jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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And I will add my last bit. Why? Why are you doing this? The only person responsible for your child's relationship with the in laws is your ex.
Your inlaws are going to gossip about you no matter what you do. What you are doing is parenting your ex. You have decided that your child needs to know that family - not your call - it is his. You are working around the very things you know need to be done for his dad to have visitation.
You can't make them like you. You can't change the dynamics, but you are working like crazy to have that happen. The court is NOT going to fault you for this. You are faulting yourself.
I know it is hard being a single mom - I do it with four with little breaks. But, I am watching you tear yourself up and spend money on your lawyer for something that is not your issue - it is his.
Why not say he can go as soon as his dad signs the friggin papers? Why not hold him hostage the same way he is holding you hostage?
Think about it.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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[quote]Why not say he can go as soon as his dad signs the friggin papers? Why not hold him hostage the same way he is holding you hostage? [/quote]
On I hear what you're saying. But, if I wait for stbx to sign papers, his grandparents will miss out on DS growing up. Is that fair? I have someone willing to take DS to visit with them (it's a 4 or 5 hour ride). I don't have to pay the gas or tolls. I don't have to interact with their family, and DS still gets to visit. The family likes me (some even love me) but I know stbx will be there and after everything he has put me through, I'm not ready to be around him for any extended period of time. If he were cooperating, and being reasonable things would be different. But I am so angry and frustrated with him that I can't be around him right now. Plus, I wouldn't want anyone to see me blow up at him the way he deserves.
I do think this will work out. The temp visitation is stated such that sis in law is completely responsible at all time for DS (thanks GiGi) so her ass is on the line if anything goes wrong. We're getting it notarized before we pick up DS from camp (thanks Mrpat) so everything is on the up and up.
I don't think DS will be allowed to visit in the hospital. (I checked their web site.) But, releasing DS for this visit will get the bug out of their ass about me. DS is excited to go visit everyone. i do think it will work out. I spoke to sis in law again last night, and it was a good, calm discussion. She sounds like she will do everything in her power to protect DS while he's visiting.
Life shouldn't be this hard.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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I hope everything worked out well for the visit. Let us know on Sunday when your son is returned in a timely fashion.
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**4 weeks to go**
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2105
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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[quote] I'm involved in running a singles picnic for 150 people at my church. . [/quote]
i know this is SO off topic.
sorry...
you go to a church that has a singles group with 150 people????
i can find one that has 15!
well..unless it's a group of under 25 year olds....
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taryn.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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The picnic is for singles and single parents with their kids. So, with the kids and singles 25 and up, it's about 150 people. It's a BIG church. 3000 people attend each weekend.
So far so good. sis in law picked up DS yesterday and that went really civilly and smoothly. DS called me last night. He misses me, but I know he's having fun. This is the first time he's stayed anywhere overnight without me in 15 months, so he's just not used to it. I'm sure he'll be checking in regularly.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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Ok, Germangirl. We want a post when your son gets back safely.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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MY SON IS HOME!!! Safe and sound. I'm not thrilled with what I heard, though.
He lit firecrackers and fireworks with a cigarette lighter and cigarettes (is this OK for a 7yo boy?)
He couldn't stay in the bedroom with his dad because stbx's "friend" Jenn was in there with him. Hmmm. This is news to me.
STBX lives in a big house with a backyard.
STBX got into a huge argument with sis in law because
sis in law was taking DS and her son out for ice cream
without consulting with HIM first. (this wasn't HIS visit,
it was a visit specifically with sis in law, as the agreement stated) Sis in law tried to buffer it from DS. She really did the best she could. She says she's "done" with my STBX.
Stbx took DS Saturday night by himself to a carnival. Sis in law didn't go because she was too upset with stbx. At least I'm not the only one who thinks he's an ass.
DS had fun. He is safe. I'm glad I let him go. I just wish stbx lived in the real world and not his personal daydream.
Edited by germangirl631 (07/06/08 08:53 PM)
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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OK - but do you see that she violated your agreement? Whether or not she is "done" with him, she specifically stated she would be with him all the time and then left him with your ex.
This alone is what you should remember next time they ask.
I am glad he is home safe.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ
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I do realize she violated the agreement. My stbx nearly broke her car window when she was taking DS out for ice cream. I fell into the same avoidance routine with him when married to him because he is so controlling and tends to explode at the stupidest things. I'm not sticking up for her by any means, but I can understand where she's coming from. And, I'm thankful she brought DS home when she said she would.
I have to think long and hard whether I let her take DS again.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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I would. Because I can guarantee his lawyer will use that visit in court. He will portray you as a control freak. He will show that he had him overnight for days and nothing happened.
He will argue that the same thing can happen to allow overnights with the x.
Although it will be tension raising, I would document with a notarized letter the various violations of the agreement so that you have that for court and for your justification of not doing it again.
It is hard - your son did have fun. You felt it was important, but unfortunately, you also set precedent for more visits and alone time.
How was the grandfather?
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