germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1043
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Lonely, I'm so sorry your husband isn't interested in being a family. That's his choice. it's not your fault. I can count on one hand the times my stbx made me sit back and sigh, "oh, you're such a great dad and I love seeing you interact with our son". How sad is that? He was part of our "family" for 6 years. Some men just aren't into it, and you can't make them. You sound like you love your son, and that's what matters right now. He has someone in his life that loves him unconditionally, and he will thank you for that when he gets older.
Keep posting and venting to get yourself through this. I know what you mean about not wanting to talk to family about it.
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brokenup
Silver
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 50
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I too am so sorry that you are going through this. I read your post and it reminded me of the same things that I went through, and am still going through. My stbx and I have a 5 year old and 3 year old together, and he ended up telling me 7 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce because he didn't love me anymore and because he was seeing someone else. So even though he was walking out on our family and cheated on me, I still loved him and wanted him back so badly. I felt like I wouldn't be able to get through it, and that I couldn't survive without him. But, in time, I started to realize that I really could live without him, and that I didn't need to be with a cheater. He didn't respect me at all, or our kids, so why should I want him back. But I wanted him because our marriage meant something to me, but obviously it didn't to him. And even though I still have rough days, and I mean rough, I still am getting better everyday. And I continue to question why I am doing so well after only 7 weeks, but I guess I am just progressing through the grieving process. So I really don't have any advice for you, other than it will get better, it really will. I was sitting here 7 weeks ago having people tell me the same thing, and I thought "yah right", but now here I am telling you the same thing, because it's true. Allow yourself to feel the way you are feeling though, allow yourself to cry, because that is the only way you are going to move forward. I agree that you do need to let it go at some point, but at the same time, it's not always that easy. It's hard to "let go" of a marriage and a spouse that cheats. So just remember that soon enough you will get to that point where you will be able to let it go and move on. But for the time being, let yourself grieve. Hang in there though, a lot of people on here, including me, can relate. Write whenever you need too, even if it's just to vent!
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Andrea
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lonely14
Silver
Reged: 07/03/08
Posts: 72
Loc: Midwest
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Thanks for the support. I agree that my heart and head are in two different places. I just am frustrated. It has been over a year and a half since he first left and it still feels somedays like it happened yesterday. The holidays don't help either- knowing he is out with friends at a party and I am home alone..again. It makes my mind wonder to places it shouldn't.
I just have to keep hanging on to the idea that things WILL get better it is just going to take a lot of time. This sucks..
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It is the little things that matter the most.
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Robfrommichigan
Platinum
Reged: 12/13/06
Posts: 1402
Loc: Reality Sux.
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We're here if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on.
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.
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lonely14
Silver
Reged: 07/03/08
Posts: 72
Loc: Midwest
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Thanks..today has been a rough day. STBX girlfriend called last night to pick a fight..wanting to know why I called my STBX earlier that day. I said it was about our son and it was between the two of us. She had the gumption to ask what my problem is with her. Hmm. let me think. You started sleeping with my husband knowing that he was married and had a small child. She said I was a bad, crazy mother that shouldn't have custody of my son.
I guess calling my STBX to notify him that our son was covered in a rash from head to toe makes me crazy. So, my STBX calls to chew me out and says I need to stop creating drama. Hello?? She called me late at night and through gritted teeth I said it was none of her business why I called and to not call me anymore.. That was it. I wanted to say a lot more but I knew it wouldn't do any good.
I am so angry/frustrated. He says he wants to be more involved, so I call to tell him about the strange rash and I get a phonecall back from the girlfriend telling me I am a crazy unfit mother..
I want to buy an island for my son and I. An island that does not have a phone..
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It is the little things that matter the most.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Hey 14, Good morning to you. Do hope everything is looking better.
Ah.... calls from the girlfriend. I remember those.
The one thing you can count on when you hear the girlfriends voice is "it's not going to be good."
I told my s2bx's girlfriend during the last conversation that it was sad that she had the cheater and yet she felt insecure. And I was very disappointed in her as a women due to the fact she could have spent her time more wisely "bragging on my hair", not discussing a man that I don't find worth discussing.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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