mawmawpammie
Silver
Reged: 03/19/08
Posts: 50
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My family has planned a small three day vacation to our favorite location,Gatlinburg.My son has the children that weekend and although there is no order of any kind because they havnt divorced yet,the mother has had control all along because she feels since she is the mother she has more rights than the father.The father hasnt had any vacation time in the three years they have been seperated and going thru divorce,she takes them to tennessee and florida when she pleases,and now the problem is she is trying to get his visits supervised and we informed her of the trip a month ahead of time she says she will have to think about it.Neither one has orders of any kind and they havnt went to court for anything yet.They both have lawyers but she doesnt tell hers everything I am guessing so he will tell her what she wants to hear.The trip has been paid for ,I am the sole caretaker when Mommy and Daddy are working and we really would like for the children to join us.What do we need to do??She has also took our sons weekend to have a party for one of the children and the childs birthday is the Friday of her weekened.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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Your son needs to get a clearly spelled out parenting plan that lists dates and times. Police will enforce those types of court orders as they are not vague.
Until that happens, this will be an issue. One that you can't solve. Only your son can. By going to court and getting an enforceable parenting plan.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2256
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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i feel bad for you.
you keep coming here for advice for your son's situation.
unfortunately,
really it comes down to him making active choices.
HE needs to step up to the plate and get things settled for
his own situation.
he is very fortunate to have such a caring Mom!
--------------------
taryn.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1571
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The only person we can advise is you. You need to stop allowing your son to control what you do. Go on your vacation. Leave the children up to him. He is their parent. It doesn't matter how much you have them - the court does not care.
Your son needs to start taking care of these things. Three years is a long time for your grandchildren to be held hostage to these two people.
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mawmawpammie
Silver
Reged: 03/19/08
Posts: 50
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The mother and my son do not communicate,I am the messanger,have been for these three years.I do not want to go on vacation without the kids.I simply wanted to know legally what can be done since I do not have a lawyer and there are no court papers yet.Can he take the kids out of state and not have her get him for kidnapping?They have joint right now since she originally agreed to that and they havnt went to court yet.My son isnt controlling me,my love for my grandchildren is...
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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You really need to stop "helping" your son. He really does need to learn to stand up for himself.
His kids will be better off for it.
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mawmawpammie
Silver
Reged: 03/19/08
Posts: 50
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I know that and I really wanted to stay out of the middle but I kept thinking that by helping out from time to time that I would somehow gain someones respect.Unfortunately the very reverse has happened.I have high blood pressure diabetes and have been told that I am on the verge of a stroke and do you think they try to make it easier,of course not.She wont talk to him about the children,she has sent her messages via ME and now she is telling him that she hasnt said this or that.She is invited to almost everything that this family does and do you think she would invite my hubby and me to anything other the childrens birthdays.NO...anyway I am a bit upset with her right now.I have ask her if the children could go on vacation for the weekend and she acts like I ask her for one of their lungs.Yes they have went with us plenty of times.We even took her and the children to gatlinburg in october,but she has to think about letting our son,their father take them with us going along as well.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5042
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Your situationj seems to be a result of you doing stuff to "help" that backfire. So stop. Find a way to stop. They are not your kids, they're your grandkids. Make your son stand up and resolve it. You go on your vacation and understand that this year might be the year you go without the grandkids. Find a way to make your peace with it. Your son MUST find a way to make HIS peace with it also, and having you worried about it and wanting things from him can only make HIS blood pressure go up as well.
Your position in the kids' lives is ONLY through your son's rights, and so you must rely upon him to do the right thing by them. If he is not doing that, nagging him will not make it happen. Doing it for him will not make it happen (this is one of those things that you, as a mother, can NOT do for him!)
You need to cut the cord, as hard as it might be, and let him do this one on his own.
I do recall your previous posts, how he went through a very difficult time, was he the one who was in an accident and in a coma for a while? I remember some serious trouble that you were helping him through, and you were proud that he'd improved.
So now he's improved. Time to cut the cord.
TRULY, you will not be able to do this for him... and your presence there (in the middle of the court issues) can only make it worse, make it harder for him to figure out what's the OBJECTIVELY right thing to do for the kid... etc.
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mawmawpammie
Silver
Reged: 03/19/08
Posts: 50
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The mother agreed to let the children go to gatlinburg with us,hopefully by the time the next vacation comes along the divorce will be over and we dont have to ask her anymore.Thank you all for your advice.I realize I have done way more than I needed to for my son but isnt that what a parent is supose to do.I know my mother wouldnt have done anything but she was a b@#% anyway.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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[quote]The mother agreed to let the children go to gatlinburg with us,hopefully by the time the next vacation comes along the divorce will be over and we dont have to ask her anymore.Thank you all for your advice.I realize I have done way more than I needed to for my son but isnt that what a parent is supose to do.I know my mother wouldnt have done anything but she was a b@#% anyway. [/quote]
A parent is supposed to encourage their children to fight their own battles. Why? Because children typically outlive their parents. And what happens then?
You can be supportive without fighting your son's battles for him.
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