jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 102
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My husband, daughter and I have decided to join our extended family on our annual camping trip. We have been going back and forth for a while trying to figure out if we can make it for 5 days without arguing in front of our family. Home is nothing but arguments over and over. We are hoping to use tomorrow as our stake in the ground for starting over. I'm not sure starting over can work, but we are going to try....again. He had his affair, and I've attacked him verbally from every angle imaginable. I've said terrible things (some warranted some just plain mean).
I don't want him to leave - and he says he knows he made a big mistake and wants to be with me - in our home. I hope someday we can get to the other side of this madness and make it work out.
Thanks for listening - and happy 4th of July everyone.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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I hope the trip goes really well for you! having family around will probably help. Just try not to talk about him and the problems you're going through with your relatives during the trip. If he overhears, it could get misconstrued, and start the arguing cycle all over again.
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jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 102
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Thanks! I have made my mind up not to talk about it at all! Not one word this weekend. I know that is the only way to get this behind us. I know what he did, I know all the gruesome little details because he has answered every question I have asked with brutal honesty. (I'm sure I don't know everything but I know enough!)
This situation has made me say and do things I never thought I was capable of - I can only hope that this weekend is the start of finding the old me / us again.
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jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 102
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This is rediculous - already things are crazy. My husband tries to be prejudice - mentions things about people of other color - my daughter dated a black friend for more than a year. She is angry, then he gets mad. Not that I care at all - I am not prejudice but my husband tries to be. The black friend for over a year was a point of contention - yet his little 21 year old friend was Latino. AGAIN - I DON'T CARE. I've raised my daughter to not care, my family doesn't care but he pretends too.
So at dinner, he makes racial remarks, my daughter flies off the handle and he leaves. So much for vacation.
I'm at wits end! She is yelling at him for his 'friend' and he is at her for hers. OMG. Who is 47 and who is 16. So much for vacation. He'll be out of jack daniels before we leave anyway! Ugh!
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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What's up with the weekend get away?
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 102
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Hello mrpat - we are going. I am making him take our daughter up early to get things set up and maybe, get some talking done. They really need to figure things out - sometimes I think I should just go to my mom's until they can control themselves and then I can come home and work on my marriage!
With any luck, once we all finally get there, being with our extended family will take our minds off things and give us a break. All my nephews (we have the only girl) are coming up to be with us - every single one. The only person that won't be here is my son, he is in MS in the Navy.
Wish me luck - I NEED it.
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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"I am making him take our daughter up early to get things set up and maybe, get some talking done. They really need to figure things out"
A wonderful idea................BRAVO!!!!
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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jststartinova
Gold
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 102
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We made it! By the time I got to Maine, dad and daughter were smiling - don't know what was talked about or said - didn't ask. I immediately cracked out the appetizers on the picnic table and we all talked and watched the rest of our family arrive at the campground.
Not one mention of any of the affair, not one argument or fight. We got home yesterday, and made it through the night alone in the house with no distractions, no tension (OK, very little) and no arguing.
I know it's only a small amount of time, but we've not had a single day that didn't end in arguing since May 21st - so it's a big hurdle for me (us).
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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That's great news!! I wish you all the best going forward. Remember, always take the high road. Doing otherwise can be detrimental to healing on both sides.
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 285
Loc: NM
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Vacations are always stressfull and with that big white elephant (the affair) hanging around, it must have tripled the stress. I am so happy for you that you were able to put that aside for some good family time. Way to go!! Keep it up, it does get easier. (I say this one year out from his affair, while we are on vacation.)
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