Divorce Support Forums: Is anyone here? Is there really life after divorce

It is so easy to get into the same old rut. Time to change how things are done, if what is happening isn't getting you what you need.

Plan a weekend away for just the two of you. Take a portable CD player along, and some fun and sexy items, that will be for his eyes only.

Set the mood, with personally selected music, soft lights, or candles (Yes, I actually have been known to bring some candles along, to insure just the right setting.)

Then turn on your seductive charms. However, you take the driver's seat, and if he starts rushing things, just softly kiss his lips and tell him, we have all night, so there is no rush. Bring along some scented body oil, and after slowly undressing him, invite him to lay on the bed, and then give him a nice body massage.

When done, invite him to undress you, and hand him the oil and ask him to return the favor to you. During this time, do touching, carrassing, kissing, all fine, but actual penetration, is to be saved and savored as the finale.

During the massage, softly tell him how much you love him and enjoy being with him. You say he isn't a talker, well if the man can stay quiet during this, I would be surprised.

When it is time for the "grand finale" direct him what you would like him to do. Sure you have been married for 22 years, but over time, one fails into bad habits of just doing it and forgetting, that it should be a slow, unhurried mutual enjoyment for both.

Invite him to tell you what turns him on and let him know what you enjoy. Remember, if anytime during this time, he tries to skip to the end, you gently redirect things.

When finished, snuggle next to him, and let him know, that one of the things you enjoy afterwards, is to be held, to cuddle and kiss.

When you go out to dinner, hold take his hand, if he doesn't reach for yours, or put your arm around his waist. Let him know how much you enjoy spending time with him, and enjoy talking with him.

Conserve water and shower together. I enjoy it when my husband and I do this, as he will wash my hair and back and then I wash his. Actually, can't say we conserve water, as it seems something always comes up, and it would be a shame not to enjoy it when it does. Sex in the shower is totally awesome, and the plus side is, you will be all freshly showered when done.

Take an insterest in the things that he enjoys doing. No, that doesn't mean you have to actually do them, unless it would be something you would enjoy doing. The important thing is to talk. He will be more comfortable talking about things of interest to him, however you should also talk about things of interest to you. If you are having a problem solving something, let him be your sounding board. He might surprise you with a great solution you didn't think about.

I don't get the sense that you don't love him or that he doesn't love you. I sense that the marriage and love making has gotten into a rut, that neither of you have been able to get it out of.

How you phrase what you need or want makes all the differnece in the world. Instead of telling him, "You don't do this or that as often or the way I like it," tell him "You know, when you touch me a certain way, it drives me wild." Well trust me, no man will be able to resist touching in that way, to get the wild reaction.

Remember how awesome it was when you first met? It can be that way again, but you both need to work on it, to bring back that wonderful loving feeling. The end results might just surprise you.

Both my husband and I are talkers and touchers. We enjoy each other's company and whenever we are together, we are snuggled, holding hands or just carressing the other one. My son from my former marriage doesn't cringe if walks into a room we are in and we are embracing or or kissing. We save the sensual and intimate things for the privacy of our bedroom, but at least he knows what a healthy and loving relationship looks like.

My wish for you is that you and your husband can rekindle what once brought the two of your together and find the loving feelings that got buried along life's journey.

Best of Luck,
Nish