Lacy1
Gold
Reged: 03/06/08
Posts: 143
Loc: Coastal Area
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Sometimes I just want to call my husband and say I was wrong. I don't care if you are a mean alcoholic!!
Please love me again and let me come home....... I will take the abuse I just don't care I am so tired of being alone.
I know it is insane but I feel that way sometimes (a lot of times).
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His loss not mine
Heavenbound and proud of it.
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SamsMom
New
Reged: 06/15/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Ohio
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I'm sorry you are having a bad day. Do you have family you can surround yourself with? I know when I feel lonely that sometimes seems to help. As screwed up as I am, I can tell you that going back to him is NOT the answer.
Do you read much? There is a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" By Robin Norwood. Excellent book. It talks alot about co-dependency. And that is what you are if he is an alcoholic. I bet if you read it, it will astound you how much your situation is like some of the stories of other women. It is a must read.
Have you tried any counseling or support groups? A good friend to talk to? The loneliness will pass. I think we all feel that to some extent or we wouldn't be on this forum. So you aren't alone. We're here with you. Hang in there. And don't go back.
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emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Illinois
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I know how you feel... My ex wasn't an alcholic or abusive, but was a cheater. There are many times I have thought about just taking him back so I don't have to be alone anymore.
But, we deserve better!!!
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Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them!
www.myspace.com/emsgirl538
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boobaby
Platinum
Reged: 05/01/07
Posts: 296
Loc: mass
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I think we all find ourselves lonley at some point in our divorce and want the other spouse back just to have that secure feeling again. I get lonely from time to time, but I'm getting use to it. Remember there is someone else out there for you to chase that lonliness away. Give it time.
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 297
Loc: New Hampshire
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Good advice so far. The book mentioned by Samsmom comes recommended.
And I know how you feel. "I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one single yesterday!"
I remember thinking for months/years that I'd be better off without this woman. But, when she said she wanted to end it, then if felt like I was going to die on the spot. It was unbearable! When things got better I'd beat myself up thinking - why didn't I get out of this when I had the chance?
Lonliness - or Why won't that phone ring?
As a widowed friend of mine says: Lonliness is all it's cracked up to be.
She helped me last November when my s2bx went away for a month. I was ALL alone and the walls were not kind. It wasn't so much, "what am I going to do today," but "what am I going to do for the next 30 seconds."
I realized that the phone works both ways and that there are people out there that would LOVE to get a call from me. Many of them are lonely, too. Yes, it's awkward and uncomfortable at first, but reach out. It's a brave first step.
Here's a hug from me {{{Hug}}} See if you can get a real hug from someone.
Tom
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So much to forget...
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brokenup
Silver
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 50
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I hear you on feeling lonely. My stbx cheated on me for years, without me knowing of course, and even though I was and still am so furious with him for breaking our family up, I sometimes find myself thinking things would be better if we were back together, so I had someone around. But I know it's not going to help me to do that, not at all. I don't deserve a man like that. But hang in there. We all have our down times with this, and it seems unbearable at times. But the suggestions of reading or being with family and friends are good. Sometimes I just go for a walk to get my mind off of it.
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Andrea
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beblebrox
Platinum
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 323
Loc: Western Pennsylvania
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I know how you feel. There are a lot of times even after all my wife did to me, that I'd lie, cheat, steal, commit murder (not really) even to just have one more day with her. I don't know if there is a way to make those feelings go away. They say it takes time. God knows it's been 2 months for me now and they haven't diminished one iota.
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Lacy1
Gold
Reged: 03/06/08
Posts: 143
Loc: Coastal Area
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I have read the book MEN WHO HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM.
The first three pages I was crying. It was it was written watching mine and my husbands life.
I have never loved anyone the way that I did/do him and I am so afraid of never feeling that again.
It was a "sick" relationship and I know that but knowing that doesn't make the loneliness any easier.
He is constantly trying to get me to sleep with him and the last time he approached me I told him that the biggest reason that I refuse is that it will just break my heart all over again and his exact words were "Well I can't help that".
He really doesn't care anything about me, just what is in my pants!
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His loss not mine
Heavenbound and proud of it.
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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It's 5 months for me and I still have those days. I do notice that they are much worse after I've seen him. He is so sweet when we see each other that it is easy to forget all the years of basically being invisible. I just have to keep reminding myself that I truly am better off without feeling diminished on a daily basis by someone I thought loved me. When I get really lonely, I call a friend, come to this website, watch a movie or lose myself in as escapist book. Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to be pulled back into a situation that was not fulfilling or not healthy for you. Live in the present, not in the past and it will get better.
Patty
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redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 118
Loc: Boston
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Lacy, I hear ya. I'm in exactly the same boat (substitute cocaine as the primary substance). After years in such a sick relationship, your mind is warped (or so everyone keeps telling me :)) I go from wanting to call and scream at him, to wanting to call and beg him to come home. It's really insane. If you're able to do the no contact thing, I hear that helps.
Only been a couple of weeks for me, so I'm probably not the one to give inspiration - but I certainly found Al Anon to work in addition to this support group.
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