liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 545
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and it brings back all the old emotions, EVEN when it is only email contact. As I sit here, I am in an email exchange with my Ex, since he won't even talk to me. We actually have two conversations going at once. One is about this weekend...he has them. The other is about a problem we have with one of the children which he will not address. My blood pressure is sky high, I am hyperventilating, etc. The old fear and trepidation of dealing with him just floods back when I have any contact with him...
I knew I'd never be able to totally sever ties with him, but oh, how I hate this!
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Kimberley
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 808
Loc: NJ
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Funny you say that. How you can never sever ties. I was speaking to my stbx's best friend yesterday, and he says to me "it'll be done in a few months and he'll be out of your hair". But, I reminded him since we have a child together, it doesn't end. You still have to deal with all the BS to get through raising your child.
I, too, hate dealing with my stbx. It makes my blood boil. There are very few people who can do that to me. He is one of them. I'm normally very even keel, mild mannered and friendly. But stbx gets my shackles up every time. How do you get over that?
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sohurt
Gold
Reged: 03/14/07
Posts: 155
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Unfortunately, he’s always going to be in your life whether you want it or not. Email is a good way though to avoid at least talking directly to him. At least you can’t think about what you want to say and how.
Hang in there. I know it’s hard but you’re doing it for the kids.
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 545
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I don't think you do get over it. I was just reading your thread about the grandparent visit, and that is the kind of thing that won't end until they are all 18 and can handle it themselves. And even then, there are weddings, births of grandchildren. etc. Our lives are linked forever--oh, wait yes, that's the way it was designed :) Our poor children get caught in the crossfire, even when we do our very best to handle it amicably...
I hate divorce! But I also remind myself when this happens that before, my life was like this 24/7. It reminds me that I did do the right thing! And so did you...limited, supervised contact with your stbx for your son is better than being reminded daily that his father doesn't care about him.
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Kimberley
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beblebrox
Platinum
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Western Pennsylvania
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Same here. I can be going along fine and the she calls about something minor and it just devastates me. she always has to throw some comment in about "I just miss hearing your voice". And then there I am, right back at the bottom again. I feel like Sisyphus, pushing that rock up the hill, only to have it roll back down again.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 808
Loc: NJ
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[quote] But I also remind myself when this happens that before, my life was like this 24/7. It reminds me that I did do the right thing! And so did you...limited, supervised contact with your stbx for your son is better than being reminded daily that his father doesn't care about him. [/quote]
That is a great way to view the situation! I will keep that in mind when my blood is boiling. Limited contact in this situation is definitely a plus. Even my sister says DS and I are much better off this way. At least life is stable and predictable when it's just us. And, mom (me) is much calmer all the time. (except for during those bouts of contact) We only do email and text message contact ourselves.
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1057
Loc: Hell, USA
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I completely understand. Just texted mine last night asking if my son could stay to do fire works tommorrow night. I have to pick my words carefully. I have to go over in my head what to say and how to say it-without giving him something to 'feed' off of, to twist around and make me feel bad or angry.
He said 'if that's what he wants to do'. So my son was happy. We are going to a 4th of july party and then everyone is coming to my farm to watch fireworks-my boyfriend and son bought $300 worth of fireworks! We have a ban on fireworks in the city limits-but we live in the county. We need some rain bad.
Happy 4th of July to everyone!
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1573
Loc: Western New York
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Here's news - even when you have "no contact," (in reality for me due to our grown children) you never are really gone from each other's lives. That line about "what God has put together, let no man put asunder," comes back to me frequently.
I don't know how it is for him and don't really care, but my ex is in my thoughts many times per day. With that in mind, I try to keep my thoughts positive and wish him well. Otherwise, I'd be a bitter, angry woman.
Maybe this will grow less and less in time, but I'm done fighting it. We were together 25 years. I grew up with him. I have to trust that time will heal me. But for now? Contact, no contact. He's still in my life.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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ipso
Bronze
Reged: 05/21/08
Posts: 43
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<quote> That line about "what God has put together, let no man put asunder," comes back to me frequently. </quote>
That may be so, but no god ever put together my marriage. I would look in the other direction for someone to blame in my particular case.
Sorry, Mari, I was just venting some bitterness. I'm sure your faith is a source of great support for you, or at least I hope it is.
I've never been religious in my adult life, but now more than ever I can't bring myself to believe that things happen for a reason. Seems to me that things just happen-- if I learn something from it, great, but it could just as easily have been the guy next to me.
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One must want nothing to be different... not only to bear what is necessary, but to love it.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 808
Loc: NJ
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Sorry, OT for the thread but I wanted to respond to ipso.
In my case, I don't think God put my marriage together, and that's one of the reasons it failed. God was missing from the marriage. We humans thought we could do it all without him. I'm realizing, now, that without God in my life to help me bear my burdens, I would be in much worse shape.
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