Divorce Support Forums: Nervous all over again

See? Wasn't I right? Just a commitment to be polite for a few hours. Not a trip down teh aisle. Not something to get all in a twist about.

Do it several more times and sooner or later, ONE of the guys will suddenly stand out as worthy of more than just that first two hours.

It's weird, though... isn't it... when they start treating it like more than it really is? Getting all excited & stuff when you've just laid eyes on each other for the first time. Kind of makes you wonder if they've ever had a date before at all... if they've ever had COFFEE with a nice girl. But then, everyone gets into that "desparate" mode from time to time. it's just part of human nature... we just show it differently. Some cling, some flee, some over-talk... some over dress. But we all get nervous.

Do it over & over. Have lots of first dates. Sooner or later you'll meet someone worth more.

Think of it this way... back in high school or college or early in your career, it was easy to find a date. You were lumped together 8 hours a day (and more if you did after school/after work activities with them) with the same group of people who were all going through the same experience together. It might have been a campus with 5,000 people, or it might have been an incoming employee group of 5 people, but you were all mostly in the same boat. You had a natural group of friends to socialize with. A natural group of people to find dates from, or network that they'd introduce you to outsiders that you'd date. It was easy. You had the chance to meet MANY available people.

These days, with most of your recent friends having been married people, you've not got a natural pool of people to choose from. That's what match gets you.

But then you MUST take it a step further to get to JUST the point that school brought you to. You MUST meet face to face, as awkward as it feels, to figure out if you would give each otehr a second look across the crowded campus. You won't know that in an online dating situation until after that first coffee/soda date.

So that's what this is all about... going on lots of coffee/soda dates so that you can SEE these people face to face, just like you were already able to see them all face to face when they attended the freshman orientation with you... when they were in the lunchroom together and when they all tried out for the choir with you.

That's ALL it is. An introduction. You may like the guy, you may not, but all you're doing is smiling, shaking his hand and making some small talk for a little while, same as if a friend on campus were trying to fix you up with the great guy in her bio-chem class... go to the student union, grab a soda, spend a little time talking to him, and decide whether you like him or not, enough to spend more time with.

It's all as easy as that.