redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 118
Loc: Boston
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OK, so - for those of you that have children, I'm sure this will sound totally trivial. But I love my dog as much as I believe anyone is able to love a pet. He's adorable, and loving and snuggly. And honestly, I'm not sure how I would have been able to get through the last month without him - let alone the million nights my stbx decided not to come home after a bender.
We were doing shared custody of the dog for a while until I found out about the adultery. Besides, it didn't really seem fair to the dog to have him shuttle back and forth between our places - he was confused and anxious. It had to stop anyway, so I took the dog full time at the start of June.
So here's my guilt again. Technically the dog is mine (I purchased him before we got married, in the eyes of the law dogs are no different than other personal property) so legally there's no issue. But I know my stbx loves this dog as much as I do - and I'm wondering if I'm keeping the dog from him as a way to punish him. I'm obviously angry and want to hurt him, and this seems to be the only thing that does that. On the other hand, it's really unhealthy to communicate with the stbx right now, and since I don't have children I can really do the no contact thing.
The thought of talking to him when I go on vacation to take the dog conjures up both longing and nauseousness. Am I just stressing about this for no reason?
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 770
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The dog is yours...kennel it for your vacation or find someone else to watch it. Why would you put yourself through contact when you do not have to?
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1855
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Kennel your dog when you go on vacation.
You do not need the continued reminders, triggers, bad feelings.
Move forwards with "sole custody and no visitation."
:-)
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redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 118
Loc: Boston
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Thanks guys, I just wanted a little confirmation that I'm not a bad person for wanting to keep the dog for myself. I appreciate it :)
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 816
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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I think in the long run it will be better for your dog too. I have a child so I know the connection to a child but I also have a dog and a cat and I love my animals dearly. In fact they were often a source of conflict between me and my stbx because he always felt they had no place in the house. My vet has indicated o me that dogs essentially have a memory of about 3 months so after that your dog won't feel any loss from disconnecting from your stbx. Yes your stbx will still have the loss but then he obviously didn't consider the consequenses of betraying you before he did it and this is YOUR dog, a possession from before the marriage so don't worry about his pain, he didn't worry about yours.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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weatherman
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/07
Posts: 1047
Loc: GA
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Ned would die for me thus I'd do the same. Ned is a female Basset Hound. Nowhere close to how I feel about my child "of course" but, ...close bond. That wierd floppy-eared dog is just too "something."
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That itch ...Could it mean dandruff?
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redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 118
Loc: Boston
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I know it! Duncan (my dog) has such a little personality on him. He makes me smile.
And thanks, Christine - that makes me feel better. He (the dog) has been a little depressed for a few weeks, hopefully he'll snap out of it soon (me too!!)
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 816
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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Red I only know that info because I had 2 dogs for a long time and they grew up together. After my stbx left the younger one was just too hyper and difficult to keep but I was concerned about separating them so I consulted the vet. That's when I found out about the memory of a dog. It made me feel better knowing that they wouldn't be pining for the rest of their lives.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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judylee
Platinum
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 299
Loc: Indiana
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My STBX always fawned over and acted like his loved our dogs but since he left, he's had very little contact with them. When he came back to talk about a week after he left, my youger dog didn't eat for two days. But since that they've been just fine. He has to stop over now and then cause I do the bookkeeping for our company and while they're happy to see him (just like they are about everyone), they don't seem to mind when he goes. I have several out of town weddings coming up and will kennel my four-legged kids.
Weatherman, I had a female Bassett Hound, Mopsie. She was the sweetest, most gentle dog in the world and was convinced (by me) that she was also the most beautiful! She passed away some years ago but I still miss her.
Hugs, Judy
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