I have a 2 1/2 year old son. His father, my STBX moved out right after his first birthday. I thought he would be Okay with the divorce as he was so young and wouldn't know life any differently. He now asks where he is all the time and waits by the window. His father sees him on avg. 1 x week for a few hours. Any advice? I show him pictures of his father and talk about how much he loves him but he is starting to get mad at me that his dad is always "at work." ( My son is wise beyond his years to say the least) Also, during their one visit a week he always takes him some place fun and new. Places that I can't afford as I get next to nothing in CS. I am worried that i will be seen as the "not fun" parent and that he will want to spend more time with him as he always gets to do exciting things. It just breaks my heart that what he wants to feel better ( his dad) I can not give him. Anybody else go thru this or am I making too big a deal out of it?
The hardest part of what you are going through is that you can't protect your child from finding out who is father is. The only thing you can do is not tell him things that you don't know for sure. The worst thing to do is create expectations - maybe dad will come today. Don't tell him Dad is at work. Tell him simply that you are not sure when Dad will be here, but you will try to find out.
Yes - the fun parent gets a lot of kudos. It is hard not to be jealous of it. But, trust me, when he is sick , worried, angry, happy - he will come back to that person that is safe. That is you.
But - you can't protect your son from his dad. All you can do is make it a safe landing for him when he is hurt.
So the answer is yes - we all go through this at one point. You are the safe person to be angry at - the other parent is not there and he is not sure when he will be there. That is scary stuff to a young child.
Thanks for the support. I want my son and his father to have a good relationship. I just can't make his father want to be a father and that is hard. My son says that his dad is at work because in a 2 year old mind you are either at home or at work. You are right about waiting for him when he falls I will just have to try and remind myself that I AM enough to raise a healthy, happy child.
What you want for your son and his dad is unfortunately irrelevant. If you want to parent your ex for the rest of your life, then you can try to have a say or influence.
It is the hardest thing out there to do - what your ex wants for his son and him is what is going to drive this issue.
Stay strong. People always ask how I do it. I simply tell them that nobody gave me the option not to when I got up this morning. And then forgive yourself because you will parent differently now that you are solo. Different does not mean worse or better. Just means different. So, when he is cranky - make him breakfast for dinner. Or have Burger King in bed. And then forgive yourself - he will be happier and you will move on to the next day!
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