malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1865
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If you find yourself wondering why you constantly go forward and then back to feeling bad again, then this might put a lot in perspective for you.
I've recently read something that talks about the 'Snakes and Ladders Recovery' of something traumatic like divorce.
Some people shake the dice and get to the top of the 'divorce recovery board' in four moves. Others can journey up and down the board, seemingly not making progress. Or they make big progress, only to hit a major snake and slide to the bottom again.
'Ladders' are described as counselling, relaxation, group support and antidepressants - things which can help you get to the top of the board a lot faster.
'Snakes' are described as panic, depression, alcohol & drugs, anniversaries and non-acceptance of your pain and feelings by others - the things which will drag you down and possibly even drag you down a long way.
One last thing I took out of it was not feeling the need to reach 'square 100'. Anywhere in the top row is a good place to be as we all change and adapt from the pain/experience of what we have been through.
Hope this is useful to you. It puts things in persepctive for me. The identification of 'snakes' and 'ladders' also gives you core things to focus on.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Wow, for some reason I missed this post. It's great. Help me to put things into a real perspective. Thanks for the post Malone, your the best.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1865
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[quote]
'Snakes' are described as panic, depression, alcohol & drugs, anniversaries and non-acceptance of your pain and feelings by others - the things which will drag you down and possibly even drag you down a long way. [/quote]
Thanks for the nice feedback Took. I hit my own major 'snake' over the last week. I guess it's what we all call 'the tank'. I've had to think about how I got there and this helped quite a bit to work it out.
Back out again now and I know what not to do, think about etc.
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SetterMama
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/07
Posts: 808
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
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I love this analogy - very powerful way to think about the work it takes to get over a traumatic event. I think I am one of the lucky one that had a lot of ladders in place and I am eternally gratful for that. Was this a book you read or an online piece? I would like to recommend it to a friend. It's one of the most powerful analogies I have read in a long time.
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He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~ Lau Tzu
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 664
Loc: Southern California
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Malone, I too love this analogy, though it is somewhat ironic to compare this process to a game. Aren't games supposed to be fun??!! I seem to have an equal measure of snakes and ladders, but would love to see the balance tip towards more ladders. That slide back to the bottom is pretty rough on the spirit and sometimes the climb back up the ladder is more arduous than it should be. But I'm grateful that there are ladders and that there is a way to get back up. It's just that there are some days when it feels more like a snakepit and a ladder with broken rungs. I think that I'd rather play Candyland!!
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Capsized
Bronze
Reged: 06/11/08
Posts: 40
Loc: VT
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This is also a wonderful analogy for me. I have been doing a lot of work with ladders recently. Have a great T who is helping me deal with this totally painful and sucky experience.
Some days I feel great - like I'm almost at the top of the board only to hit a snake and slide down. Hopefully I don't slide as far each time I hit a snake.
Most of my snakes hit me when I'm interacting with the stbx. Trying to keep the interaction to a minimum but its hard to do when you have 4 kids together.
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