malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1931
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Okay. You'll remember that my marriage experience includes being the breadwinner financially for years, then losing half of everything (actually more), and finally having to start all over again which I'm now doing.
So I'm having a complete collision between my belief that money isn't everything in a relationship and my belief that I need to protect the future for my kids and I. In other words, if he isn't financially secure in his own right, I'm not sure if it could go anywhere. It's not the kind of person I am to think that way. On the other hand, I keep reminding myself that if I hooked up with another guy who took half of everything, I wouldn't be able to get a house anymore. I couldn't go through that stress again.
But what if a guy ticks boxes in all other areas for instance? This is a bit theoretical for now, but it's on my mind. Would like to know what you and anyone else think. It's one of my big questions for myself (something I'm trying to work out about me) for going forwards.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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Who says you have to get married to have a relationship? There is always a prenup.
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1931
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I know. But I'm really soft about those kind of things. A real push over and a pre-nup seems counter to what a relationship or marriage is about. But I guess my bottom line is that I wouldn't risk a home for my children for a relationship which is why I've been thinking about this one.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2268
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Nice girls finish last. Protect your assests. It's happened once. I definitely would do one.
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1931
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Okay, I'm getting the message about assets.
What about dating a guy without 'equivalent assets'? Hell, it sounds so cold-blooded, but I've got to figure this out as I don't want it to happen again. I have quite a list. No alcohol issues. No verbal nasties. I think I'm going to be staying on my own for quite some time!
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 673
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Man speak jumping in with his two cents worth.
To me at this stage of the game of life if someone isn't financially responsibl they are a no go. Character tells everything about a person you need to know, looks fade, bodies droop, but character is a lifetime achievement.
Now as far as equivelant I found when I was involved with someone...lets say less in the money category...the relationship usually failed, they just live in different worlds than I do. A year ago I was still in the camp of "its love damn the torpedo (prenup) full speed ahead, now I'm not so sure I would be willing to marry someone with out a Nup, my kids future isn't worth the chance.
Example of what can happen: I joked in the past about my ex being from the wrong side of the tracks and now she has gone back, that actually isnt far from the truth. I was a little rich kid, my father was a senior executive at a very large company before he retired and started his own company. They never spoiled me growing up but I never did without things and was a country cub kiddie. My ex came from a broken home where the mom struggled to put food on the table. Where am I now.....she is rich and I am broke. Of course I will make more money and be fine and she will burn through what she has in a few months and be broke again and we both will return to our normal stations in life.
Sounds harsh and bitter and some of it probably is but it is also the truth.
Money isnt everything but it sure doesnt suck having some.
Edit:
Forgot to add. Mal I'd sign a prenup for you, don't forget I cook as well as have my own assets. (although the assets column isnt what it once was, I am debt free with the exception of my home)
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
Edited by numbnms (07/01/08 08:40 AM)
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 553
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Quote:
Man speak jumping in with his two cents worth.
To me at this stage of the game of life if someone isn't financially responsibl they are a no go. Character tells everything about a person you need to know, looks fade, bodies droop, but character is a lifetime achievement.
I agree with Numb on this...but want to make a distinction that I think others have alluded to but...
There is a difference between someone who is very responsible with their money, but just doesn't make very much of it AND someone who is financilly irresponsible, no matter how much money they make. I would be perfectly content with a man who was "slow and steady" in the money arena, as long as he was diligent. I am not materialistic and can be just as frugal as the next girl. But if he is lazy, or too proud to work at whatever it takes to earn a living...no way, Jose!
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Kimberley
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1931
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That's 'very good man speak' Numbs. I was hoping you'd add your one dollar! Your reply resonates a lot.
It's very sound thank-you.
I didn't grow up a little rich kid, but I didn't grow up a poor kid. Instead I grew up in a family where my father worked very hard in his own business to provide well for his family. My mother made it her job to bring us all up well. They both made a very good team and good role models. It's probably why I naturally became provider for my own family.
Looks like I'm getting 'no go signals' from everyone. Amazing what the experience of a divorce does for you!
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1931
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Quote:
There is a difference between someone who is very responsible with their money, but just doesn't make very much of it AND someone who is financilly irresponsible, no matter how much money they make. I would be perfectly content with a man who was "slow and steady" in the money arena, as long as he was diligent. I am not materialistic and can be just as frugal as the next girl. But if he is lazy, or too proud to work at whatever it takes to earn a living...no way, Jose!
I agree with what you say. But I'm guessing you also would have a pre-nup with the guy who doesn't earn a lot?
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 553
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Well, I don't have much to protect...only my house. But, yes, I guess I would need to protect that for my kids' sake. It is a good question, because I agree that a prenup goes against the attitude of commitment forever...
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Kimberley
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