Ennuii
New
Reged: 07/04/08
Posts: 2
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We women wanted equal rights, so fair is fair. A month ago he accused me of having an affair (I wasn't), but I had been working two jobs to make ends meet because he could not find work in his field (construction), and merely sat in the garage all day getting high.
The day he accused me of having the affair, he also tried to strangle me, then smashed my phone so I could not call for help, which is an automatic felony.
I have been granted a ten-year permanent injunction and sole custody of our son, who is 8. My attorney told me not to worry; the ex cannot get support from me (we're in Florida) because of the violence.
However, I just learned from a neighbor who the ex keeps in touch with that he is planning to seek alimony from me because I was the one who made the most money throughout our nine-year-marriage.
I KNOW my attorney said not to worry, but I would like some reassurance from those who've been through it, if possible.
Thanks in advance!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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Chances are, since you have custody of your son, you won't have to pay alimony. And he will have income imputed to him (probably just minimum wage at 40 hours a week) and be ordered to pay you child support. Doesn't mean he will, but he will be ordered to pay something.
But that is something that you want to discuss with your attorney, which you already have done. And your attorney has told you not to worry about it.
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Ennuii
New
Reged: 07/04/08
Posts: 2
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Thanks, Jada, I appreciate it. It just made me nervous when I heard that.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4842
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Three things: First, he has the capacity to get a job, but apparnetly refuses because he can't find work in his chosen field. Mostly, alimony is to rehabilitate someone in thier career if they've made sacrifices for the family. He's not made sacrifices for the family, but rather chose a job where he does nto earn as much. If a woman chose to be a teacher while her husband was a lawyer, when they divorced, he might be required to give her a little if she followed him for work, but he would not be required to support her as if she was STILL a lawyer's wife, doing his laundry & cooking & hosting parties for his partners after school hours! He will be required to find work, any work... to have a plan, to figure out what he wants to do, and even IF you owed alimony to him, it would be a small amount to be a bridge what he needs in order to get back on his feet.
Second, he committed domestic violence against you. Generally, people are not allowed to commit violence and then get thier victims to pay alimony to them. If he's a violent deadbeat who can't hold down a job, they're not going to make you pay him...
THIRD... more importantly, they're not going to make you pay him when you've got the kid. In general, with very few exceptions, the person who gets the kid gets entitlements to more consideration in terms of alimony, keeping the house, etc. Think of it this way... if you both wanted the house, one of you would have to pay the other for thier 50% share of the house... but the judge would have to decide WHICH one of you would get to KEEP the house and would have to pay theother. All other things being equal, assuming both have the ABILITY to pay and they just WANT the house... for whatever reasons... sentimental value, the belief that it's a good investment, or just not wanting the trouble of being the one to have to move... the judge would be flipping a coin to see who stays in the house... EXCEPT IF there are kids involved. THEn, the judge would look to see... WHO is keeping the kids? THAT would be the person most reasonable to give the house to. They would still have to pay thier half of the house to the other... but they'd get to keep it, and it's all because of the kids.
Now, finally... your stbx has the right to ASK for hwatever he wants. Heck... he might even DEMAND it. But that doens't mean he'll ever GET it. THat's just how things happen in court. You ask for everything, even the impossible, and if you're lucky, you'll get what's fair. What's fair for him is to get away with the shirt on his back and the ability to get a new job if he can find one.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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I hear you sister. My stbx is requesting alimony. NJ's rules sukk. Just because I've made significantly more our entire marriage, he could actually get it. I am the CP of our child. I've been carrying all our mortagages by myself for 18 months. I've not gotten a dime in CS. and he can still ask for alimony due to the constant income differences. Granted, stbx has the capability to earn plenty and survive on his own. he doesn't need any rehab time. He's just plain greedy. I almost throw up every time I think about this. Never live in NJ. The courts here sukk.
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ILMom
Silver
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 92
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My ex made $22K and I made $135K. 90% of divorces settle and never go to trial. He wanted the equity from the house so badly ($180K) that he just took the money and ran. I never have to pay a cent in SS. BTW He is also a bipolar drug addict who tried to kill himself and us with carbon monoxide poisoning while on drugs.
My lawyer said that the worst case for me would have been 15% of my gross for life. More likely would have been $1000 a month for about 6 1/2 years (we were married 19 years). Each state has their own set of rules regarding fault, etc. In IL, fault does not come into play re: SS. (Although it was a huge factor for custody.)
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allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 375
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In CA, in setting permanent spousal support, the court must consider if there has been domestic violence. CA. Family Code:
4325. (a) In any proceeding for dissolution of marriage where there
is a criminal conviction for an act of domestic violence perpetrated
by one spouse against the other spouse entered by the court within
five years prior to the filing of the dissolution proceeding, or at
any time thereafter, there shall be a rebuttable presumption
affecting the burden of proof that any award of temporary or
permanent spousal support to the abusive spouse otherwise awardable
pursuant to the standards of this part should not be made.
(b) The court may consider documented evidence of a convicted
spouse's history as a victim of domestic violence, as defined in
Section 6211, perpetrated by the other spouse, or any other factors
the court deems just and equitable, as conditions for rebutting this
presumption.
(c) The rebuttable presumption created in this section may be
rebutted by a preponderance of the evidence.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 705
Loc: PA
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[quote]I hear you sister. My stbx is requesting alimony. NJ's rules sukk. Just because I've made significantly more our entire marriage, he could actually get it.
he can still ask for alimony due to the constant income differences. [/quote]
I have that exact situation..her disability is 'nothing' because she always had low paying jobs. So ill owe her a ton of money now.
note to self..if get married..married richer woman
--------------------
call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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