cwag
Platinum
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 782
Loc: way down south
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disney dad still happens. my 21 yr old came home last night and told me she was goign to florida with her dad. the same dad who won't do a thing for her otherwise. my 23 yr old and his gf are going as well. along with his *happy little family*. i am AMAZED at how angry adn hurt i am about this.
some of it is justified. in 2 seconds flat she changed her tune about him 180 degrees. clearly she can be bought. i am not getting in a biddign war with him. it would be VERY easy to do that.
i find myself jealous, envious, pissed, and hurt.
he NEVER did that stuff with our family...(all 33 years of it)
he's playing her for all it's worth. again. making a big show of it.
he can spend a ton of money renting a fricking van to bring them all there, a huge condo, etc. yet can't pay one bill for her and goes off on a rant if she asks.
they're out *having fun* while i'm here at home doing nothing.
i hate him for it and i am angry as shit about the way it's changed her whole attitude.
that's the reality. i'm not exactly proud of myself for feeling that way. i know i "should" feel differently. but being brutally honest. that is where i am. on one hand i am ticked at myself for buying into that. otoh, i know better.
ultimatly i am upset cus i thought i was so over it adn obviulsy i am far from it.
dammit
so there. my unvarnished naked truth.
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there will come a time when you believe everything is finished. that will be the beginning.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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It surely hurts when things like this happen. But, when your kids are off on their own after a while, they will realize what happened with disney dad, and thank you for being the steady rock in their lives. Seriously. Keep taking the high road and you will be teaching them an invaluable lesson.
You're quite allowed to be envious, jealous, pissed and all those things. Just don't let on to the kids that's how you feel.
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 823
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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I so know how you feel. I also was so sure I was well over all this BS and on my way to recovery and for the last few days I have been in "self pity mode" and feeling jealous about how great his new life is and how so alone I am. I know this is being provoked because he is on his way to pick up our daughter for visitation with him for the first time in the 8 months we have been separated. My daughter will be gone for at least a month and I have no guarantee it won't be longer because our agreement is if she really wants to stay longer she can up unitl the beginning of school. In fact he keeps sending me messages saying"you never know she may decide she wants to live with me and if she does she won't be back".
We haven't been to court yet but my lawyer has said as long as he will sign an agreement with a pick-up and return date and inform me of any changes our daughter wishes to make to same then it will be OK for her to go.
My stbx would never go on family trips either so I know if he took our daughter and his GF and her kids on a trip to Disney I would be sooooo upset. He even used his PTSD as an excuse to not be able to travel. Funny how he is managing just fine travelling to come and get his daughter.
Oh yeah. I am soooo with you.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 796
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I am so sorry! This totally sucks! Hang in there and know that you are doing what is best for your kids!
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newlife123
Gold
Reged: 11/04/07
Posts: 188
Loc: phila suburb-PA
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jealousy stinks! I'm there after mine went away with her and her kids for 10 days when I couldn't get him to take off a day for me and his own kids. Then I found out he's not going to go back to work for another week so he can have more fun, what the hell was wrong with me that I couldn't rate a week? I hate that it hurts but it does!
My kids are 19 and 20 and I saw them every day he was away but now that he's home I have to make an appointment. They live with him, I couldn't afford for them to live with me. I only live 5 minutes from the house. It just stinks
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cwag
Platinum
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 782
Loc: way down south
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and i thought i was the only one.
i'm glad y'all understand, but really sad that we all have to go through this.
it's the worst part of it for me.
the thing i hate the most is my daughter and i are (have been) really close. could talk about anything.
no more.
i can live wihtout him real easily.
but the thought that he woudl/coudl "take her away" is totally below the belt.
i guess i shouldn't be surprised. he's always been a disney dad. never coudl say no. i was always the bad guy for trying to set limits. he has done them no favors but they haven't figured that out yet.
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there will come a time when you believe everything is finished. that will be the beginning.
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 1967
Loc: bottom of a pit
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oh, you are not the only one. my stbx isn't the disney dad, but he's now pretending to be the dad and husband i wanted him to be. i just posted last night about him taking my kids to the county fair. something i always did, usually without him. he just never wanted to do those things. i can count on my two hands how many times we did "family" things in our 10+ years of being married. now he takes the gf to the movies (we went once in 12 years of being together), they go out to dinner, take the kids to chuck e cheese, the boardwalk....all these are things we never did. 14 months later and it still blindsides me sometimes. i truly don't love him anymore. i actually almost hate him, so this shit shouldn't bother me, but sometimes it really, really does. and this past couple of weeks it is hitting me hard.
anyway, enough about me! again, you are not alone. i just wish i had the words to make you feel better. i'm sure it gets easier some day. i just don't know when that is.
kat
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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cwag
Platinum
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 782
Loc: way down south
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"i truly don't love him anymore. i actually almost hate him, so this shit shouldn't bother me, but sometimes it really, really does. and this past couple of weeks it is hitting me hard."
exactly.
sometimes i just don't get it.
it makes no sense.
to top it off, i thought i was DONE. got the settlement check. paid the attorney. done.
we had 1 outstanding joint debt that we were each supposed to pay half of.
i paid my half and sent him a photocopy.
i got a letter from my attorney yesterday with an enclosure from his atty asking for my pd receipt, and with his receipt enclosed. give me a break.
i sent her an email saying i had sent it to him. i was not going to send it to his atty also.
no way am i paying an atty bill for that. that is just plain highway robbery. he wants to go thru attys for somethign as stupid as that - he will pay it.
THAT pissed me off.
bas tard
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there will come a time when you believe everything is finished. that will be the beginning.
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SetterMama
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/07
Posts: 808
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
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I am by no means belittling your feelings but I just wanted to provide the perspective of children in this instance.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and I never lived with my dad from that day forward. His visitation with us was VERY sporadic because he had a job that required him to travel all over the globe for months at a time. So when we did get time with him it was usually a week or two away to visit his family or a trip somewhere. My mom used to call my dad a Disneyland dad and she was very envious of the trips he could take us on. As a kid I just wanted to spend time with my dad. He is half of me and I wanted to know him and love him and be with him - even though some of his actions were deplorable. He treated my mom like crap a lot of the time - they both antagonise one another terribly. But he was my DAD and I just wanted to be with him - I could forgive anything just to spend a weekend with a man that contributed half of my DNA but that I only saw 2-4 times a year.
Please don't take your children's willingness to forgive a parent for nearly anything as a personal slight - it's not. It's just the actions of a vulnerable person trying to find love and acceptance in a place where there may be little to none.
I know how much it hurts - it hurt my mom too - but just remember to tell yourself that you are home to them and he can be Disneyland - home is a VERY important place to children - even adult children. I think you deserve a pat on the back for raising children that can forgive and love someone who has slighted them in the biggest way - that is no easy feat in our world!
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He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~ Lau Tzu
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