catmandu67
New
Reged: 07/10/08
Posts: 2
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I am a 40 year old woman. I have two daughters, ages 10 & 11. I filed for divorce on July 31, 2007. It is July 10, 2008 and we are still married. I moved out of our marital home on 7-1-08, into a condominium rental. I have a roommate, for economic purposes. The roommate is a male friend. His daughter is friends w/ my 10 year old and they were in the same 4th grade class at school last year. My STBX has stated that because I have a male roommate he is going to fight me for full custody. He doesn't support the "white trash" way of living. Setting a disgusting example for our daughters...etc... During our 13 year marriage he has verbally, emotionally and eventually physically abused me. When he physically choked me last 7-30-07 I filed a domestic violence charge and emergency restraining order. He choked me while our daughter was in bed with me. The emergency restraining order was issued, he did not fight it. He was out of the marital home for 8 weeks. He is very emotionally unstable, controlling, angry, prejudiced & difficult to deal with. He was fired from his employer in 02-08 so I remained in the marital home, stating when he found a job I would move out. When he didn't find a job after four months and our relationship was was becoming uncivl I made the decision to move out. We agreed on everything but custody of our daughters. I agreed to waive alimony. He began working two weeks ago. He has not provided any financial support. I don't want it. I have a roommate to help keep my finances in check. My attorney has stated that he thinks it would be better if my roommate moved out. Please, a response ASAP is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1237
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Your lawer is right in that it would be easier. First does it say anything in the orders about male friends staying over night, roommates or anything about over night guest? Next do you share the bed room? If not can you prove it? Is there anything that would help show you are just roommates? If you can't proove that it isn't just a roommate I would say things need to change.
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catmandu67
New
Reged: 07/10/08
Posts: 2
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Thank you for your reply. There is no temporary custody agreement. There is one in the works. That agreement has in it stipulated that no person(s) of the opposite sex shall spend the night at the residence where our daughters are. However, for financial reasons I chose to have a roommate. He sleeps on the couch, there is a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. When my daughters are over, his daughter is over. Our two 10 year olds share a room and my 11 year old has her own room. She actually sleeps with me. She doesn't have a bed in her room yet. Waiting to acquire one after next months rent is paid. As for roommate proof, he keeps his pillow and blanket in a closet. I don't know what else to use as proof. Why would I have to provide proof? My daughter's have been spoken with about my financial responsibility and why I have a roommate and they understand it. They would rather I made more money in order to live on my own but they also like the ability to have the "extra's" that a roommate enables.
Thank you again for replying.....
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1237
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[quote]agreement has in it stipulated that no person(s) of the opposite sex shall spend the night at the residence where our daughters are. [/quote]
There is your answer. You are in vilation of the pending order and once it is signed you will be in contempt. The only way you going to get out of it is if your STBX will agree with you but why would he the courts will be on his side.
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kris_fla
Silver
Reged: 07/01/08
Posts: 70
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I have to agree w/ chatterbox. The judge is most likely not going to believe that he's "sleeping on the couch". Your STBX is very angry and he has every intention of taking that anger out on you. First, even if you have to move into a one bedroom apt., and you sleep on the couch and the girls take the room, you need to do that. You need to collect every bit of documented proof of your STBX's temper and illegal activities (show a pattern of behavior),if he kept consistent employment during the marriage and made decent money...pull every income tax return and bank statement you can find to show that he can keep a job and get a job that pays well b/c I guarantee he's going to cry poor in court and state that he can't keep a job. I would turn down nothing! Trust me, my eldest's dad (HS Sweetheart, never married), Fla tried to raise his CS from $235.00 a month to $1400 a month (they had severely slacked in keeping up w/him in a 10 year period), all those years of me struggling, moving every 8 mos. b/c I couldn't afford the rent, never knowing that he was making 6 figures. He came to me and cried, begged, pleaded, promised he wanted to be in our daughter's life, blah, blah, blah. I gave in knowing how desperate my daughter was to have a relationship w/ her dad, signed a paper taking it out of the state's hands and agreed to $700 a month via a personal atty. Did he see her after that???? NOPE. Do I regret my decision, no...if I would have let the state stick it to him, he would have blamed me for his lack of participation and she would have too, by doing what I did, she saw her dad for what he really was. I know, TMI...what I mean is, do what you have to do NOW to protect and take care of your girls, put any emotional weaknesses aside.
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Seize the day. Remember all of those women on the Titanic who waved off the desert cart. E. Bombeck
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3214
Loc: Florida
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Heck, I don't even believe that as a roommate "he's sleeping on the couch"...Why would anyone want to pay a portion of rent to sleep on the couch? Especially when there are 3 bedrooms. Sorry, it's just not believable.
You need to look at getting a female roommate, if you need someone to help with bills.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Agreed, your story might be completely true but it is not believable. Your lawyer is right, under these circumstances, you need to change your living situation.
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