kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2962
Loc: a melted glacier
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I know ... I know.... and I won't.
For some reason the last few days, and especially today ... I am tempted to call her. She has sent emails (I did NOT reply).
It is strange. I have formed some circles of friends (none that are SUPER strong yet -- but more than I ever had in the past), but recently I have been missing the ex some.
I do not miss the mood swings, etc. ... all the bad stuff. I am missing holding her as I watch a movie. I am missing having something "bigger than me," in my life. Yes ... I am missing the myth, and I do know it is the myth that I miss (with a dose of reality mixed in)
I know that contacting her would be BAD. That it will open up all sorts of old wounds, and doors best left closed.
Yet ......
I do miss her pretty voice (and my ex. has a great voice). I miss having that situation where there is no words, just understanding .... even bad understanding. I can feel my codependent nature reaching out. I can also feel the memories of what once was ....... when it was filled with hopes and dreams.
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I do know what is bringing this all up. I have been doing a lot of deep emotional work with my counselor. Tuesday is the anniversary of driving her to the airport. Many of my other single friends have recently started dating. Summer is a tough time as a teacher. My structure is tossed into disarray. The social aspect of work is gone. Summer is lonely (and I do teach summer school, but it is different).
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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2962
Loc: a melted glacier
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so in a classic Kent-style of avoid the situation .... I called various folks. I am going to a beach on a lake with a friend and her kids. Get outside! Get with people I know.
Stall ... stall .... stall .... and perhaps this uncomfortable feeling will pass.
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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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I know a place in CA that sells life sized stuffed animals. Got one for my daughter last Christmas.
You could have that "understanding" thing without words.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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susanna32
Silver
Reged: 05/10/07
Posts: 58
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Actually, I just want to call and find out if the jerk is getting married yet!! LOL!! Just so i know he's taking my name off the mortgage! I can't qualify for anything right now, refinancing, other loans etc... IT SUCKS! There are things I want to take care of financially and I can't because of that. My name is on two mortgages! Mine-which I pay and on the house we had together. Fortunately, I was able to qualify for my mortgage under a program that was good for me. i don't miss him emotionally at all! He was never there for me. I hope you are doing well ...and hope you had fun at the beach! I am going to San Francisco this week for the 4th of july with my best friend!!! Can't wait!!
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2202
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Hey Kent,
Good that you're going out with friends. Try to ignore those feelings/myth. You'll have a 3 day emotional hangover. Who needs that.
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boobaby
Platinum
Reged: 05/01/07
Posts: 296
Loc: mass
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Hey Kent,
I know how you feel about the summers. I too am a first grade teacher and not having a schedule to stick to is very rough somedays. I find myself wandering around aimlessly somedays, others I don't find enough time to sit down. However, I think we all have those moments of weakness when we want to contact our ex's. And thats just what it is, a moment of weakness. It will pass, and you will be glad that you made the right decision to forego any emails or phone calls. Enjoy the beach.
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heartbrokenguy
Bronze
Reged: 05/01/08
Posts: 42
Loc: Ohio
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Wow...many of us seem to be teachers here.
I agree with the schedule thing. I am teaching summer school as well, but it is not the same. Just keep finding others to spend time with (and distract you a bit as well). Hang in there Kent!
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She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
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newlife123
Gold
Reged: 11/04/07
Posts: 188
Loc: phila suburb-PA
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It either says we are crazy or just sentimental that we would still love the one person who hurt us the worse but we do and that is the truth and the only thing that works for me is to keep up with the no contact. Yes, I crave the man but that's my heart while my head is trying to do a 180 on my neck and smack me in the face. I keep hoping my heart catches up with my head but I want him. Maybe it's the myth that I want, like you said Kent.
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1231
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Kent,
When is your trip you are all excited about going on? I would think that you would be planning, menally packing and unpacking your suitcase. You know, stuff one does before going on a trip of a lifetime.
Thank goodness you called friends, and are getting out of the house. I hope this feeling to call the ex passes and never returns to haunt you again.
So, when is your trip?
Hugs,
Nish
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phyzguy
Platinum
Reged: 05/15/08
Posts: 267
Loc: Cali
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Kent-
I'm another teacher. My STBX is one also. I am teaching summer school as well and I do go out with a lot of friends so I don't find myself dwelling on the situation. I don't know that it is healty to just sit an stew in the situation longer than you have to.
But yeah, I'm with you on wanting to call the stbx. Mine still lives with me, and that really makes it impossible for me to move on. But today, she's gone and won't be back 'til tomorrow. The story is the same as yours. I miss hearing her voice. Even if she was hurtful by constantly shutting out the world around her.
I kind of have been trying to follow your particular situation and I think you and I have a lot in common. PM me if you wish.
But I'm glad you are getting out with your friends. Doing that will put you back into the social scene and help you to feel not so depressed. I also find that hard workouts are emotional gold. Get involved with a fitness club of some sort. :) Well, keep in there.
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Peace comes from simply knowing you will find the answer
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