makingit
Silver
Reged: 12/09/07
Posts: 87
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OK - X left about a year ago - divorce has been final a few weeks. I was with my x since I was 13 - so I have never dated, but I am now - too much dating, actually.
Guy #1 : went out for a while but he wanted it to be too serious and I wasn't ready for that - so he backed out.
Guy #2: Went out with and ended it right away ( It was hard for me to just say no to a 2nd date, but I was proud of myself for doing so.)
At this point I joined e-harmony:
Guy #3 He is nice - we had dinner - we've talked on the phone for long periods - but I am not feeling sparks. Do I end it, or give it time for more to develop?
Guy #4 is an old friend - we have gone out twice - really nice - not sure if it is just a friend thing (which is really what I want it to be) but I think he wants it to be more. What to do?
Guy #4 and #5 - e-harmony men - talked on phone and about to go on dates with. - unsure of feelings at the moment.
Guy #6 - e-mailed with and a friend is setting me up with. Who knows about him.
Guy #7 - long distance guy IM'ing me every night.
See why I am overwhelmed. I can't keep them straight. People keep telling me to enjoy myself - but it feels like I am cheating when I am kind of talking to all these men. I certainly don't have an exclusive relationship with any of them, but I just can't figure out what I am feeling. Will I just know it when I find someone I really like? or should I expect for that feeling to grow? Help!
Edited by makingit (08/02/08 11:39 PM)
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 944
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Same thing happened to me. I have zero now. They eliminate themselves.
Edited by juliacinaz (08/03/08 03:05 AM)
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3267
Loc: Florida
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Back when I was dating, it seemed like it was either pouring men or a drought...
Take your time and don't feel obligated to go out with any of them, nothing wrong with keeping things casual and talking.
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 461
Loc: New Hampshire
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>Will I just know it when I find someone I really like?
I don't know how you could with so much happening in your social sphere.
It sounds like you're telling yourself that you need to simplify. If you're overwhelmed it doesn't sound like fun. Bring it down to a level where you ARE having fun.
I feel like I'm just mirroring back your own words.
Good luck.
--------------------
So much to forget...
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1389
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There is a huge difference between enjoying yourself and spreading yourself too thin. To me, it sounds like you have overextended yourself.
You are juggling so many different guys and even you have stated you can't keep them straight. That in itself should be a big clue to you to ease back and not have so many.
Gigi has given great advice in the past. She suggest to quickly go from the chatting via email/IM/phone to an actual meet, at some neutral location. This allows you to see if they have been honest in how they described themselves and if you both like what you see, this won't be the only time the two of you get together.
This allows you to "weed" out the ones that that posted an outdated picture and aren't like how they presented themselves on their profiles.
Definitely enjoy yourself but not to the point that the guys just become a number. Not fair to them or to yourself, in my opinion.
You will know if you click, in a relatively short period of time, of say one or three dates max. If it just isn't happening, it is best to wish them well with someone else and move along.
Good Luck,
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makingit
Silver
Reged: 12/09/07
Posts: 87
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Thanks everyone for your replies. It all makes sense. I guess my problem is not really knowing how I feel and having the nerve to tell someone that I am not interested. I just keep thinking that I'll give them a chance, or 2, or 3, when I am probably just not feeling it and probably won't.
If you go out with someone and at the end of the night- you think - eh? he's OK - not great, not horrible - Do you go out with that guy again?
If I go out with a guy that I do feel really great about (hasn't happened yet), then do I stop communication with the others, and just focus on that one?
I would really like to just concentrate on one man at a time , but e-harmony just keeps throwing them at ya - and I know I could choose not to respond, but i don't want to let someone that seems to be great slip away. Does that make sense?
- and I just realized that is mispelled overwhelmed in my title. How embarassing! Is there a way to fix that?
Edited by makingit (08/03/08 10:46 PM)
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