Divorce Support Forums: DESPERATELY SEEKING HELP!

To Whom It May Concern:

My husband and I still live in the same house, but have been physically separated for about 8 years. He moved into the 3rd floor of our home instead of leaving altogether. He has stopped coming up with his half of our mortgage payment on a consistent basis. The last three years, I have had to work with the mortgage company to keep our home from going into foreclosure.

We have two children. One is 18 about to go to college this summer and the other is in 11th grade, age 16.

Can I get some sort of court order for him to make sure he pays his half of the mortgage until we can get a divorce? He pays the electric/heating bill, which is currently in his name, but no other household bills. Over the last few years, he’s been paying less and less monthly expenses for the kids. He’ll get big ticket items lately, like prom suite, driving lessons, but that is not a monthly expense. The only regular monthly expense he has been paying is for the hair care of both kids. He pays the dentist for my son’s braces periodically. He is also paying, an old tax bill from 2002 (I think) that was filed jointly.

I cover the water, cable, food (he hasn’t brought any food in about 8 years because he doesn’t eat a home any more), house phone and my half of the mortgage. When I was unemployed for about a year and then worked at a much lower pay rate, I had to beg my extended family to help buy me food for me and the kids. He would see an empty fridge and not buy them anything to eat. I supposed he didn’t want to buy food that he thought I would be eating too.

I can’t afford a lawyer right now, or I would be filling for divorce. I should have done this long ago, but he had been coming up with our agreed upon payments of the bills. I have been at this job since January 7, 2008 and currently earn $38,000 per year. Husband earns at least $66,000 per year plus he has a side business with his boyfriend cutting grass during the fall and spring.

SO WHERE IS HIS MONEY GOING IF HE ISN’T PAYING MORTGAGE OR REGULAR PAYMENTS ON ELECTRIC BILL?? He lives in the house but he needs to pay his share or get out, especially since he makes enough.

My house is now in jeopardy of going into foreclosure. I have contacted the mortgage company to make arrangements, but even if we get caught up again, he keeps doing this over and over. The electricity got cut off last summer because he never paid anything on the bill all winter. The electricity just got cut off again on June 11, 2008 and will be off for the foreseeable future.

This year he went ahead and filed taxes using both kids and the entire mortgage, leaving me nothing to claim. I paid half the mortgage all year and he just took all the deductions and filed separately.

On June 10, we will have been married for 20 years. He stopped sleeping in the same room as me back in 2000. He decided that he didn’t want to have anything else to do with me intimately. I seriously believe he is gay.

I do not earn enough to afford an expensive lawyer, nor do I have any savings. I’ve used every penny I own and I live paycheck to paycheck. My husband hasn’t given me one penny in at least 8-9 years. I am hoping that I will qualify for pro bono or at least discounted legal help. I need to get out of this marriage.

I also know that my husband, Sr.and his boyfriend are being sued for fraud by his “boyfriend’s” ex-wife. I am not privy to the details, but I don’t want to get caught up in something I know nothing about I know he’s been paying out at least $200 a month in lawyer fees. I only discovered this because I had to work with the mortgage company to get the mortgage caught up again.

I am just starting over. I got this current job in January and have hope for a good future in my work life and soon I hope my personal life. I guess I have just been afraid all these years do “rock the boat” but now my kids are almost grown, I need to make a move. IT IS THE SCARIEST THING I HAVE HAD TO FACE.

PLEASE HELP ME! I DON’T’ KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN!

I am also getting emotionally and verbally abused every time I ask him about paying the bills. I guess it is why I have been afraid to file for support because I think it will make me and my daughter live in misery until I can get him out.

As of 6/23/08, the electricity still off (FOR 15 DAYS), me and the kids and my dog WERE all staying at different family member’s homes. We finally all went back home on 6/27. I could go on, but you get the general idea.