Dadofthree
New
Reged: 06/07/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Nor Cal
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I feel so down this weekend even though my 10 yo son and my 18 yo daughter are here. 16 yo is with stbx wife, really missing them. She thinks I'm spreading rumors and telling lies about her. The only thing I have done is stop protecting her from what she has done when others ask. She tells the kids that I am lying to them, I am not but I have told the 16 yo too much.
She's fighting the sale of the house, so I expect it will end up with the bank. She doesn't think I love her, i guess because I just don't roll over and die. She thinks I'm turning the kids against her... I'm just standing up for our marriage, no I do not want the divorce. I think we could work things out...
I'm just down, feel empty, unmotivated... the pain is so great. I wish I could do things right in all this... I just suck at being dumped, at watching 20 years go down the drain... thank God for the kids, they are great kids. I don't want them to turn out like us.
Why do I still get so down? I cried in front of my 18 yo... yes I'm a guy. I guess I need to grieve the loss of my mate. I know I'll get through this but it is so confusing and painful.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3234
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First, you need to stop telling your children too much. This includes the 18 year old. I suggest that you apologize to your 16 year old for talking too much about the divorce. It's okay to admit to your child that you are human and make mistakes.
Second, a no contact (with kids, it is limited contact about the kids only)rule is a lifesaver. If the conversation strays from the kids, end it.
Have you considered therapy to help you deal with what is going on?
Sorry that you are having such a rough week-end.
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 307
Loc: New Hampshire
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Yes. It is VERY rough what you're going through. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, it will seem like a mistake.
The best I can think of is to try to always work from a place of love. This does NOT mean giving her everything she wants. It DOES mean loving yourself and your children.
There are worse things to do than to let your child see you cry. That was honest and not meant to be manipulating.
You love and forgive others. Love and forgive yourself as well. That could be the best example you can give to your children.
Good luck, Dad.
Tom
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So much to forget...
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Dadofthree
New
Reged: 06/07/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Nor Cal
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Yes, I have told them I am sorry for telling them too much. But I also don't want them to follow us... But I need to give them positive examples. For some reason I find myself using our bad example.
The no contact rule... I know I do better with no contact but I don't just want to sit by and watch my marriage die. Perhaps I don't have a choice on that... I've been really torn, yes there has been contact recently. I've got to get the house on the market... so there has to be some contact. Hopefully my attorney with have an answer from her's. Thanks for letting me vent.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3057
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Hi dad, I think it's okay to talk to your kids, it's better than pretending everything is great in your world right now. Just because you are a man, you can't break down? That's crazy! Personally, I think you are an incredible role model for your kids...it's real and it hurts...and it will get better!
Smokey skies again here, what about you?
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 818
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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Dad I agree. It hurts like hell and opening up at least some of your emotions to your kids lets them see that you are human and that you do feel and didn't want this. If it is too much I think they will tell you. I know my daughter told me that I was crying too much in front of her and now I know that it distresses her so I don't share that with her if I can help it. Best of all as you get stronger and you become a well adjusted happy person again weather it is with your wife or single or with someone else it will show your kids that they will also survive when bad things happen in life. I hope when all is said and done that is what I will teach my daughter.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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