linds22
New
Reged: 08/19/06
Posts: 11
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my son is 19 months old. i lived with his father in georgia for 6 months after he was born then moved to washington. he has had no contact with my son for the last year and then moved here about 2 mopnths ago. he has visitation 2 hours on tues nights and then alternating weeks of 2 hours friday and 5 hours sat. we go back to court for the next visitation schedule next friday and it sounds like overnights will be considered. am i the only one that thinks this is ridiculous? my son went from a happy, well adjusted child to a nervous clingy, scared kid after 1 week of visits with his father. everytime i leave his sight he comes running after me yelling mommy don't go. this never happened before these visits. he yells and screams each time my ex picks him up and i'm left standing in my doorway watching him drive away crying in the backseat. i cannot fathum any judge granting overnight visits when he obviously doesn't have a strong relationship with his father at this point. i would be willing to accept longer visit times but vehemently oppose overnights. he's already stopped sleeping through the night and wakes up crying for me. sometimes i think it would have been better to suffer through like with the a$$hole than put my child through this. I left him though, because of the way he was treating our son. it began to boarder on abusse and i was not willing to wait around until it crossed that line. i feel at a complete loss as to what to do to stop what seems to be inevitable. i cannot see allowing a 19 month old to spend the night anywhere other than his own room, let alone with my ex who he doesn;t recognize any better than someone off the street. any advice of experience with this age child and visitation schedules in wa would be greatly appreciated.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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Washington is usually a cookie cutter state. Everyother weekend, one night a week, every other holidays, and a couple of weeks in the summer.
I am sorry to say but you are going to have to get over the overnight thing. In Washington they will not feel the same as you especially if he is paying support. They will probably not give him more than that but they should give him that unless you can prove he did something wrong, but it you try and fail to it will come back on you hard so I wouldn't try it.
As I advised on the other post. Try not to fight it so much and try to accept it I bet you will make a great team.
Don't automatically assume he can not be a good parent just because he is a Dad. There are some of us great Dads out here.
I know it is scary at first but once your son comes back safely you will get used to it and you will probably ask him to take him more so you can go out and play with your new freinds kidless. Hang in there you and him will do OK.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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linds22
New
Reged: 08/19/06
Posts: 11
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the point is, he doesn't come back safely. he's already brought him back injured three times, one we had a trip to the er to check for a cuncussion after a fall off the playground equipment. he doesn't watch him when he's supposed to be the adult. he thinks my son will let him know when he's doing something that isn't safe. he's 19 months old!!! I could deal with him having a relationship if i knew it wasn't physically dangerous for my son. so stop trying to tell me to relax and go with it and it'll be easier.
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linds22
New
Reged: 08/19/06
Posts: 11
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i went back and read your original post on this forum, the first one you made quite a few months ago. I read every reply and couldn't help noticing your pain, frustration and hurt. What i also noticed was how supportive everyone was of you. you made the statement that you hoped to get through your issues someday and be able to help someone else like those people helped you. well, you're not. i am 24 and trying to do what's best for my son. i was engaged and in love with my now ex. the way he treated our son, not me, is the reason i'm no longer with him. you talked a lot about how you felt when you found out your wife had taken up with your best friend. try realizing that your son's father doesn't care about him, resents him, and tries to hurt him. I feel cheated just as much as you did. I was supposed to be married and living happily ever after right now. but i'm not. I'm scared for what will happen to my son, i'm scared i won't be able to repair the damage he will inevvitably do to him, and all you can say is that he deserves overnights because he's the biological father. go back and read your posts. I'd like advice from the person you were then
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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linds22,
I do appreciate you taking time to figure me out. I do respect that. I can only give advice or support on what is written. I am sorry if you don't agree with me. I did not mean to insult you. I just got screwed and continued to get screwed over and over simply because I am a man.
Now in your post you said he left the 4 month old in the tub. That is a bonehead manuever, but we all do that once in a while. Then you recieved some posts you didn't like, and then you spouted all of this other stuff. We can only reply to what we have read. We weren't privy to the other stuff. The way I read the post was that the Dad followed his son across state lines.
I am sorry if you don't like my response, but for the most part I believe that a Dad is as good of a parent as a Mom and overnights shouldn't be an issue.
I also believe if you tell the judge the stuff you wrote he won't side with you. Again I am not trying to insult you, but the judge for the most part is not going to listen to your stories without proof. Now maybe you have proof and didn't post that in which case you might have a case, but again I can only go on what you've written.
I really do admire you for trying to learn more about me before condeming me. I do have to stand by my origional post based on what was written. I am sorry if that offends you because that really isn't the what I was trying to do.
I think this site is good, because when we post we get what we want and sometimes what we don't want, but generally it makes us think of all sides.
I will try and soften my replies to you in the future. But please don't condemn this site, because you don't agree with me. This site will help you. As BBallmom says you need to take what you can out of this site, and throw what you don't need away.
Stay here and post I promise it will help you.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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LaCelia
Gold
Reged: 08/12/06
Posts: 113
Loc: Seattle, WA
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I agree whole-heartedly with you. His visitations should be with a third, neutral party present to supervise. These visitations should be gradual as well. You wouldn't dream of dropping your child off at a daycare center without spending sometime there with your child, to get acquainted. Why would you just let your child go with someone that he doesn't even know for even a few hours...very traumatic for him and more for you (you know what he is about)! You imagine that he would be able to understand this, especially with how the little guy keeps crying. If I were you, I would take this back into court, along with your evidence of injuries. He is not even two-years old yet! There is, under no circumstance, a single instance, where your son can be left to 'tell him when he needs something'. That is neglect. My STBX wants nothing to do with the kids and that hurts me, b/c I see the hurt in our 9yo DD. Well-adjusted kids can come from all types of homes, but the kids of divorce, generally tend to do better, if both parents are around and involved (assuming that both parents are well-adjusted adults...not leaving-toddlers-to-fend-for-themselves-type).
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He went to the Middle East and come back a Beast!
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