cedc
Platinum
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 602
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Of course he's looking for a relationship, that's why you didn't get groped! Just relax and go have some fun. Curious as to all the questions. I wouldn't have gone there for quite some time. I usually want to get to know someone a little better before even asking something like that.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.-George Carlin
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1594
Loc: Western New York
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>>>My problem is I cannot get the ones I am interested in to pursue me! Whoever has that one down please share!! <<<
If, after some mild flirting, a guy you're interested in does not pursue you, give it up. Move on. There are plenty of fish elsewhere. And, if said love interest sees you with another man, that may fire his ardor anyway.
Both my BF and I are really attracted to each other, him slightly more so. It really makes things easy. We're like magnets and neither of us has to work so hard. If you've ever been in a relationship where you constantly have to do all the pursuing, you know how much better it is to be desired and cherished.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
Taryn,
Accidental or not, you betcha you were on a date and now he does consider you dating. He came, he saw (he liked what he saw) and now, he'd like to conquer.
>>>>>>>>>>>
you once posted that a guy will give you the 'i like it' with the eyes almost right away.
if he doenst move on. and i have followed the advice soundly.
and yes. this guy DID and does like what he sees.
did from the get go whne i met him a month or so ago.
I too have done the date/bail thing post D. It's the realization that you CAN date like crazy and that you don't want to get hooked up with the wrong person (or anyone) too fast.
>>>>>>>>>>>>i relearning how to date. im not going to just all the sudden have feelings. right now, i dont even think i CAN. it's the nature of my emotional beast. it cant be helped. it just is....
Most men I've dated have been much more commitment-minded than I. Get used to it. I think the good, honest, sweet, devoted ones do tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
>>>>>>
this is my second encounter with such a person. the first guy i was SO not attreacted to physically. so the niceness didnt really help. (saddly).
i have spent the last few therapy sessions really working on revamping my 'bad a$$' attraction and realizing that Mean guys arent a fun challenge. they're just mean.
so it's a whole new dating world for me (i HOPE).
and hopefully if i keep along this new way of htinking i wont end up redating my stbx over and over (i mean same guy differnt body...you know what i mean)
Snakes or users are much better at being cool in order to fire up your ardor.
>>>>>>>>>>> EXACTLY! and this is only my second experience with a NON snake kind of person. so im out of my element.
(And girls, take note; If he IS into you, he will be VERY OBVIOUS. There will be no doubt and you will not have to pursue him in any way, save letting him subtly know you are interested back.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>absolutely! no doubt. none at all. none!
its refreshing and not stressfull.
In the meantime, be VERY honest with him and let him know you aren't getting committed anytime soon. Unfort. this often has the added benefit of driving him wild with desire.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i am SO SO honest about this. i just will need to be sure my actions do not say something different than my words.
it needs to be clear that even if we hang out a lot or a little that i am CASUAL! i never say what i dont mean,
so ill just have to be careful to not say NOTHING or it might imply SOMETHING.
plus...you know what? who Knows!? what will happen?
this is a super nice guy who i liked hanging out with. im going with it for now. i layed my cards on the table. he can play my hand or move on until the next cards are played.
do you know what? he didnt swear once in geveral conversaion?
only had ONE drink....wait two....TOTAL on both dates.
and told me he liked being with me and not just bcause im hot but because he liked my company. UH! not just bcause im hot!? goodness! LOL! you'd think id be falling over over this guy being told im hot and all. but....im SUCH in 'taryn training' mode that i cant feel a thing. oh well.
at least im being 100% honest.
Good luck : )
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taryn.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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"""" If you are afraid of the emotional bond, is it possible that you have a history of such emotional closeness resulting in something painful, scary, uncontrollable? Is it possible that the one relationship that you had in your life where you felt that really deep zing that goes with TRUE long term emotional bonding... that it turned out to be a bad thing for you? """
>>>>>>>
uh...YEAH! that's kind of the whole why im getting a divorce saga.
of COURSE im goiing to be heartly ice!
at least until i figure some of this stuff out.
im PROBABLY terrified. i dont know.
but i do know im in a retrainig myself to have healthy relationships and that is VERY important.
Especially if you are attracted to the bad boys but pushing them away when it's time for sex,
>>>>>>>
nope not in that order.
i tended to (saddly) have the sex, THEN as if im a guy who's a creep, loose interest. INSTANTLY. like the challenge is over...neeeexxxxttttt! not always, but i have found that pattern to creep in.
and it's frustrating to no longer like the person because i do like sex. i just get pissed and move on. go figure. LOL.
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (08/04/08 02:44 PM)
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1468
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I think I will have the same problem Taryn. Doing something that indicates one thing to them but something different to me. For example, and I'm not a man pig or anything, but sleeping with someone and having them think that indicates an exclusive relationship. I mean, maybe it will......I don't know. At this point I'm not even thinking exclusive. Maybe after several dates, who knows, but for now, I want to make sure it's the right one for an exclusive and the only way I can do that is to go out with several and I'm not going to put one girl in a holding pattern while I see if a different girl is the one. For right now, the girl I kissed Friday is nice. I enjoy her company, want to spend more time with her and kiss her more, but......so far, she is not the one and I was up front with her that I was dating other people as well. I guess the decision is for her to decide if she's ok with me seeing other people and if not, then she has to decide not to see me anymore. I guess that's the same decision he has to make with you Taryn. If he's not ok with it then he's more than welcome to move on but he shouldn't expect you to be in a relationship with him just because he wants one.
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Insert witty comment here. 
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