shame on you for being human and falling victim to a moment of weakness. Just be aware of what he will be thinking next time you are tired and lay down in his bed and unless it is something you want to happen remove yourself from the situation.
We still luvs ya M
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3058
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it happened because you are human and have feelings and needs...just like the rest of us. Don't beat yourself up over this..it was an oopsie! You didn't cheat on anyone, didn't mess up anyone's life...you're still a great mom and person. Let it go!
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emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 263
Loc: Illinois
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oh thank you all for understanding. It was a moment of weakness. I am the type of girl who LOVES sex and having not had any kind of male contact since October I was going nuts... then to feel the touch of a man, well I just melted. Having the real thing is a lot different then well...
I am not going to let it happen again though.
thanks agin for understanding. I was actually scared to post this here cause I was afraid of getting bashed. But, like always ya all are the BEST!
Michelle
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Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them!
www.myspace.com/emsgirl538
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 461
Loc: New Hampshire
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Good for you for taking a sane approach to this.
Don't lie down on his bed again. (duh!) :) He may expect a repeat performance, though.
Would it help to find a male friend whom you can trust and get hugs from him?
I hugged an old friend for a few minutes last night and the smile still hasn't left my face. Just a hug!
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So much to forget...
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1394
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Well not like you had sex with some total stranger. Just not the wisest choice...but yes, I do understand that when it has been awhile, and well...stuff happens.
Lesson learned here is, don't lay on the ex's bed, and if he decides you look like you need a massage, just tell him "Thanks, but no thanks."
What is done is done. Just stay on guard and avoid a repeat.
May be time to look to cultivate finding a nice guy you can date and spend time with. I agree the real thing is so much better than any substitutes out there.
This is nothing to beat yourself up about and hopefully it took the "edge" off for you.
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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I don't think you're a "horrible" person for letting it happen. But with him expressing a desire to reconcile, I wonder how he's going to interpret that?
I hope, for your sake, that HE sees it as a moment of weakness and not a door that you've left open. I might do a little damage control and let it be known quite clearly that you're not going there again.... EVER. And I'd probably deliver the message by handing him the recipe for tater tot casserole.
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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....standing on his doorstep, where you refuse to enter. ;)
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1332
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I can't say I'll ever be in your situation. I hated sex with my stbx for the last 3 years, so I can't imagine even touching him again. It creeps me out. At least you have a decent, friendly relationship with your x. That's a bonus. You should definitely clear the air quickly on what happened if it's not something you want to happen again.
You're human. Don't beat yourself up over this!
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brokenup
Silver
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 50
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Just thought I would add my 2 cents. I did the same exact thing about a month ago and posted it on here and felt like I had totally screwed up. Even if I hadn't done the same thing, I would still think that what happened between the 2 of you wasn't at all horrible, but the fact that I did the same thing not too long ago, I totally understand where you are coming from! I really do! Like everyone else said, you are human, and you have wants and needs, and it's only natural that it happened with someone with whom you used to do it with.
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Andrea
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1468
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I think you only screwed up if it causes you to have feelings for him again. Too many people can't separate the difference between having s3x and making love.
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Insert witty comment here. 
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2764
Loc: Wisconsin
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None of us here is qualified to "judge" you for what you've done. There is no "punishment" I know of to fit your "crime". Feeling the need for the touch of another is the essence of humanity.
Forgive yourself and move on.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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Don't beat yourself up over this. It happened, just make sure not to put yourself in a position where you are vulnerable like that again.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1494
Loc: Texas
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Wow. He cheated on you - not once, but twice - and then you had sex with him again?
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emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 263
Loc: Illinois
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I am trying not to beat myself up to bad about this, but still feel horrible.
Stolz, I say he cheated twice, and in my eyes I consider it cheating even if sex isn't involved. The two times I caught him "cheating" I know he didn't have sex cause one was on the internet... and little did he know that when he went to meet the girl, well it was me!! (If you want to know the whole story got back and read this post http://www.divorcesupport.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=After&Number=156281&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
The second time I caught him I know nothing happened cause it was someone in the EMS field and her and I have become friends now and she told me everything.
However I do know that he had a relationship with someone after we seperated. He swears he used a condom with her at all times. I still made him wear one on Tuesday night though.
Trust me the thougth of someone else having been with him since him and I were last together does scare me.
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Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them!
www.myspace.com/emsgirl538
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 732
Loc: LA, CA
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I'm with you, the thought of my stbx touching me creeps me out big time. He was so mean and strange the last part of our marriage was completely sexless.
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My subconscious is smarter.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1494
Loc: Texas
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My bad. I thought cheating was ... well ... cheating. Good to hear you made him wear a condom. My first ex wanted to have sex a few months after our divorce, but I declined. Of course, wanting me to travel 1400 miles and four states away on my dime was a big reason I didn't, but knowing she had cheated on me (and caught an STD in the process) totally turned me off, too.
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 461
Loc: New Hampshire
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Hi EMS,
>I am trying not to beat myself up to bad about this, but still feel horrible.
What would you do/say if some close friend of yours did the same thing? You'd probably say: That was dumb. Just don't do it again and let it go.
Maybe not. What WOULD you say?
We all can tell that you won't make that mistake again. After that, you needn't take yourself so seriously.
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So much to forget...
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emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 263
Loc: Illinois
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Yeah well if I too knew that he had caught a STD there is no way in h ell I would have slept with him.
Yes Tom I would be telling my friend the same thing everyone here is telling me.
Thanks again for everyones support.
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Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them!
www.myspace.com/emsgirl538
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1128
Loc: Hell, USA
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I'm with everyone else-you are human. I think alot of people have sex with their ex at least once, if not more than once.
I wouldn't do it again. I think you know how you feel about him.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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