jferparrott
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 16
|
|
Does anyone have any opinions on seperations or trail seperations? Are they a good solution to take time to figure out what you both really need? I am thinking that maybe it could work but a lot of things would have to change on both of our parts. I was thinking that if we seperated for a minimun of 6 months this would give us both time to decide what we wanted. Just a thought.
|
Missedout
Silver
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Ohio
|
|
I'm in the same boat, but in the past few weeks I learned it is not good to leave. If there is a separation it might make it that much easier to go your separate ways. Just my opinion.
--------------------
She is my music, without her my world falls silent.
|
Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 299
Loc: NM
|
|
I have to agree, when my hubby and I were having troubles, if either one of us had left the house, it would have been a done deal. Too much stress on the kids and such to play with their emotions like that. Plus seperation doesn't help any of the problems go away. Have you tried counseling?
Best wishes to you.
|
jferparrott
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 16
|
|
Yes we did try counseling, it didn't help matters. Things go better for a little while and then back to the same ol' stuff. My thoughts were is that maybe if we seperated, he might have to grow up a little and then come to realize what family was all about. Nothing has seemed to show him thus far. I understand about making it easier to just call it quits if we do seperate, but I am desperate and don't know which other route to go.
|
PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1830
Loc: Not sure!!!
|
|
Jfer sent you a PM.
--------------------
I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
|
|
"Yes we did try counseling, it didn't help matters. Things go better for a little while and then back to the same ol' stuff."
Is this something you've mentioned to the counselor? It usually indicates that there's something about the "same 'ol stuff" that works for one or both of you - a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.
If you think separation is a good idea because it will cause him to change, then separation is not a good idea. If you think separation is a good idea because it will allow you to change, then perhaps there's merit to it.
|
Capsized
Bronze
Reged: 06/11/08
Posts: 46
Loc: VT
|
|
Totally agree - if you are waiting for him to change separation will not work.
Took me a long time to realize there are two sides to the problem. It is just easier to blame it on the other personal because you don't have to confront your own failings.
If you want things to work you have to pay attention to the things you can change -which is yourself. If you change and stay changed he will have to change too. If you are trying to change him you are doomed to failure. Only he can change himself.
Make sure you are clear on what you want, first with yourself and then with him. It is OK to ask him for what you want and then ask him what you can do to help him give you what you want. This works both ways - remind him he can do the same thing.
|
jferparrott
New
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 16
|
|
I think that is really the problem. I have made changes. I have decided the way I need things to work. I voiced this to him(time and time) and he says that he understands and things start to improve for a short time and then he goes right back to his ways. And maybe the fact that he doesn't want to change should say it all. Now he thinks that I am having an affair! How do you deal with that? My thoughts on the seperation were that it would give both of us time apart to decide what we truly want. And if that is the case maybe he would decide that he really wants to work as a family unit. If not, well then I guess it solves the problem either way. It would also give me time to work on my problems even further. I realize that I am not perfect but I have been trying to be a better person, and that is why I think I am to where I am at now. I have started realizing that he brings me down. I feel that if we seperated, I could be a better mother. I am just not sure.
|
jststartinova
Platinum
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 294
|
|
Don't separate! If you want things to work out figure them out while you are together. Separation does nothing but make matters worse...My .02.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
|
|
What I hear you saying is that you've done your work to reconfigure yourself and your marriage into something more comfortable for you (and presumably, by extension, him). But he fails to do the work to fit in to this new design. He's "bringing you down". It is possible he's not invested in this new order. Maybe he has his own ideas.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
