Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3220
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You are not being mean. Your stbx is.
And if he harps on it (which is hard to do if you hang up on him when the conversation moves away from the kids, btw), simply tell him that you are not friends. Nor do you want to be. You will celebrate your birthday how you want to. Which is not with him. And you will not feel guilty about it. And then hang up. Or walk away.
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 951
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No...
you not wanting to spend the day with him on YOUR birthday is not mean, but I don't think his buying you gifts and wanting to spend the day with you is mean, either.
His calling you mean cause you're spending the day how you want to, which doesn't include him, (rightfully so) is very immature.
Hope you have a happy, happy birthday! :)
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 265
Loc: Illinois
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Don't tell him anything of the sort about your current mental situation. It isn't his business.
My ex and I had a very civil divorce with no abuse, infidelity, or addictions and she initiated it. When we were moving out of our house after living together for 6 months while divorced I saw her father, who I only marginally tolerated. He asked me how things were going and I smiled at him and said "Any better there would have to be an investigation," and borrowed a cigarette from my former brother-in-law and smoked for the first time ever in front of him.
You never let them see you sweat, and you never explain why you don't want to see them.
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 816
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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Gotta agree with everyone here. There is no way you are being mean by needing to have minimal contact and not being able to maintain a friendship with someone who has already hurt you in the worst way.
What I want to know is how does his GF feel about this. He must really care about her feelings if he still wants connection with you and her at the same time. Either that or she is just dopey enough to trust him. My message to my stbx's GF 8 months later is "he's your problem now" amen sister!!!
Never doubt yourself. You do what you need to do to keep your sanity in this mess.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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cwag
Platinum
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 782
Loc: way down south
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they are just not to be believed.
how stupid can they be?
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there will come a time when you believe everything is finished. that will be the beginning.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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Brokenup,
what did you decide to do about your birthday celebration? please don't go with him. That would not be celebrating and could actually be painful. Who wants to put themselves through pain on their birthday just to make someone else happy?? Go get a massage, manicure and pedicure. That would make you feel good.
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brokenup
Silver
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 50
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Well, I ended up deciding to spend the day by myself, going to have a "me" day today. I told my stbx that I wasn't trying to be mean to him, it's just that I didn't want to go out with him and act like everything was all fine between us. He said that maybe we could go out as "friends", but I told him that true friends don't hurt people like he did to me. And then I told him to drop it since nothing he could say would change my mind. So anyway, off to have a whole day to myself!
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Andrea
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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Good for you!!!
I hope you do something nice for yourself today and enjoy it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
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