VexedDad
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 7
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Thank you all for the suggestions and support. This is in IL. Unfortunately, the kids already have the experience of seeing cops brought into this ugly situation. The weekend before last Christmas, she gave me 1 hour to pick up the rest of my belongings from the house or have them put out on the curb at midnight. When I arrived, she started in with "you have to take off your shoes in the house, you can't use that door, etc..." Then she started berating me and rehashing all the issues surrounding the divorce. This was all in front of my 4yo son who was asking, "Daddy can you play with me?" and my 10yo daughter who was within earshot upstairs. When I started to argue back, she called the police claiming I was "becoming very violent" -- not even close! I sat out on the front stoop and called my lawyer while she continued to throw my things out the front door. My lawyer told me to leave because the cops might just take her word and arrest me and I would spend Christmas in jail, so I left and cried all the way back to my apartment. My daughter later told me the police did show up. Since then she will only let me pick up and drop off the kids at McDonald's, as if I were some dangerous criminal.
Now she is fighting with me over summer vacations. Even though the JPA her attorney drafted clearly stated that the parent who has the children on the weekends of Memorial Day and Labor gets to keep them the whole long weekend, she is accusing me of being unfair for holding her to that. I happened to have the kids for visitation Memorial Day and am scheduled to have them Labor Day. This will alternate in the coming years. For July 4th, the JPA states we alternate ODD (her) and EVEN (me) years, which means I am supposed to get them this year, and the 5th-7th happens to be my visitation weekend as well. Yet, she is demanding I give her Labor Day weekend if I take the 4th-7th this coming weekend.
Here's the kicker -- she already told my daughter they would go to Mall of America for the 4th of July weekend and then told her "Daddy won't let us go." It's such a mess. I would just give her Labor Day if it weren't for a big family reunion we have planned that weekend (about 70 people) for my parents' 83rd and 86th birthdays. All this started just because I asked to take the kids for a week for a summer vacation, which is my right within the JPA. That's when all the fuzzy math about summer holidays and makeup days, etc. started -- all of course calculated to be in her favor. She already took the kids to Disney for a week at the begining of the summer and has a cruise planned in August. All I'm asking for is one lousy week! She's changing all the rules because she hasn't signed the JPA (even though I already did).
This is just another in a series of petty and nitpicky things she has been fighting me tooth and nail on since this all started. She doesn't care how much it costs in attorney fees since she makes a lot of dough (2x my salary in fact). She has already stated several times she intends to drive me to bankruptcy. Sorry this was so long. Just had to vent...
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Hanging in there...
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1228
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[quote]KGrow agrees with eiram. Police are not the right kind of hammer for this type of screw.
File for contempt and request that the orders be changed to do exchanges through a neutral third party. [/quote]
Without the police involved it becomes his word against hers. You will pay 2K to go to court be put on the stand and it come down to you saying you didn't get visitation and her saying you did. Guys already have a up hill battle in court, so in essance she already has the uper hand.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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She'd be stupid to try to claim the children were with him when they were actually with her. It won't take a police report to expose a crass lie like that.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Actually yes the b*tch's mouthpiece crooned "Your he could have easily typed this piece of paper up on his computer" in response to the TWO police reports stating "UNFOUNDED" allegations of domestic violence and the supporting proof their onsite investigation uncovered. The police reports and 911 tapes were gotten from the police dept. and receipts were provided. "Those receipts could have been for a traffic fine". Then he threw in "Your honor the younger child urinates on the floor out of fear when he comes to pick her up". When the TWO officers (who had been there and did not like being obviously lied to) made it clear in depo to her atty. that they would be glad to testify against her only then did her scumbag lawyer advise her not to take the issue to trial. She is stupid, but it does take a police report and a live witness to expose the crass lies of a woman and a nasty lawyer in family court. Sure the kids suffer from it, but do you think this type of person is not going to harm the kids in other ways regardless of whether you defend yourself to the maximum or give her what she wants? My experience is it's never enough.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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[quote]She'd be stupid to try to claim the children were with him when they were actually with her. It won't take a police report to expose a crass lie like that. [/quote]
You are right, that would be stupid. That is why she would state that he never showed up. She waited 30 minutes and then left with the kids. What was she supposed to do? Wait around all day?
A police report is a very well documented description of his attempt to see the kids and her refusal to let him.
Not only that, the mother can't claim bias like she could if he were to bring a friend.
Now if he doesn't want to go that route, he needs to find the closest store to her house (this won't work if they live close to each other) and buy something to show that he was there at a certain time. It still doesn't provide 100% proof that he actually went to the house. But it is a start.
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utdivorce
Gold
Reged: 02/26/07
Posts: 147
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Read carefully: She is your enemy. My ex tried this bullcrap and I put a stop to it. The cops won't do much. Take your children and keep them til u feel like it. If they want go back to court and see what the judge tells you. My ex tried all kinds of ways to keep me from my son. Cops will not get involved because its a "civil" matter. If you take your children they will not take them from you. Take the bicth back to court. Don't let her take your children from you.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3314
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[quote]Read carefully: She is your enemy. My ex tried this bullcrap and I put a stop to it. The cops won't do much. Take your children and keep them til u feel like it. If they want go back to court and see what the judge tells you. My ex tried all kinds of ways to keep me from my son. Cops will not get involved because its a "civil" matter. If you take your children they will not take them from you. Take the bicth back to court. Don't let her take your children from you. [/quote]
The cops also won't force her to give him the kids.
And if he keeps the children beyond the court ordered time, he won't have much of a case for contempt of court against the mother as his hands will be just as dirty.
Following your advice could get him supervised visits.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1228
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[quote][quote]
Following your advice could get him supervised visits. [/quote]
I would change could to would and could get jail time. As a guy you have to do everything by the book.
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ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 108
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I'm not sure where you live in IL, but here in Du Page county there are neutral exchange services available through the county. The services are free but they need to be ordered by the court. They will record every exchange and whether she shows up with the kids or not. They will then provide a copy of that record to the courts, if needed. It's very easy and much less messy than calling the police.
The courts approved my request for it but I really needed it as I had an Order of Protection against my mentally ill/drug addict ex. I'm not sure if threats to withhold visitation would get it granted but its worth a try.
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