needadviceMS
New
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 20
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As I have stated before, my husband has full sole physical custody and joint legal of his two kids for almost 5 years. I had also asked about requesting a psych evaluation for the ex as well.
Since we told her we wanted as little contact as possible, she has decided to make contact pretty much everyday and sometimes several times a day. We are hoping that when she takes the kids on vacation next week, she will get some of this out of her system.
Ok - we have tons of stuff on her as far as morally unfit, alcoholic, inappropriate video of one of the kids, etc. Most recent thing was that the son (atypical autistic) came home from a visit this week saying that his mother made fun of his tics and offered to buy him a violent video game if he stopped.
School is coming up, so is the son's neurologist appointment. The doctors are going to screen the son for additional disorders, try treat some symptoms, and screen for genetic causes - or to see if this fetal alcohol effects. Now, it is going to be a problem if in her new in-your-face way means showing up to that appointment.
So, can we ask for temporary full legal custody - say 60 days, to get school started and have more testing done on the kids while she busies herself with getting a psych eval? We also are working on getting her to pay back child support. How quickly could we get a modification?
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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Breathe.
On the daily contact - NO ONE is going to stop that. You can control it by limiting the phone. Put the answering machine on so that you can't hear who is calling and screen calls. Once a day is reasonable as long as it is convenient for you.
On the doctors appointments, your only LEGAL obligation is to tell her about them and the results. If she shows up, simply have your custody papers with you. Explain calmly to the doctor and receptionist that you welcome her involvement with your child but that her coming in the room will be disruptive for all. Ask that they keep her in the waiting room and then if (and only if) they have time, explain the results to her and answer questions. However, stress that you are going to give her all information, just not at the exact moment you are getting it because you want this to be calm for your son.
There is no need for the temporary order, you are already well within your legal rights to limit her access to her visitation times only. The only places that she can be at outside of those times are public places. The exam room at a doctors office is not public, so you legally can just say - no, you may not be here.
The only thing I can recommend is that if you think or know ahead of time, call to discuss it with the staff so that there is not a scene. My dr was phenomenal about this.
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Highroad
Bronze
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 45
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You cannot request a psych evaluation, but dad can. If you’re doing this just to keep her away for a while, it’s a bad tactic. Its not wise to tell an NCP you want as little contact as possible when the courts want the CP to encourage NCPs involvement.
None of what you are trying to do will prevent her from contacting dad as she can pick up the phone. Even if he gets legal custody, which I know he wont, he makes all the final decisions, but it will still not prevent her from contacting. Only a court order would, and it would not be by modifying the legal custody. You could try to get the order modified to limit her calling to a schedule. Dad needs to be prepared with a CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE of the child to get legal custody, because that’s what warrants a change. So I think you are wasting your time going to court with this.
If she wants to be sooo involved, dad should meet her half way. Let her take the kids to some of the appointments, help them register for school. Maybe she will back off. Its worth a try and its good for co-parenting. I know YOU don’t want her around, but give her a chance to better her parenting skills and be involved, then she may not be such a headache to you. But remember, this will be apart of your marriage and life for a long time.
You can ask the court for anything, but in this case, I just don’t think you would get it, unless the judge is an over-involved stepmom trying to shut out her hubbys ex.
My advice, you don’t have to answer the phone, or open the door when its not her time to visit, but I would expect things to get worse. The court will not rush to a hearing for something like this. It doesn’t appear the kids were harmed or in danger. File for a modification and wait for your day in court if you choose to file.
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needadviceMS
New
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 20
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Ummm, it hasn't been me trying to keep her out. Actually I have tons of emails I have sent her over the past year trying to get her involved. We even invited her on our family vacation last month. Back in November - the custodial father, his parents, her parents, and her - all sat down and had a huge meeting over her inappropriate behavior with the kids and online. Everyone insisted she attend parenting classes. She finally did - after three months of prodding.
The part that we (father, father's mother, myself, and counselors) are concerned about as far as her being involved is that a) she sheds no light on the situation because she doesn't really know the kids b) her mother is making her c) she isn't capable of cooperating with what any professional says to do. We created a private family site with a calendar and all the doctors names - it has caused nothing but for her to complain. So I would say that the 8 months we have given her has been ample time to change her ways.
As for her backing off, it is kind of why we gave her a couple of extra overnights and a weeks vacation this month. We may luck out and she will have had her fill - and go back to partying.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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I would talk to a lawer about the deal. I would ask if you can get a emergancy hearing for temporary modification. Not sure you will get it. Here is the deal with the doctor that I have found and am going to try and fix in my own case. When you have a situation were the care of a child regaurdless of visitation requires the ability of the parents to get along and co-parent on a level much greater then most it is imparitive that both be able to talk to the doctor at the same time. If you can't then you can't co-parent and it does the child no good. I believe it becomes in the best interest of the child to only have one parent make medical dessisions and medical care. If that means suppervised visits so be it.
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needadviceMS
New
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 20
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As the custody paperwork reads - there is nothing specified about what to do when the father and mother disagree. That is part of the problem. There are serious issues - to medicate or not, to hold a child back a year, counseling, a neurologist, a psychiatrist and LOTS of school meetings. The last IEP meetings had over 6 people from the district in attendance.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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If there's nothing specific about how to handle disagreements then you get to go to court to resolve them. This is as per design in joint legal custody. In a normal divorce, you make a few visits and eventually come to the understanding better to compromise than to go to court and be subject arbitrary rulings that work for no one. Unfortunately yours does not sound like a normal divorce.
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