boobaby
Platinum
Reged: 05/01/07
Posts: 296
Loc: mass
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Patti,
I understand what you mean about your daughter. I have two daughters, ( 21 and 23) and sometimes I wished that they were more supportive of me. But then I realize that they really have no idea what I am going thru or the scope of devastation that is involved in divorce. So I let it roll off my shoulders and try to not let it bother me. After all they really have no idea what this is like. My oldest daughter did express to me in the beginning that she did not like to see me crying all the time so that may have been why she was not there for me as much as I wished. It sounds like your daughter was feeling the same way. I guess our children always look at us as the strong ones in the family and when they see us breaking down they don't know how to react. I'm glad you had a good conversation with your daughter and I hope things work out well for you. Take Care.
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 307
Loc: New Hampshire
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My "kids" are 20, 23, and 25. Each has said something that can be construed as "support." None have "taken me under their wing." Nor, would I expect any of them.
Kids are SUPPOSED to take their parents for granted. I figure that's the way it should be until they reach 35 or 40 or so. By then, many have an idea what it's like to care for someone else and how life is put together.
Until then, they have too much self-exploration to do.
But, just a short sentence like, "I think Mom's being selfish about this." unprompted, goes a LONG way towards making me feel better. If that's all the "support" I get I will still count myself very fortunate.
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So much to forget...
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3057
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Patty, you are doing a fantastic job taking reponsibility of the house and all the stuff you have had to do. Dang Girl, you are doing better than great! You will get through this. The daughter will come around, it's hard when Mom breaks down..they are kind of at a loss, so it's easier for them to turn away. She'll come around!
Hang in there!!
Love, Mel
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 818
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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Patty I am so sorry that you are having all this pain at once. I am still praying for your house sale to go through because once you get over that hurdle and get into your new place you will feel stronger , more able to deal with all this other crap coming your way. ((((huggs)))))
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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Thanks for the hugs and the support. I think that you are absolutely right that if the house situation gets resolved, the rest will be much easier. I know that you are trying to sell your house too and it is unbelievably stressful. I only have one last obstacle, but it is a big one. If that is cleared up this week, then I will be much more able to cope with everything else.
Patty
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judylee
Platinum
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 299
Loc: Indiana
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Patty,
I haven't posted forever but have been lurking now and then. I'm praying the buyer obtains the loan tomorrow! What an awful snafu at such a late date.
My husband, much like yours, left last October three days after my daughter's wedding. He slithered out without a word until he told me on the phone that he just didn't think we were going to make it (after 20 years together). He too has a constant need for admiration and approval. I had been pretty disillusioned the past couple years but would never have left him the way he did me. He denied and denied, swore to my daughter and sister there was no one else, didn't want the divorce, etc. I have since found he not only has someone else but has been living with her from the day he left. What a loser. He's not tried to have a relationship with my chilren or grandchildren, all of whom I thought he loved and cared for. They're all very hurt too. The jerk has the nerve to still tell me he doesn't wan a divorce. If he doesn't, I'm sure it's because the hedious bar [censored] he's with will press him for marriage.
Patty, if you don't mind telling, why don't you just go ahead and file? I did within a month of his leaving because I was scared to death about financial matters and needed to know what to do to protect myself. I do the bookkeeping for his company and haven't had a job other than that for the past eight years. Had I left it to him, I'm sure I'd be even deeper in limbo than I am right now. We just took him to court to get an order for him to produce documents and financial disclosure so hopefully things might be settled fairly soon.
Hang in there...you have a lot of people thinking of and praying for you!
Hugs, Judy
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 663
Loc: Southern California
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Thanks Judy, the problem is that he insisted on getting an attorney, whom we met with back in February and paid him for the divorce. He can't represent both of us, but will work with us to craft the settlement agreement. We should be meeting with him next week and then my part will basically be done, except for meeting with my attorney on a consultant basis to sign off on the agreement. There really should be no problems as he is more than willing to give me the financial support that I will need. Guilt does wonders you know!!
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emsgirl
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Illinois
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(((HUGS)))
The yo yo of emotions going through a divorce do suck.
You will come out in the end a stronger woman though.
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Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them!
www.myspace.com/emsgirl538
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Clementine
Platinum
Reged: 10/07/07
Posts: 508
Loc: East Coast USA
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Ouch! That is too much to deal with! I'm in the tank too as are a lot of the bunch here it seems, lately. Oh - keep swimming Patty - before long you will be in your new home & things will be looking up I hope.
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The way I see it..If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain... d.parton
Love, Clem
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Good Morning Patty,
I'm in the same boat as everyone else here,hate to see you so hurt. I completely understand the pain in regards to your daughter. X's we expect the unexpected. But with our children we deserve and would love some compassion from them. But it seems as though sometimes that is where we find the least comfort.
Going through similar incidents with my older children, I can't help but wonder if that it their way of protecting themselves.
Here we are as Mother's has always been the back bone, the strength, the courageous one in the family. And with divorce causing us so much pain, is it possible that our children see this as a sign of weakness? Could it scare them to the point that they more or less shun us? Waiting for their own nightmare to end. To wake up and have that tough, self assured mother they have always depend on.
life is so unfair. You spend years and years of your life building it around your family, just to awaken one morning and it's all in disarray.
Moving in itself is hard enough without all the other drama you are dealing with. But smile my Sweet, God is on his way. Everything is going to be fine. Your a lovely lady.
You deserve much better. This too shall pass.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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