PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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This has been the worst week since stbx left in January. Had to go through everything in house getting ready for yard sale and moving. So many triggers for memories that are now part of my past. Lots of tears. Then found out that my buyer is having problems getting her loan approved, won't have an answer until later this week. More tears and a ton of anxiety. Stbx was here all day Friday cleaning out the garage and helping get ready for yard sale. Yesterday, during the yard sale he told me that he had to leave around noon, which he hadn't told me before and I asked him where he was going and he admitted that he is dating someone and they were going to a swimming party in Malibu! I am here dismantling our life together and he is going with a woman to a pool party. I held back most of the tears until he left. I did manage to let him know that he has been procrastinating too long on filing for divorce. He paid the lawyer in January and said that he was going to file, but has done nothing since then. I told him that if he is dating, I need to have the protection of a divorce settlement, NOW!
To top off this wonderful week, my daughter, who has been too busy with her own life to help me at all, and has basically told me to get over it and stop crying, hasn't offered me any help and I found out last night that she wasn't at home because she was helping her exboyfriend/hairdresser move into his new home.
I am grateful for my friends' support, because without them , and all of you, I would be truly alone. I can't wait to get out of this house and on with my new life.
I am supposed to move on the 19th, but until my buyer's loan is approved, I am in total limbo, surrounded by boxes I have already packed and not knowing if the sale is going forward, though I do believe that it will be worked out within the next few days. If it isn't, I will have to put all of my packed things in storage and get ready to put the house back on the market. The one good thing, is that there is very little that could make me feel worse than I do right now.
Sorry to sound so whiny, but I really am in the tank.
Very Pained Patty
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Sending vibes for the loan to go through.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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{{{PP}}} How frustrating, but stay calm. You will sell this house, even if it isn't to the present buyer. It's a lovely home. You have a friend to move in with, which is
great. Your boxes are mostly packed, which is great. It will happen!!
And remember, people don't always think before they speak. Especially kids/young adults. Don't let your daughter's words get to you. No one really knows what it's like to go through a divorce unless they've been there. Seriously. Keep your chin up! You're doing great!
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Chear up PP. I feel sad that you having such depressing moments lately. I know it's tough. I've been a bit grumpy/sad lately as well (not too bad though). I hate that she was able to move on right away but you know what, it won't last and even if it does, he's going to have to deal with a very boring relationship. We'll see how he feels in 5 years when he is tired of having to initiate s3x all the time, same position, minimal physical affection, lack of encouragement, etc. PP, take your ex off that tower you've put him on. In your mind, you need to quit worshiping him and thinking about what little you lost. Look at how his true colors really have shown during the separation..........could you really trust him again?
I have best wishes for your home sale. I'm still hoping for the best with ours. We are waiting for them to come back in agreement with the terms after the home inspection. Hopefully everything will still be a go for July 21st.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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Mfergel, I don't worship him at all. I see him for who he really is, a flawed man who needs constant approval. I am feeling much more hurt by my daughter's behavior, than by his. BTW, she is not a kid, she is 41 years old, but acts like a teenager half the time. It wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't make herself available to all of her friends, 24/7. I seem to be the only one that she doesn't have time for. She is actually a widow with 2 kids, so she does know what pain and loss is. I would hope that she would have enough empathy and concern to at least understand that I am going through a very difficult time and offer some support. I believe that if her friends knew how she treats me, they would no longer believe that she walks on water. It makes me very sad. I was there for her when her husband was dying and when she moved I spent many days helping her pack. So not only do I feel abandoned by my husband, but by my daughter too. BTW, he is not her father, so this has nothing to do with taking sides in the divorce. It just makes me worry that I am not very loveable or this all wouldn't be happening to me. Now I am really wallowing in self-pity again. Got to stop that and feel proud about how much I've accomplished without very much help.
Patty
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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I'm proud of you. Your never alone. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers.
You've come a long way don't let others drag you into the tank.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Sorry to hear that PP. Sometimes when you think you can count on family you only find yourself disappointed. I guess I can't say much. If my parents called for help (granted, 1800 miles away), I don't know if I'd be there, but that's always been a strained relationship. I don't know what to tell you but be proud of what you've done and don't forget to keep doing nice things for yourself. The days will get better.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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meemster
Platinum
Reged: 06/29/07
Posts: 371
Loc: Washington
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Patty,
I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Please believe that this, too, will pass, and everything - the house, the divorce, your daughter, will settle itself in time. You have proved to yourself that you can get thru this - look how much you have accomplished so far!
You have no control over your husband's or your daughters actions, so concentrate on what you can control. Take Daisy for a walk today and with each step you take,tell yourself you are one step closer to getting thru this and starting your wonderful new life. I'll be thinking of you.
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Cari115
Platinum
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 1788
Loc: Not where I thought I'd be
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Patty things will get better. Sometimes you can count on friend more than you can on family, sad as it is. My friends have been there for me all this time. I only have my parents here and they have done all they can and more, and I don't have kids so I can't imagine what you are feeling with the way your daughter is acting. ((hugs)) Keep thinking positive.
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She's figured out all her doubts were someone else's point of view - Green Day
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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I just got off the phone with her and it was a good conversation. She told me that she can't stand to hear me so upset and I told her that if she just expressed a little support that I wouldn't be so upset. I think that she understood that so we'll see what happens. I am trying to be optimistic about everything.
Patty
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