regularguy
Platinum
Reged: 08/10/07
Posts: 221
Loc: RI
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Stoltz, my exact scenario to a tee, (except it was my first marriage). Be careful my friend, not to be jaded or cynical but view everything as to how is she (not a gender thing - men can be calculating also)going to screw you over. I bit my tongue so much it needed to sewn back together, did everything other than shopping and paying the bills - she had a calculated reason for taking that task on also and the paranoid side of me, at times, wondered what her "motive" for cooking @ 50% of the time was, being the good soldier didn't work. Not to be too graphic but even in he rack it was completely one-sided (oral 100:1)not in my favor. In order to salvage the marriage I sold my biz and got a j-o-b at a mere fraction of what I could make previously. More time w/ her and the kids and actually able to take time off and work reasonable hours were all part of the current landscape. Then she drops the bomb - she suddenly wants out -huh??? The assets from the sale are 1/2 her's and better act now as she can use my wages as a biz owner against me - when I have absolutely no chance to come close to making that dough as an employee. She clearly has a heart of gold!!!
Just be careful and watch every move - yes a horrible way to live, but I think prudent advice since she sounds exactly like my ex. This coincides with her business that I helped finance is finally on the verge of getting out of the red after a mere eight years (I don't get a penny from that and she averaged 15% of what she used to make as an employee - that's right not 15% less but 15% of what she used to make - 85% less). Ironic that all those events coincided with her suddenly deciding it's time to wrap er up!!!!
You seem like a sharp guy would is aware of your surroundings, but don't drop your or you could, as I did, catch one squarely on the chin.
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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You know Stoltz - the thing I just can't figure out about you - you seem to be a fascinating, generous, hopeless romantic. I can't imagine why you keep ending up with these complete losers as wives! And three times, no less.
Life is just not fair sometimes.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1489
Loc: Texas
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you seem to be a fascinating, generous, hopeless romantic.
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Wow. I've been called a lot of things, but certainly not any of those. Thanks.
In all honesty, I'm not going to sit here and say I had absolutely nothing to do with my failed relationships. Could I have done more? Quite possibly. In my youth, I was not a very social person and didn't like "going out" much (not even to a restaurant). I even think I had a mild form of social anxiety disorder. I just didn't like being around groups of people. In part, I think that had something to do with my first two failed marriages. They say opposites attract, and my two first wives were both young AND somewhat extroverted. So in a small way I can understand the conflict they may have had wanting to go out "partying" while even the mere thought of it made my palms sweaty and brought my blood pressure up.
However, even though I felt very uncomfortable doing it, I did my best to break free of my shell and become more social. But that still didn't work. Both had decided married life meant a cut in their individual desires, so they chose to go the individual life. Of course, that meant ending our marriage, but so be it for them.
But you're right in that I was brought up a genuine romantic in that I believed a relationship was a bond between two people who genuinely cared for one another, and that troubles that would come were subservient to the greater love of the bond. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work in the real world. I guess it would have been easier had I not been brought up the way I was as the failures would not have taken their toll to the extreme they have. However, it has opened my eyes to a lot of other things similarly related, such as custody, support, domestic violence, etc., and the obvious bias (and even unconstitutionality) that exists in our judicial system.
Are there good, honest, caring women out there that still believe in "fascinating, generous, hopeless romantic[s]"? I'm sure of it. However, with today's climate, finding a similar mate with those enduring characteristics is indeed like finding a needle in a haystack. Even if you find one, you never know if those characteristics will stay.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1489
Loc: Texas
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You seem like a sharp guy would is aware of your surroundings, but don't drop your or you could, as I did, catch one squarely on the chin.
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Thanks. At this point in my life, I'm resolved knowing I am caught between a rock and a hard place, so I just persevere. Nothing these days mean more to me than my kids. If I knew I could be released from this relationship and have my kids intact, I'd do it in a second. Unfortunately, I know that would not be the case. So I have an inner dichotomy that I keep hidden from everyone - even her. It's sad, but given the climate of today's judicial system, I know the alternative of getting a divorce - worse, with a woman who knows it all too well, also. I have the scars on my tongue as well, and I hope it will still be attached in 14 or so years when I can finally be freed from this hellish prison.
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