pandakat
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Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 12
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Just kinda looking for advice here. Currently my ex takes my youngest daughter (4) three weekends a month and has her Friday evening to Monday afternoon and he sees my older daughter (7) once a month by his choice cause he adopted her so he doesnt consider her fully his. my youngest will be starting school this year and my oldest is already in school.
He is seeking joint physical custody of only my youngest. We love an hour apart. How likely is he to get joint physical. It is causing issues emotionally with my oldest daughter because he doesnt see her as much as my youngest. I dont want them to be split anymore than they already are. Any advice???
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Jada
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Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3354
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[quote]Just kinda looking for advice here. Currently my ex takes my youngest daughter (4) three weekends a month and has her Friday evening to Monday afternoon and he sees my older daughter (7) once a month by his choice cause he adopted her so he doesnt consider her fully his. my youngest will be starting school this year and my oldest is already in school.
He is seeking joint physical custody of only my youngest. We love an hour apart. How likely is he to get joint physical. It is causing issues emotionally with my oldest daughter because he doesnt see her as much as my youngest. I dont want them to be split anymore than they already are. Any advice??? [/quote]
I would make it clear that it is a package deal. He is going to have the same parenting time with both kids. If he doesn't take one, he doesn't take the other.
There isn't a judge that will order young children to have a different parenting plan unless you are talking about infants and an older child. But that is not your case.
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pandakat
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Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 12
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Thats exactly what Im trying to make clear the thing is if I force him to take one so he can see the other he is going to treat my oldest badly (the reason I left in the first place) when he brought them back Monday he comlpained about how bad and isolated my oldest was. shes been very withdrawn since my youngest told her that daddy only wanted her to live with him and she was supposed to tell the councelor that. she doesnt understand why she isnt wanted. I dont want him to not see the kids but I dont want my oldest to feel unwanted and depressed.
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Jada
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Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3354
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[quote]Thats exactly what Im trying to make clear the thing is if I force him to take one so he can see the other he is going to treat my oldest badly (the reason I left in the first place) when he brought them back Monday he comlpained about how bad and isolated my oldest was. shes been very withdrawn since my youngest told her that daddy only wanted her to live with him and she was supposed to tell the councelor that. she doesnt understand why she isnt wanted. I dont want him to not see the kids but I dont want my oldest to feel unwanted and depressed. [/quote]
Tell your attorney about this. And go from there. I would do my best to limit the contact between your stbx and both kids. What he is doing is abuse. You probably won't be able to get supervised visits. But you can minimize the separation between your kids.
The courts aren't going to separate siblings that young. It's not in their best interest.
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theanswerguy
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Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2191
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You live an hour apart . Who created the distance ?
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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theanswerguy
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Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2191
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I would do my best to limit the contact between your stbx and both kids. What he is doing is abuse. You probably won't be able to get supervised visits. But you can minimize the separation between your kids.
>>>>>>>> What on Earth makes you advise people to choose THE MOST CONTENTIOUS METHOD to deal with every situation ?
The courts aren't going to separate siblings that young. It's not in their best interest.
>>>>>>>>> They are half-siblings .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Nish
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Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1305
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They may be "1/2 siblings", but he adopted the 7 year old and as far as I am concerned, that makes her his daughter. Unless you are saying she isn't as equal as his biological daugther is. Just wondering if you missed that fact that he adopted the 7 year old.
I certainly don't feel it is fair that the adopted child be made to feel like she isn't as loved as her sibling. That is not only sad, but cruel. The time for him to have decided how he was going to feel about this child was before he adopted her.
Before you jump all over me, I adopted a child with my 2nd husband. We had spent 5 1/2 years doing infertility treatments, with lots of money and 3 miscarriages. We decided it wasn't going to happen for us. We adopted a lovely 8 year old, who was actually related to me. Her Mom was my 1st counsin and had died when her daughter was 5 years old. She was being raised by her grandparents, my aunt and uncle.
We ended up discovering just as we got started with the adoption process that I was pregnant. We discussed if we should go forward with the adoption, and we both said "We have enough love for 2 children."
Once she joined our family, I never thought of her as anything more than our daughter. She had our name and our son, was her brother.
When my former husband died, she was entitled to 1/2 his estate, as she is considered by law, to be a legal heir.
This 7 year old is entitled to the same consideration and love and attention, as her 4 year old sister. He adopted her and by doing so, said "She is my daughter." He doesn't get to change his mind now and just claim his biological daughter is his true child.
I agree with Jada. By his adopting the 7 year old, he made it a package deal, and he doesn't get to pick and choose now.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2191
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I'd recommend that you stress to your STBX that things need to be equal for both kids for their emotional development & well-being ( the situation is not their fault ). 3 weekends/month may be too much .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2191
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Perhaps you should read all my replies before commenting .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3354
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[quote]
>>>>>>>> What on Earth makes you advise people to choose THE MOST CONTENTIOUS METHOD to deal with every situation ?
>>>>>>>>> They are half-siblings . [/quote]
Reading comprehension is really a good thing.
Her stbx LEGALLY ADOPTED her daughter from a previous relationship.
They are SIBLINGS, the fact that the biological father is different is irrelevant, LEGALLY they are FULL SIBLINGS. The so called father is clearly, from the original posters posts, playing favorites. Which is emotionally abusing BOTH children.
If he didn't want the responsibility of being a father to the oldest child, he shouldn't have adopted her. But he did. And now he is showing his true colors. He's a lousy father for doing what he is going and will only damage both children.
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