comatose heart
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 5
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Background: married 5 years, i child, 4 years old. yes, i married him b/c I was pregnant....but he had already asked me before we found out I was pregnant. We had been together on/off for 5 years dating and had been broken up for about 4-5 months b/c he had cheated on me with someone from work. He told me he regretted in and it was a mistake, but I broke it off anyway. He kept coming around and we eventually started to date again, and then BAM -- pregnant. So...we have had some good times and some bad times, in the last year or so mostly bad times. I had post pardum depression pretty bad and mourned the loss of my old life a lot after our son was born, but eventually snapped out of it and we were okay for a while. Now I think he is the one who is depressed. He hates his job, but feels trapped with no options out. He has been tired and cranky and on a short fuse, picking at me constantly until i feel horrible all the time. Just today he was storming about the house on a rampage and started screaming that he just doesn't want to be alive anymore and that he thinks about killing himself every day--what would be the easiest way, what would hurt the least, etc...then he stomped outside and cried on the back porch. He came back in, got in the shower, dressed for work and left. He just called me on the phone and told me he feels really bad that he said all of those things in front of our son. I agreed, but told him that I think (as I have said many times) that he/we need to go talk to somebody and that maybe he might need to have some antidepressants....he is so unreceptive to the idea, i don't know what else to do. I feel like I am on a sinking ship here, and have recently been tempted myself to have sort of an emotional affair....I guess I just feel like there is only so much I can do for someone who doesn't want help or to help themselves...but now that he has mentioned suicide I am scared for his life. What do I do now? do I rat him out to a therapist even though he doesn't want help? tell his parents? any advice welcome, sorry for the ramble, I am a little freaked. I feel selfish but this is breaking me down too.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1413
Loc: Richmond, VA
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May not be looking for help but looking for understanding. You mention he doesn't like his job. Have you thanked him for staying at his job, providing for the family, offering a financially stable home? So many people up and quit their jobs the minute they are unhappy with them. No, it won't make him like it but it will make him feel appreciated. How you asked him about getting help (and when) might yield different results. I'm on medication myself. If my ex had come to me, maybe as we are laying in bed together or during a relaxing moment and said "I'm worried about you. I love you very much. I think your health might be in jepordy. Let's go together and make sure you aren't suffering from depression. I'll stand by you regardless of the outcome."
My therapist mentioned that talking about suicide isn't a bad thing necessarily unless you are imagining yourself dead.
It may be that right now he needs empathy, not sympathy.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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comatose heart
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 5
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the thing about his job is that I have told him he can quit an dfind something else many times, and we have discussed it at length--but he can't think of a single job that would make him happy, doesn't want to go back to school. I am starting to feel like me offering to help or allowing him to quit his job is only making it worse b/c it takes way the ability to blame it on me/family commitment and he has to start to point the finger at himself which is just too much for him. I do take him seriously when he said he doesn't want to be alive anymore, and said how quickly I would probably get over since I am not happy....i told him of course that is ridiculous...i am just worried now. I don't know if this is my cue to tell someone who can help him. I don't want to assume that he is just "down" or just talking smack and find ou tthe hard way I was wrong.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3320
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How old is your husband?
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comatose heart
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 5
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he is 34...
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3320
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The reason I asked is that sometimes mental illness doesn't happen until the mid-20s. My brother's break was then.
You need to be careful, he's a danger to himself and to you. I would contact a therapist and see what you can do about having him admitted into a psychiatric hospital to get him evaluated and see what is going on. And to get him treatment. Because without treatment, he's not going to get better.
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comatose heart
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 5
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it just feels like such a betrayal to go behind his back to someone....he is going to be soooo mad. I am really worried though.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3320
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Quote:
it just feels like such a betrayal to go behind his back to someone....he is going to be soooo mad. I am really worried though.
How will you feel if you or your child gets hurt by him? Right now, in the mental state he is in, he is a danger to himself and possibly others.
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