SamsMom
New
Reged: 06/15/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Ohio
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Hi. It's been an eventful week so far. I talked to an old friend from high school on IM the other day that I actually saw back in May. He told me how good I looked the last time I saw him. For some reason, that made me feel so good. None of my problems bothered me anymore. I was ok with my husband and the idea of his girlfriend, our upcoming divorce, all of it. All it took was a compliment. The only thing I can say after thinking about it is I didn't seem like such a failure to myself anymore. Like I still had something to offer the world. All of that from one little compliment.
Then I talked to the former best friend Tuesday night. I laid into her for about 15 min. and then took the high road and told her I still loved her. I know. Alot of you are yelling at the computer saying I'm nuts. And maybe I am. But I can't hold a grudge. I can't live with unforgiveness in my life. That just brings me down.
So my STBX is still living here and I've slept with him at least 3 times in the last week. We didn't do that before we decided to split. But of course he is now telling me we should probably quit because it isn't fair to the girlfriend. This made me a little angry today but then again, why should I let him have me anyway. I really have to adopt the no touching rule. But he will still hug me and be my "friend" and it just feels good to be hugged sometimes.
So finally, today he told me that my former BF finally started telling her kids about him today. Keep in mind they are in their 30s. So for the last 4 days or so I have been in a really good mood. Then I hear this and it just makes it all real. If she is telling them then she must feel secure enough to move forward with the relationship. (she wasn't sure because of my son) He is going to spend next weekend with her. I can't sit here and mope so I am going to visit my mother and take my son to Idelwild Park in PA. Anything to get my mind off of it all.
Oh, and to top it off, I have to do a home PG test in the AM. I'm late and nauseas. Could be the stress of everything. But of course he is afraid I will be and then his new life will be ruined. Of course I told him I really didn't care. It wasn't changing anything between us.
I don't want to be 2nd best. Not to any man. I know that was a lot of info in a few short paragraphs. But I've stayed away the last few days. I guess I should update more often. Thanks for listening.
I would say this will all be final in as little as 4-6 mo. says the attorney. I think things would be easier for me if it was done now. And him not here. But my son (5) has no clue yet. Still playing house for him.
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 563
Loc: LA, CA
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[quote]So my STBX is still living here and I've slept with him at least 3 times in the last week. We didn't do that before we decided to split. But of course he is now telling me we should probably quit because it isn't fair to the girlfriend. This made me a little angry today but then again, why should I let him have me anyway. I really have to adopt the no touching rule. But he will still hug me and be my "friend" and it just feels good to be hugged sometimes.
[/quote]
Ok I don't even know where to start. I think you might be in denial. Samsmom, he needs to move out and you need to stop sleeping with him.
[quote]But of course he is now telling me we should probably quit because it isn't fair to the girlfriend. [/quote]
Girl, I am outraged for you. I think you have too much going on at once. All I can say is that I'm sorry you have to go through this. You deserve better.
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Built to spec.
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divinediscontent
Platinum
Reged: 03/24/07
Posts: 346
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Something isn't right here, Samsmom. You've forgiven your former best friend that your husband is having an affair with. Your sleeping with said husband, who apparently has no immediate plans to leave the marital home. (I mean, why should he, really? Sounds like he can 'have it all). Now there is a chance you may be preggers??
My advice is going to sound blunt, but get some counseling scheduled immediately. This husband of yours should be escorted off you property (by the Deputy Sheriff, if necessary) and you should have no contact with the other woman (She is the other woman, you know, she's not your best friend. She's a poser).
You are going to need to get yourself back on the right path. Please, your son is going to need you to be one strong, righteous woman.
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'If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.' -Tallujah Bankhead
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vbalt
Silver
Reged: 03/14/08
Posts: 72
Loc: CA
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Samsmom, I think you should pretend this week didn't happen and start a new one.
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Bloom where you are planted
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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This is just all crazy...are you listening to yourself?
Why on earth would you want to bring another child into this mess?
Why would you continue to talk to either of these people who have no real concern for your feelings?
I don't know if your in denial or are just so used to being treated like $hit that you don't realize how much better you deserve, regardless you need to do some real soul-searching and you need professional help. Go talk to a counselor about your feelings, I have an inkling that your shoving your feelings wayyyyy down so that you can pretend all of this isn't happening.
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Dadofthree
New
Reged: 06/07/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Nor Cal
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Woooo, we men see sex as an "everything is great" message. Does not sound like that is the case. I wish I could have sex with my stbx once a month (hell once) let alone three times in a week.
My stbx sent that message for years but should have been telling me no if I had been a jerk that day... perhaps our communication would have improved. I like most men am pretty dense sometimes, yes I'm learning ladies.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer... there is a lot of truth to that... my stbx had an affair... I spoke with him and his wife but failed to keep close tabs on them... they started back up two more times before the end ( his wife will put him in a pine box before she allows him one minute with my stbx) and he seems done with it too... haha. In short she's NOT your friend. You can forgive someone but that does not mean you need to reconcile to that person.
Hope you're not Preg but if you are... little ones are a gift from God.
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Books29
Platinum
Reged: 02/20/08
Posts: 314
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Eventful week?! I would say that your week is a week from hell itself! Please remove yourself from this situation and kick your husband to the curb. I know it'll be hard but he and your former BF do not deserve another moment of your time. And, seeking help for yourself right now will be essential for you to get you strong so that you can get through this and be a good, strong parent to your son. YOU deserve so much better.
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SamsMom
New
Reged: 06/15/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Ohio
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On the upside, the test this AM was negative. So I will chalk it all up to stress.
Listening to all of you made me think a lot this AM too. Maybe I am trying to hold on to something that just isn't there. I've wanted rid of him for a couple of years now. Just a lot of different reasons but we just don't mesh. So why can't I embrace the opportunity I have to get rid of him? Instead I am holding on and letting him get away with it all.
I feel like if I just keep telling myself and everyone around me that I am ok and all is well that it will be. And that worked great for a few days. But it just hit me today that I'm really not ok.
I obviously can't talk to my BF about my problem because she is part of it. So there really isn't anyone to talk to that understands my problem. Heck. I don't even understand it all. But thanks to all of you for the great advice and the kick in the butt.
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hell, USA
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Thank God you weren't pregnant. That would be more than you need right now to handle. You need to take that step towards separating yourself from your STBX and anyone who is not supportive of you-I guess that includes your so-called BF.
Good luck. Post here often to get advice and support.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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