lisak
New
Reged: 12/26/07
Posts: 23
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We have been doing it for a few years. My son is still in grade school. We live close and I'm hoping things don't change when he gets older. I guess i'm afraid he"ll start to "like" one house better than the other. Does it work with older kids?
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4790
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A good friend of mine has been doing it for 5 years since the girls were 9 & 11. The kids love it. Jungle themed room in Dad's house, princess in Mom's. Dad's heritage and huge family connections celebrated at Dad's, Mom's social butterfly ways and connectiosn with the community spending time at Moms.
They've tried from time to time to say that Mom is nicer than Dad or more strict. That Dad is more fun or angrier... and they use these things to try to manipulate the time they spend with either. But the parents have not allowed the kids to dictate where they go at any given time, so the kids never learned to expect it. And there's not a lot of trying to manipulate stuff because the parents don't respond to it. Tehre's some of it, becasue at first it was clear to the girls that if they trashed their Dad in front of Mom, it made Mom happy to hear, and visa versa... but over time and with a LOT of work, the parents have stopped that junk. They've got a wider network of friends probably than if they had just one house, and it's frustrating when a friend next door to Dad's house is going to be left behind so they can spend the week at Mom's... but when they get to Mom's there's the friend who lives next door to Mom's... so all is well.
The older they get, the more important thier friends and schools are, so if you and your ex live close enough and transport the kids to where the friends are, transport the friends to your houses... and let the kids drive when they're old enough... it should be OK. It's only worked for my friend and her kids becasue they have kept the kids in the same school even though Dad moved away frmo the district. He has had to figure out how to drive them to & from school every day on his week, but that's his problem, not the girls', not the ex wife's, and he handles it.
These are some of the most emotionally healthy children of divorce I've ever met!
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lisak
New
Reged: 12/26/07
Posts: 23
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Do you know what their schedule is like? Weeks on week off or days? Mine is crazy but it works for us and my son gets to see each of us almost daily. Plus his dad works some nights so he has to be with me on those days.
We also split the weekends. Saturday with me (dad works all day) Sunday with dad. And were crazy enough to have breakfast together most days!!! Only draw back is I do almost all of the driving back and forth.
Thanks
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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Too many exchanges in your situation (in my oppn). The weekends need to be spent at one household not both. The child is shuffled too much and can't relax and be a kid because of this. Esp in the summer months try and extend the stay at both parents homes so the child can relax for a few days at a time.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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lisak
New
Reged: 12/26/07
Posts: 23
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this is our schedule. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to tell people this because they look at me like I'm crazy...
Alternate Mondays
Tuesday Mom
Wednesday Dad
Thursday Mom
Alternate Friday
Sat day Mom
Alternate Sat night
Sunday Dad
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lisak
New
Reged: 12/26/07
Posts: 23
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In the business my ex is in he works every Saturday. So if ex had a weekend he would have to have a sitter. No way! Some of his work days are from 9 am to 9 pm.
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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Hell mine ain't much better just less exchanges.
Mon - tues
change
Wed - thurs
change
Fri -sat -sunday
change
It just works better because they have consistant and multiple days at one location. Weekends in the yr are even in this schedule.
If he works on Saturday, you should take the child while he is at work. He needs to adjust his schedule or step aside during working time for the benefit of the child.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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