My husband moved to an apartment that my son refers to as the "Beach Hotel" almost two weeks ago. About three months ago he told me he was depressed, and didn't know if he wanted to stay. He said it had nothing to do with me. What he described was a textbook case of a mid-life crisis. During the time he made his declaration and he actually left, it clearly shifted to be our relationship as the cause of his issues. I can't say it's been a perfect marriage...he has had almost no libido, and has made little effort to provide any emotional support as I deal with a serious chronic illness. I will admit it took a lot of my energy to keep my job and deal with my illness for the past 6 years. I think I didn't realize that he was depressed---I thought he was just being a jerk. I'm still not sure where depression begins and meets up with jerk. Probably when he refused any treatment for the depression that was diagnosed in his single therapy visit.
So, as sit here admist the wadded tissues since he just picked up the kids for a weekend out of town, I am trying to put it all into perspective. Was there something I could have done differently? Will he come to his senses and realize what he left (I am a damn fine woman!) Do I even want him to, or am I just grieving for what I though the relationship could be? And, does it get any easier....and if it does, when the hell does it?
Depression usually does indeed mean loss of libido (yes, I've been there). And the meds (Zoloft and Xanax in my case) tend to make the libido issue worse, but they can (and in my case did) save a marriage.
Obviously he needs to help himself here. I'd tell him you're ready to help him if he wants your help. But his response appears to be to run from the problem.
Thanks WittyUserName. He has refused medication and treatment, thinking he can do it himself. Added to this, I believe he is infatuated and having a long distance emotional affair with a woman he met in April at the Masters. This is just a strong suspision on my part, but the signs all point to it. And I know he will see her next weekend when he visits his sister on vacation----while the kids and I are at the beach. I don't really see this particular relationship as a serious threat---they are half a country apart---but the idea is clearly disturbing.
Right now I'm torn between moving forward and waiting patiently for him to come to his senses....one minute I want to kick his ***, and the next I'm crying like a baby.
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