happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1118
Loc: Hell, USA
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Taryn I completely sympathize with that fact that this situation requires you to have contact with your STBX. I know the feeling too well. I avoid things because I don't want to deal with him. Any contact I have with him just opens the door for some type of comment or remark to chip away at me with.
I would provide what I could and tell him that is what you did. I know you are trying to protect your kids and make the situation for them comfortable-but you are doing all you can. It will have to be enough. I would carefully plan what I was going to say-so you don't give him the opportunity to use anything you say to hurt you.
Good luck.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2638
Loc: Michigan
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Just send what you have for them that works for this event. Let him know it's all you have right now and if they need something else he can go and get it because the kids will appreciate it. Let him know that doing this is for the kids and not about you and him. This is where you find yourself in life right now....................NOT the rest of your life just simply right now. What happens in the future if this is all just a memory of doing the best you can with what you have..............a memory of a job well done I'd say.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 673
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Marry me pat!! oh wait I don't think that is legal yet..never mind.
Taryn your doing a great job as a mother, hold your head up high and keep doing the best you can. Like Mr. and others have said send what you can and if he doesn't like it well he should have been buying the outfits anyway. I can't imagine asking my ex to send something for mine to wear to a function I was taking them to, afterall I have better taste than she does ;-)
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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eiram
Gold
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 102
Loc: Indiana
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taryn - been there...done that...and have been burned in the process. my X has done this on occasion to me. and then didn't take the kids to the event. i will never do it again.
i've told him that on his 'special' occasions, he needs to make sure that they have what they need, as i will no longer be providing outfits for his events. if i have the clothes already, then i will. if i don't, then he will need to provide it.
good luck!
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to my ex - what goes around, comes around. you'll get yours...
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2638
Loc: Michigan
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I'm kind of curious how this worked out in the end.
I get this all the time from my ex and never seem to get this right. She claims to buy stuff I ask for receipts...........she tell me to f-off and so on and so on. When I buy stuff I never ask her for money, it's just part of raising my kids.
I would hope he got what they needed it was his responsiblilty.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2257
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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it went well!
as expected,
when i first went out and started talking to my stbx
he instantly made some mockery comments to my clothing, mannerisms, etc.
I made a quick "knock it off" statement and got back to business.
Things improved right away.
Not only did he get the items needed,
he bought a few extras and
even bought an extra for one of the kids who was not
comfortable with what i already had.
YEAH! for my kids!
and
YEAH for my stbx for being a man.
Of course,
he's a superficial motherfucker,
and checked the TAGS! of the dressess i had for the six year old one to see 'who made them', BUT that's to be expected.
AND everything he bought was bought from the 'right stores'
(at good deals though!)
the kids were SO proud of how they looked!
I offered stbx to keep the items he bought at his house,
but he did not. the kids brought them home.
I didnt think of the fact that my stbx is SO 'appearance'
concious that he would buy the kids what they needed to look good.
He did try to get me to buy the items at one point.
even stating where to go and what good bargains they had.
but,
as i really didnt have the $$ and stated so,
i think he believed me, or maybe im finally standing up for myself. Either way, he did the right thing!
as for Pat's comment that his ex states he always does the wrong thing...im not to that point yet, as this is new to our household.
and while my stbx may not choose gifts i prefer, i provide thier needs myself the best i can. So anything he provides im very thankful for.
all that worry for nothing.
LOL.
(by the way...i still HATE him...im just glad he was a good dad for the kids! in this situation.)
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (07/03/08 01:26 PM)
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