Unlike child support, spousal support is often very difficult (if not impossible) to modify after the divorce is final, so getting it right the first time is a must!
You'll get through this. Find some information about grieving, google Kubler-Ross and lots of stuff will pop up. I hear you in the shock/denial stage and maybe thinking of the barganing stage (offering to make changes in order to get him back, classing "bargaining") Dont' be surprised if you flip-flop a lot, but knowing that it's all normal is somehow comforting when we're in the middle of it.
And consider getting a counselor just on your own. You need to figure out why you were willing refuse to do stuff that someone you loved really apparently wanted. Why you weren't willing to "bargain" with that stuff until the marriage was clearly in danger (and, it appears, over).
If that stuff was not important enough to you, and worth it to him, then you should never have held back and you'll wnat to explore why you did this with a counselor so that you never do that again (it's manipulative do hold back on meaningless stuff like that, and most people don't take too nicely to being manipulated like that). If it is important to you, and a real struggle with him... then it's important for you to figure out (with a counselor) why you were willing to do something that you are so much against, just to keep a man who is cheating.
Having a counselor to help you through this might help you with a lawyer. If you have your emotional issues in the process of being resolved, you might find that you spend less time consulting with the lawyer (at $XXX per hour, it can add up to quite a lot). And most people can get a counselor much cheaper than a lawyer... like through thier health care plans or employee assistance plans.
[quote]Well, today I made that dreaded call to an attorney. I have an appointment this Wednesday. I did ask the attorney about counseling and he pretty much said the same thing...it's useless unless it's wanted by both parties. So with that said, I went ahead and made the appointment. I was in tears on the phone so I can only imagine what Wednesday will be like for me. I keep praying for the strength to get through this entire ordeal. Thanks again everyone. [/quote]
Hi Tammy, This is my first post, I just signed up.
Listen, I am going through the same thing as you. I asked mine to leave 8/07 when he was not in bed 2 nights in one week, and he was gone! He was living at his brothers for almost 4 months and finally admitted to having an affair for 2 years!! To a co-worker. We have been married 22 years. I took him back because he begged and cried so much. We went to counseling and it was awful. The first session just about did me in. He used it as a forum to gripe about how bossy I was and had too many pets, etc. Anyway he was back for 4 months and one day out of the blue he got up and said I would never get over him cheating and he was leaving. So back to his brothers he went. And back with the other woman. So this week I am making an appt with a lawyer to see what the best route is, divorce or not. I am done I do know that. But I am glad he was the one to leave in the end.
Yes I have gone thru all the crying. And I was missing him in the middle of the night but then I thought, sheesh, he snores like a bear, could not sleep with him most nights anyway. Now she can listen to that along with other bodily functions if you know what I mean. You just need to turn it around and know it does get easier, and you will see that in time it was the best thing to ever happen.
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