Tammy1968
New
Reged: 06/28/08
Posts: 3
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We have been married for 19 years and after I had suspicion that he was cheating I kicked my husband out of the house. After a few days I decided that I couldn't just give up without trying every option possible (I love him). I asked if we could seek counseling but he said no. He said he loves me but doesn't want to be treated like "a puppet" being forced out of his house. I've also told him I would "give in" on a few things that I wouldn't budge on in years even though I know it bothered him(problems with his family). He still said NO. Putting all this together I feel that by me kicking him out was just his "open door" to leave. Now he doesn't have to say he left me. We have two children, ages 18(will be starting college in the fall) & 16. My question is this...Can the judge order us into counseling since we have so many years invested and since he has admitted to still loving me? I don't know for sure if it would help or not but I can't bring myself to give up without knowing I did everything I could to make it work. We live in Indiana. Any help would be great. Thanks!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3345
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Even if you do get a judge to order the both of you into counseling, it isn't going to do any good unless both parties actually talk and try to work things out. In other words, your stbx can be forced to go. But he can't be forced to talk. He could just sit there and say absolutely nothing the entire time. And the end result will be the same, a divorce.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2190
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Information Maintained by the Office of Code Revision Indiana Legislative Services Agency
06/29/2008 10:03:13 AM EDT
IC 31-15-4
Chapter 4. Provisional Orders in Dissolution and Legal Separation Actions
IC 31-15-4-1
Motions
Sec. 1. (a) In an action for dissolution of marriage under IC 31-15-2 or legal separation under IC 31-15-3, either party may file a motion for any of the following:
(1) Temporary maintenance.
(2) Temporary support or custody of a child of the marriage entitled to support.
(3) Possession of property.
(4) Counseling.
(5) A protective order under IC 34-26-5.
IC 31-15-4-9
Counseling
Sec. 9. The court may require the parties to seek counseling for
themselves or for a child of the parties under such terms and conditions that the court considers appropriate if:
(1) either party makes a motion for counseling in an effort to improve conditions of their marriage;
(2) a party, the child of the parties, the child's guardian ad litem or court appointed special advocate, or the court makes a motion for counseling for the child; or
(3) the court makes a motion for counseling for parties who are the parents of a child less than eighteen (18) years of age.
As added by P.L.1-1997, SEC.7.
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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BritGirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 4
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I live in Oklahoma, and I would like to know the same thing, can I ask the judge to order my husband to go for councelling, I still love him, he has filed for divorce, and admitted on the papers he committed adultery, why he would do this is another question I would like to ask?
I still love him and want him back, he has also put in the divorce papers that he will pay me support of $800 per month for 18 months, does this sound fair, I come over from England, been thru the immigration process, and he signed the paperwork supporting me for 10 years the I-864. I'm not good with the laws over here, so any advice would be grateful.
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Tammy1968
New
Reged: 06/28/08
Posts: 3
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Thanks for the input. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I have never felt as lost as I do at this time. I'm trying to be strong around my children but it's at night that things get real tough for me. Something about a dark bedroom that make the tears start to flow. Is it normal to want to see him, talk to him and heck I'd even take an argument, even though he is treating our family in this way? I feel almost embarrassed for actually admitting to that. Anyway, thanks again for the input.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3345
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What you are feeling is normal. Especially in the early stages of divorce.
Come on over to the Life After Divorce forum, there are people there in the different stages of divorce and most are very supportive.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 677
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[quote]Thanks for the input. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I have never felt as lost as I do at this time. I'm trying to be strong around my children but it's at night that things get real tough for me. Something about a dark bedroom that make the tears start to flow. Is it normal to want to see him, talk to him and heck I'd even take an argument, even though he is treating our family in this way? I feel almost embarrassed for actually admitting to that. Anyway, thanks again for the input. [/quote]
Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal. My wife left me Aug of 07 divorce final last month, I still feel all those things you stated. I'm not sure the feelings ever go away. I'm sorry for what you are going through and like someone else suggested visit the other forums, most everyone is supportive and caring. Sometimes it helps just knowing you are not alone in what you are dealing with.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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I gotta tell ya that by the time most couples get to counseling it's pretty much useless. You have to wonder if it's worth keeping something that takes so much effort anyway. Counseling can help early on if both parties want it, especially with communication issues. But ya gotta remember that the counselor doesn't solve anything, it's the two people that have to work to make things better, the counselor can only provide suggestions and a venue. So no matter how hard ONE tries, if the other is drilling holes in the boat it's gonna sink. As far as just sitting there and saying absolutely nothing, that is the best way to end counseling. Remember that if you or your kids are ever ordered to see a counselor you don't like.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2190
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I live in Oklahoma, and I would like to know the same thing, can I ask the judge to order my husband to go for councelling
>>>>>>>>>>> Not that I can find .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Tammy1968
New
Reged: 06/28/08
Posts: 3
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Well, today I made that dreaded call to an attorney. I have an appointment this Wednesday. I did ask the attorney about counseling and he pretty much said the same thing...it's useless unless it's wanted by both parties. So with that said, I went ahead and made the appointment. I was in tears on the phone so I can only imagine what Wednesday will be like for me. I keep praying for the strength to get through this entire ordeal. Thanks again everyone.
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