dexmeister
Gold
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Minnesota
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My wife and I have been married for seven years, dating for one. I am deeply in love with her and she tells me that she still loves me, but for some reason she wants to divorce. She tells me that she doesn't feel comfortable with me and that she can't live with me anymore. I am so lost right now. She says she has been feeling like this for a long time, but she only told me of it a few days ago. She has been looking for an apartment and she recently secured money for her own rent. She seems pretty serious about this, but I just can't imagine it happening. The pain of not knowing weather or not she will leave is overwhelming me.
Another thing about us is that we moved 500 miles away from all of our friends and family so she could pursue her dream of earning her PhD. I feel like I gave up so much to support her and now she is ready to leave. Is there anything I can do to stop her. I want her to stay, and so far she has, but she doesn't say she wants to stay.
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jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 172
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She is staying, so there must be a reason for that? It sounds like she is confused, any chance on going to counseling?
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dexmeister
Gold
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Minnesota
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She does say she is confused. I want to take her out this weekend to a hotel in the big city (we live in a small town about a hour away) and buy her dinner and try to rekindle things, but counseling is a no for her. When I bring it up she says she thinks it's too late for that.
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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I'm sorry you are going through this. May be she should have mentioned this before you packed up and moved 500 miles. Did she feel this way before the move? Sounds like you have been side blinded and usually there is a deeper reason as to why and what she's telling you right now. When you take her out at the weekend be sure to remind her just what you gave up in order to support her and the very least she can do is be totally honest with you. If she is refusing to go to counseling with you then it may be time for you to take a stand and think about your own wants and needs. Good luck.
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'I fight on, I fight to win' ~ The Iron Lady
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dexmeister
Gold
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Minnesota
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We moved three years ago and she tells me that's when the problems started. I can actually understand that, because I became depressed with the move and when I bounced back I held onto some bitterness. I tried to keep it under control and for the most part I did, but things would come up. I haven't brought it up now and I have been over it for at least two years, but that first year was tough on both of us. BTW - we don't have kids.
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dexmeister
Gold
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Minnesota
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Oh my goodness, this has been such a roller coaster ride. Earlier today I thought it was all over. I think she did too. NOw tonight we had such a good time. We talked, I was understanding and I listened rather than criticize, and things seemed to go so well. I know it sounds stupid, even as I write this, but I didn't realize how critical I was of her. She was smiling with me and laughing a lot. i hope things are starting to turn around. Now I just need to keep this up. Any advise is greatly needed.
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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“I listened rather than criticize, and things seemed to go so well.”
Keep that going, and talk about your problems without placing blame. Hopefully you guys will get to a point where some marriage counseling will put your relationship back on track. She may not be keen on that idea right now, but if she sees that you are making an attempt to make things better, and she wants to remain married then she’ll probably come around. Good Luck!
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dexmeister
Gold
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Minnesota
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Thank you all for your support. I had planned a romantic dinner for us for this evening and she didn't want to go. She made me cancel our plans and I lost it. I could bear it anymore. We agreed to call it quits. Well I guess it's for the better. Maybe I can find a positive in this situation. I can't believe this has happened. Right now everything in life feels like a lie. I hope I can recover without too many difficulties.
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