Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]He is the father he deserves to be w/his child. Stop what you are doing! Let him be a father. [/quote]
She's not doing anything other than not agreeing to 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. That schedule simply won't work for a 5 year old child.
Nowhere did she say she was trying to keep her child from the father. That was your leap. And it must have hurt.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1145
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[quote] Stop what you are doing! Let him be a father. [/quote]
Stop what? Trying to do the one thing all of us guys wish our X's would do.
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Highroad
Bronze
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 31
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What is the current custody arrangement. And when you say you were the primary caregiver, do you mean you were PC while you and hubby were living together?
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Highroad
Bronze
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 31
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[quote][quote]I have no idea how my STBX is going to be as a single father. He may 'step up to the plate' or he may cop out. We are having written into our agreement 'first right of refusal' which means if the parent with DS needs a babysitter they must first ask the other parent. This is a good idea for two reasons: 1) I would rather DS be with a parent rather than a sitter, and 2) I can keep track of how often STBX needs to hire a sitter.
I have been searching websites for ideas on custody/visitation schedules but most sites just say do what is right for the child/ren. That doesn't really help when the parents disagree.[/quote]
One thing that you need to know is that once you establish a status quo, it is hard to change. In other words, if 50/50 physical isn't working for the child, you can't change it without the other parent agreeing to it or the courts agreeing to it. And the courts will only agree to it if there is a significant change of circumstances.
In other words, if he's hiring a sitter most of the time the child is with him, there's nothing you can do about it. That's not significant enough to change the custody arrangement.
Since the two of you don't agree, you will probably go to mediation and try to come to an agreement.
My suggestion is to write up a list with 3 columns. One would have the non-negotiable items that you won't budge on (right of first refusal is an example, that week-ends are alternated, even with a 50/50 physical custody arrangement, this way both parents get "fun"time with the child), items that you would like to have, and items that you really don't care about.
One of the things that I would do if I were in your shoes and going to do 50/50 physical custody is that it is done gradually. Your child is already having to adjust to you and your stbx no longer living together, making a drastic change like changing who his primary caregiver is half the time is only going to add to the stress. This way, you can see how your son is going to handle this type of schedule. What are you doing now? [/quote]
you said 3 columns, what are the other two columns?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]
you said 3 columns, what are the other two columns? [/quote]
Here you go, from the post you quoted:
My suggestion is to write up a list with 3 columns. 1. One would have the non-negotiable items that you won't budge on (right of first refusal is an example, that week-ends are alternated, even with a 50/50 physical custody arrangement, this way both parents get "fun"time with the child), 2. items that you would like to have, and 3. items that you really don't care about.
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duckgirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 10
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[quote]He is the father he deserves to be w/his child. Stop what you are doing! Let him be a father. [/quote]
Stop what I am doing??? Pardon me? I stated earlier that I have no intention of keeping my STBX from his son and that I would be agreeable to a 50/50 arrangement of one week on and one week off. My first and main concern is for my son and what is best for him. Just what is it that you would like to see me do differently??
Duck
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duckgirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 10
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[quote]What is the current custody arrangement. And when you say you were the primary caregiver, do you mean you were PC while you and hubby were living together? [/quote]
Yes, in fact we are still living together at the moment. STBX is moving out later this month.
Duck
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duckgirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 10
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That's a good idea too! I like it and will get right on it.
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duckgirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 10
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[quote][quote]He is the father he deserves to be w/his child. Stop what you are doing! Let him be a father. [/quote]
She's not doing anything other than not agreeing to 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. That schedule simply won't work for a 5 year old child.
Nowhere did she say she was trying to keep her child from the father. That was your leap. And it must have hurt. [/quote]
Thank you Jada for your support. I was suprised but not hurt. I am tougher than that.
I do wonder where utdivorce is now though. Haven't heard back from him. Think he ate his crow?
Duck
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duckgirl
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 10
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Just a quick update on our situation. STBX has now moved out (or at least mostly moved out). He slept at the new house Friday night with plans for our son to sleep over tonight for the first time. Our DS was sooo excited! We decorated his room as he asked (Spiderman) and he has been bugging us for him to sleep there for about a week now.
Anyway, we have spent a couple of evenings there all together before tonight so DS can get used to being there and be comfortable. Well, STBX completely ignored DS the whole time we were there!! I was the one entertaining him and watching a DVD with him until it was time for us to go! Then tonight, STBX 'invited' me over for dinner with the two of them. Well, surprise surprise! Guess who ended up making dinner (finally at 7:00!) and again STBX ignored DS all evening and in fact, was in bed asleep by 8:00, before DS!! I had to put the little guy to bed!!
Earlier this evening, DS asked if he could sleep over tomorrow night as well and STBX said that he may not sleep over again until after school started!!! WTF!! The whole idea of doing this during the summer was so that DS would be settled into the new schedule BEFORE school started. And this is the man who asked for 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off.
BTW, we have temporarily agreed to 1 week on and 1 week off. Any guesses as to how long this will last??
Duck
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