momomof4
Silver
Reged: 08/02/08
Posts: 50
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I met this guy and I thought I really liked him. But then, I started thinking about it, and a lot of his mannerisms and ideas remind me very much of my ex-husband. Have I gone insane? So what do I tell him? You're not my type? You're too much like my ex? Anyway I try to word it in my head, it sounds mean. Should I tell him that I'm not really ready to date (this sounds like a lie, because it's been almost 3 years), or should I be honest and give him the whole story?
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1369
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It depends how long you have been dating this guy. If you have only been out on a few dates, a simple "Thank you for spending time with me, but I am looking for something different and I wish you all the best" should suffice.
If however you have been dating him for awhile, then you really should think about explaining why you are not wishing to continue dating him.
It could be done by explaining that you have noticed mannerism of his that are similar to your ex. That you just do not wish to waste his time when you know that you don't feel comfortable with a man who reminds you of your ex. Or words to that affect.
You are right to pay attention to red flags when they pop up. You don't want to end up with someone who is like your ex, just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. They will get over it and move on.
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maybetexas
Gold
Reged: 07/27/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Dallas
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I am sure your ex had some redeeming qualities....otherwise you would not have married him. Are the things you are seeing bad or indifferent? If you really like him, it might just be that those "little" things don't mean a whole lot in the scheme of things. BUT it could be red flags too....
Good luck, Maybetexas
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Combating loneliness one small step at a time.
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momomof4
Silver
Reged: 08/02/08
Posts: 50
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No, after giving it careful thought today, I think they are real red flags. He is intelligent and easy to talk to, but he's not what I would call a "people person", and when talking about life in general seems to be kind of bitter about some things. This was one of my biggest pet peeves about my ex.... I have a "family" of friends that are dear to me, and he never really wanted to have any friends, as he works to find too much fault with people. I don't want to compare him to my ex, but I don't want to wind up with my ex all over again either, if that makes any sense.
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RustySD
New
Reged: 08/30/08
Posts: 9
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That does makes sense. If its raising red flags for you then trust your instinct.
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angelarose
New
Reged: 09/08/08
Posts: 5
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There are a variety of dating websites available to both general and specialist groups.But I recently came across a site called http://meet2go.com it's all free, has a bunch of nice people on and u can attend fun activities and there's a nice chat room... I had some great time meeting new friends and dates.... and am much happy now  Hope you find this helpful. Chat rooms don't occur on all dating websites but we see them as very useful for new daters and socialites who love to chat to many people at once. It is a good way of getting your typing and chat skills on top form. All the Best
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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my son is starting to act a lot like my stbx. I'm going to talk to my counselor about this tomorrow because it's becoming quite a problem for me.
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crazypeach
Bronze
Reged: 12/02/07
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
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I wouldn't tell him that he reminds you of your ex. People don't like being compared to others when it's a negative thing. I would be honest though and simply say that you don't think it's going to work out between the 2 of you and you just think you have different views on life, and that's ok. But you just don't think you're a good match for each other.
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I have found someone again...myself
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